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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that *some* men need to just STOP doing this?!

312 replies

perplexedandvexed · 05/11/2021 14:45

Ok firstly I'll start by saying I know that this is not ALL men. However I myself have experienced it on numerous occasions and now my 12 year old daughter has too.

Please, men of the internet, STOP SENDING YOUR DICK TO PEOPLE WHO HAVE NOT ASKED FOR IT

My daughter is 12 and after much deliberation we allowed her to have an Instagram account on the proviso that I have full access to it at any point. Before anyone has a go for letting her have one, the majority of her friends have them and the ones that aren't allowed them still have them just without their parents knowing.
We're very close and open about most things so she's happy to let me have full access and always shows me if anyone messages her.
She mainly uses it for looking at pictures of dogs and following her favourite music artists etc.
She started getting messages off a guy she did not know, he had no pictures of himself on his profile but all fairly innocent posts - scenic views/ some pumpkins at Halloween/ a couple of dog pics.
His messages just said 'hi' and 'I like your dog'
She did not reply and then gets sent a picture of his rather unimpressive penis in an excitable state. From the photo he sent, he looks no older than 16/17
She immediately replied with 'eww that's grim, I'm only 12 and I'm telling my Mum' which she did. The account immediately got deleted after that so I'm assuming the little wet wipe panicked but JUST WHY? I have reported but doubt anything will get done.

I too have had several sent to me on various platforms, all seemingly normal men and then all of a sudden - HERE, have a picture of a random part of my anatomy that you didn't ask to see.

What can we do to educate boys/ men that this is the biggest turn off and that no self respecting woman gives a shit about seeing some random strangers worm dick?

Sorry, I don't really know what I'm hoping to get from this post I just wanted to vent.

OP posts:
FOJN · 05/11/2021 14:49

Why include the word some? Surely you want ALL men who send unsolicited dick pics to stop.

Tryagainplease · 05/11/2021 14:50

YANBU - that is appalling. I’ve never understood the mentality behind this behaviour!

DogsWithJobs · 05/11/2021 14:50

Your assuming that they give a shit what women think. They don't. It's a power play, pure and simple, and telling them women don't like it will make it worse.

Sparklingbrook · 05/11/2021 14:51

Sending unsolicited pictures of your genitals is always yuck, and they all need to stop.

Bloodfart · 05/11/2021 14:51

What can we do to educate boys/ men that this is the biggest turn off and that no self respecting woman gives a shit about seeing some random strangers worm dick?*

I don't think there's much hope of educating that sort of man.

They don't give a shit that women aren't interested in seeing their nobs. That's not why they do it.

Original poster
perplexedandvexed · 05/11/2021 14:51

@FOJN

Why include the word some? Surely you want ALL men who send unsolicited dick pics to stop.
Well yes obviously, I was trying not to sound like I was insinuating that all men send them
OP posts:
LifesABotch · 05/11/2021 14:53

Is it not illegal? Especially when sent to a minor?! I'd be reporting it, it's same as flashing, and not an insignificant action.

Comedycook · 05/11/2021 14:54

Yanbu.... obviously

Was your dds Instagram account open for anyone to see? Maybe change the settings so only people she knows can view her photos. Oh and if anyone I don't know ever messages me on social media, they are immediately blocked...even if the message is harmless

Iggly · 05/11/2021 14:55

@Bloodfart

* What can we do to educate boys/ men that this is the biggest turn off and that no self respecting woman gives a shit about seeing some random strangers worm dick?*

I don't think there's much hope of educating that sort of man.

They don't give a shit that women aren't interested in seeing their nobs. That's not why they do it.

Maybe educate them before it gets to that point.

It’s a conversation I plan to have with my son when he’s old enough - obviously not “don’t send dick pics” but I will talk in general terms about this sort of thing. I already have conversations about consent, about permission, yes relating to sex etc. He’s 12. It can be done in an age appropriate way.

GenderAtheist · 05/11/2021 14:57

They don't give a shit that women aren't interested in seeing their nobs. That's not why they do it

This.

Tal45 · 05/11/2021 14:58

I'm just surprised that you think 'everyone else is doing it' is a good enough reason for your child to do something. Lets hope all her friends don't get into drugs. Also why on earth isn't her account private? If some random person can see pictures of her dogs then it's obviously not, she's 12 years old fgs.

I think parents need to clue themselves up a lot more about SM, about how much time their kids are on the internet and about what they are up to in general. That goes for girls and boys.

Original poster
perplexedandvexed · 05/11/2021 15:00

@DogsWithJobs

Your assuming that they give a shit what women think. They don't. It's a power play, pure and simple, and telling them women don't like it will make it worse.
See, in my (admittedly limited) experience they're all seeking approval from women. I did online dating a while back and most were taken aback that I didn't find their bullshit attempt at a script for a crap porno accompanied by a picture of their genitals remotely engaging Hmm Anyway, it's icky.
OP posts:
AnyFucker · 05/11/2021 15:01

There is no point telling them we don’t want to see dick pics

That is why they do it

And you did not need to use the word “some”. All men need to shame all men not to do this.

idontlikealdi · 05/11/2021 15:02

We'll it's shit but why haven't you locked down the account so she can't receive unsolicited messages?

zoemum2006 · 05/11/2021 15:07

Luckily no man has ever sent me a dick pic but I think I'd have to reply "awww bless..."... "or I'm sure a doctor could fix that". I mean why make yourself so vulnerable. Men are strange.

Just as an aside: isn't it sad you have to hashtag not all men in case some guy gets upset. Women don't take it personally if you talk about what some women do.

Original poster
perplexedandvexed · 05/11/2021 15:10

@Tal45

I'm just surprised that you think 'everyone else is doing it' is a good enough reason for your child to do something. Lets hope all her friends don't get into drugs. Also why on earth isn't her account private? If some random person can see pictures of her dogs then it's obviously not, she's 12 years old fgs.

I think parents need to clue themselves up a lot more about SM, about how much time their kids are on the internet and about what they are up to in general. That goes for girls and boys.

Ugggh I knew there'd be one of you along. Her account is private, but she'd accepted his follow request (yes I have had a conversation with her again about not accepting people she doesn't know) but then again she doesn't walk round in public with a bag on her head saying 'private' either so I'm actually quite proud she handled it the way she did. We can't keep them sheltered forever can we?

And I'm not even sure how respond to the drug comment apart from with an eye roll 🙄
I would assume by your logic then that you don't allow your children to do ANYTHING that their friends do in case said friends one day start taking drugs? Hmm

OP posts:
IveGotASongThatllGetOnYNerves · 05/11/2021 15:11

It's indecent exposure. It should be treated the same way in law as if they stepped in front of you and opened their grubby flashing mac.

NavigatingAdolescence · 05/11/2021 15:13

@Tal45

I'm just surprised that you think 'everyone else is doing it' is a good enough reason for your child to do something. Lets hope all her friends don't get into drugs. Also why on earth isn't her account private? If some random person can see pictures of her dogs then it's obviously not, she's 12 years old fgs.

I think parents need to clue themselves up a lot more about SM, about how much time their kids are on the internet and about what they are up to in general. That goes for girls and boys.

100% this.
Original poster
perplexedandvexed · 05/11/2021 15:15

@zoemum2006

Luckily no man has ever sent me a dick pic but I think I'd have to reply "awww bless..."... "or I'm sure a doctor could fix that". I mean why make yourself so vulnerable. Men are strange.

Just as an aside: isn't it sad you have to hashtag not all men in case some guy gets upset. Women don't take it personally if you talk about what some women do.

Well yes I mean all this talk of it's a power thing.. really? They become so small in my eyes as soon as they do this.. or is that it? They're giving the woman the power and they're being submissive? Who the hell knows

I have age appropriate conversations with my son (he's 10 and doesn't have any phone or SM yet) and hope to educate him to not make a twat of himself this way.

OP posts:
Comedycook · 05/11/2021 15:16

Ugggh I knew there'd be one of you along. Her account is private, but she'd accepted his follow request (yes I have had a conversation with her again about not accepting people she doesn't know) but then again she doesn't walk round in public with a bag on her head saying 'private' either so I'm actually quite proud she handled it the way she did. We can't keep them sheltered forever can we?

Oh dear lord, you sound completely deluded.

She shouldn't have accepted his friends request and the fact that she did shows that she is not mature enough to have a social media account.

Lweji · 05/11/2021 15:17

I hope he's sent a face photo as well.
Otherwise, I'm quite impressed you can tell his age.

More seriously, I'd tighten her security settings.
And you should report him.

RoseGoldEagle · 05/11/2021 15:17

See, in my (admittedly limited) experience they're all seeking approval from women

They’re not seeking approval from women. It gives them a feeling of power, it turns them on, knowing the woman (or worse, girl, in this case) doesn’t want to see it, but has no choice because they’ve seen it before they’ve realised what is it, is part of the attraction for them. They’re scum.

Original poster
perplexedandvexed · 05/11/2021 15:18

Can I just add, neither of my kids spends much time on the internet, she was actually going through her Insta for the first time in about 3 days while sat next to me.
My post wasn't about my daughters use of SM, rather the behaviour of men online but it seems we have to just accept that 'some men do that' and blame the mum for letting her use it

Confused
OP posts:
Comedycook · 05/11/2021 15:21

Oh come on...your DD is too young for a social media account. She shouldn't accept friend request from random strangers and if anyone she doesn't know messages her, they should be blocked immediately. The fact she didn't do this shows she is not mature enough to be on social media. I'm not blaming her by the way....but she clearly is too young to know how to handle these situations. Parent your child fgs.

LittleGwyneth · 05/11/2021 15:21

I have no idea why in a conversation about your daughter being a victim of cyber flashing, people are kicking off at you for your choice of title.

It's horrible. I'm sorry that happened to her. Well done for having created a relationship where she's able to tell you that something happened and make her uncomfortable. Lots of people don't have that with their children.