To not want Dh to pick Dd up from uni for the xmas holidays?

[Thesandwichyears]

Slightly heated debate between me and DH. Dd1 (20) expects DH to do a 7 hour round trip to pick her up from university for the holidays.
Dh thinks he should because apparently a small suitcase and a rucksack(not that she will want use one, too uncool) is not sufficient and she doesn't have a large case.

I feel it time she grew up, its 3 trains, I’ve done it, its fine and we will pay for the train.
Also, her attitude stinks quite frankly, she is pretty mean to me and others, Im not inclined to keep pandering to her. (Our fault, I know)

We also have 3 dcs younger than her, 2 with sen so feel its really not fair on me to have ti hold the fort solo for this reason.

Thoughts please?

I’d let him go.
They can catch up on the way back.

My parents always came to get me
Yabu

I expect my son to come home on the train. It's a 10 hour round trip for us so we have to stay overnight. It will take him about 4 hours by train - one to London, tube and one to us.

If it was 3.5 hours we might do it to collect or take back, but not both. What's uncool about a rucksack - it's a lot more practical than a case.

@Shoxfordian

My parents always came to get me Yabu

So did my parents, but I was 2 hours away.

Harsh! My mum always picked me up for the holidays! She’ll need more things than you expect; maybe they are looking forward to a catch up on the way home? 7 hours is really not long to be left home with your own children.

Buy a rolled pull along suitcase on Amazon and have it delivered to her.

Surely she can get the train/bus home. I did it several times a year from uni to home, 5 hours on a national express bus. It's fine.

If your DH is up for it then I don't see the problem?

I can't see any real reason why he can't pick her up. What does 'holding the fort' mean, do you never look after your children by yourself?

Let him go to collect her, but only if he takes your younger kids with him to keep him company on the journey.

It's up to him if he wants to. No reason why she shouldn't get on the train though. I always did. I don't ever remember being collected. But then I would never have asked either. More room to move around on the train and a bit cheeky to expect a parent to do that journey.

Surely you’ve been on your own with your 3 youngest for seven hours before? If not, could a friend or family come and help you for that 7 hours while your Dh is away?

I wouldn’t take kindly to my husband telling me not to pick my daughter up.
Yeah, she doesn’t need to be collected. And I’m with you on her being selfish to demand it.
But at that age, we don’t get to do much for them anymore or spend time with them - so I might want to do it as a show of love and to have 3 hours 1:1 time.

Can you really not do a day with your other 3? I can’t judge, obviously, as don’t know how demanding that is. It’s hard to know whether that’s genuinely a big issue, or being used for extra ammo because you think your daughter is being unreasonable.

I wouldn't want my DC on trains in December given the massive rise in Covid cases that is continuing and lack of masks.

My dad always came to get me, however I was only just over an hour away by car (3 hours by train).

@PussyCatEatingPigsInBlankets

Let him go to collect her, but only if he takes your younger kids with him to keep him company on the journey.

Be nice but they will argue andI doubt ds will agree to go, asd/travel sick.

She's an adult, amazon her a better suitcase.

You sound mean. Pretty poor if you begrudge doing this for her.

YABU if he wants to let him. Going to pick up ds from his uni on Thursday after work so he can come home for the weekend. Can't wait to see him.

Wouldn't it be easier to just buy her a bigger suitcase?

If he wants to go, let him go - he doesn't need your permission.

Surely you can look after your other DC alone for the day?

My stepdad came to get me for the Christmas holidays in my first year, he’s dead now and I remember that long trip fondly as we got to chat in a way we didn’t usually have time for!
If he’s happy to get her then let him get her. You’ll only be ‘holding the fort’ for a day.

My parents always collected me too. I think it's sad you don't want to, but it seems there's a backstory about her attitude

My children either got the train or drove back from Uni for the holidays. We always paid their fair and always collected for the summer holidays because then there was too much to carry. If your husband doesn’t mind I really wouldn’t be bothered.

I think you're being a bit mean actually. Your DH is willing to go and it will make her journey home loads easier.

@ToykotoLosAngeles

I wouldn't want my DC on trains in December given the massive rise in Covid cases that is continuing and lack of masks.

What massive rise in cases? We’re on our 15th day of sustained week on week drops.