To think that *some* men need to just STOP doing this?!

[perplexedandvexed]

Ok firstly I'll start by saying I know that this is not ALL men. However I myself have experienced it on numerous occasions and now my 12 year old daughter has too.

Please, men of the internet, STOP SENDING YOUR DICK TO PEOPLE WHO HAVE NOT ASKED FOR IT

My daughter is 12 and after much deliberation we allowed her to have an Instagram account on the proviso that I have full access to it at any point. Before anyone has a go for letting her have one, the majority of her friends have them and the ones that aren't allowed them still have them just without their parents knowing.
We're very close and open about most things so she's happy to let me have full access and always shows me if anyone messages her.
She mainly uses it for looking at pictures of dogs and following her favourite music artists etc.
She started getting messages off a guy she did not know, he had no pictures of himself on his profile but all fairly innocent posts - scenic views/ some pumpkins at Halloween/ a couple of dog pics.
His messages just said 'hi' and 'I like your dog'
She did not reply and then gets sent a picture of his rather unimpressive penis in an excitable state. From the photo he sent, he looks no older than 16/17
She immediately replied with 'eww that's grim, I'm only 12 and I'm telling my Mum' which she did. The account immediately got deleted after that so I'm assuming the little wet wipe panicked but JUST WHY? I have reported but doubt anything will get done.

I too have had several sent to me on various platforms, all seemingly normal men and then all of a sudden - HERE, have a picture of a random part of my anatomy that you didn't ask to see.

What can we do to educate boys/ men that this is the biggest turn off and that no self respecting woman gives a shit about seeing some random strangers worm dick?

Sorry, I don't really know what I'm hoping to get from this post I just wanted to vent.

Obviously this is awful for your daughter and I think she handled it very well. Back to the OP's point about why men do it. I don't know if all men are aware of how disgusting it is. I have been asked before if I would like a dick pic, as if it might turn me on, in the way they wanted me to send a boob pic. In this case I am sure they didn't intend to harm or degrade me. But still - er, no, absolutely not. I really find men very strange.

Do you know what? It should be safe for 12 year old girls to accept friend requests from strangers because all those strangers should be conditioned into behaving well towards other people. We should be confident that predators will be caught and that the penalties for this type of behaviour should be enough to act as a deterrent.
We should be really angry that men send unsolicited dick pics with out any consequences. Its dead easy to attack the mum but your ire should be directed towards the bosses of the platform who won't police it, towards the governments who have no will to legislate against it and the whole of society who condone it.

Why in the world has your 12 year old not set her account to private - or more importantly why haven't you? And why didn't yiu block him after the first message?

Social media is an adult environment, so no you shouldn't really let a child have access to it. It's a bit like letting them go to a nightclub and then complaining when the pervy letch hits on them. Yes the men in the situations are very much in the wrong and committing illegal behaviour, but you are supposed to protect her from being exposed to them.

I have long since thought that unsolicited dick pics, should be treated the same way as flashing. I can't see that it would be tricky to police either, could all be done virtually you send in screen grabs of the conversation they trace the guy and boom he's on the sex offenders list.

Also everyone knows why op had to write "some" in the title to stop the handmaidens going on but not all men and derailing.

Staggered by the number of posters saying she shouldn't have a social media account - I don't have kids that age anymore but I have loads of friends that do. It seems pretty standard to have social media by 12 from what I can see. At what point would it make any difference? If she was 14 she could still get sent unwelcome dick pics.

@Comedycook

Ugggh I knew there'd be one of you along. Her account is private, but she'd accepted his follow request (yes I have had a conversation with her again about not accepting people she doesn't know) but then again she doesn't walk round in public with a bag on her head saying 'private' either so I'm actually quite proud she handled it the way she did. We can't keep them sheltered forever can we?

Oh dear lord, you sound completely deluded.

She shouldn't have accepted his friends request and the fact that she did shows that she is not mature enough to have a social media account.

Exactly this.

Exactly Plan I also pointed out that once a photo gets "out there" you have no control what happens to it!

For all those parents so sure their kids don't have Insta...I thought my then 12 yer old didn't have it. I later discovered he was downloading the app each time he wanted to use it and then deleting it!
Thankfully the account was private, but I was livid. I had regularly taken the phone without warning and gone through it, and thought I was on top of things, and Insta was one I had said no way to.

It scared me how easy it is for them to keep things secret, so after that, after the punishment was done with, I said OK and allowed it. I then followed the account , plus linked it to my google family link.

I agree that after a certain point it's better for your kids to be able to come to you and be open than to hide social media. My kid could have been talking to anyone, being bullied, and I wouldn't have known.

Anyway, it's the evil Snapchat you really want to worry about...

I just don't get it. Every woman I've ever known does not like getting them. So many men are obsessed with their dicks "behold my penis!" women are just not the same with our bits. But the funny thing is men would love it if we were sending unsolicited pics of ourselves.. 🙄

Well yes obviously, I was trying not to sound like I was insinuating that all men send them

Someone sends your 12 year old an unsolicited dick pic and your priority is making sure men aren't offended by your complaint about it. I would hope that the men who don't do this would be as appalled as you are rather than offended. If we don't think it's all men then perhaps we could start acting like it.

God that’s depressing.

It's such a sad world when a kid can't like dogs on Instagram because of creeps. Maybe I'm far too cynical but given the amount of men who've flashed me in the street, keeping her off social media likely won't completely protect her from it either.
I've been sent so many dick pics, a few gross creeps have even printed out my pictures so they can send me a "tribute" (a close up picture of their junk jizzing on my pics 🤢🤮)

@hellcatspangle Agreed. And whilst the internet makes this much easier/more prevalent, it predates it. I remember when I shared a flat with my friend when we were in our early 20s, our upstairs neighbour thoughtfully posted a load of full frontal nude photos through our front door. Completely freaked us out and we went to the police who were fantastic and went round to talk to him.

Men shouldn't do it. Full stop.

Did she send that reply herself or did she send it after showing you/talking to you about it (i.e. you helped her with the words).

Because the "I'm only 12" bit will obviously scare some men away for the obvious reasons (and even the ones it scares away will not always be because they are not attracted to someone that young sadly) but the way it is worded could be interpreted by the kind of twisted mind who sends these pictures in the first place as "I'm only 12 so don't send me those pictures, but if I was 20 of course go ahead" etc

This has never, ever made sense to me. Do any women ever like receiving those photos? I suppose some pretend, because otherwise, if it's getting negative or neutral response, why continue? Some sort of turn-on for the sender? Exhibitionism?

Even when I like a man, I don't want a photo of that. They're not particularly aesthetically pleasing, at the best of times, especially in isolation and not taken as part of the whole body.

Lots of 12 year old have Instagram. My dd got it when she was 14 ish I think and hasn’t had any issues.

I have been sent many dick pics (the joys of online dating), some men generally think women are impressed by it, but for most it’s just a power thing. People need to educate their sons (and daughters) about what could happen if you get caught sending a photo of your genitals to a child, also they need to be told that women are not impressed by seeing a penis.

I think that replying with a photo of an angry and aroused vulva taken in bright fluorescent lighting would probably be the most terrifying reply for these men. I’m sorry to say that saying ‘I’m only 12 and going to tell my mum’ is probably exactly what he wanted to hear.

On the plus side, you were supervising, she trusted you and has learnt her lesson. Might be worth checking back in a few weeks to see if she has any questions.

I think it’s an aggressive action. It’s a control thing also.

I just don’t get why men/boys do this. The penis isn’t the most attractive thing in the world and tbh I wouldn’t want to receive a photo of my husband’s, let alone a stranger’s.

That aside, it’s awful your daughter was exposed to this at such a young age, but good she was able to tell you about it. It’s such a shame children can’t use these platforms to share innocent fun things without being preyed upon like this.

Of course no one shouldn't send out unsolicited pictures of their genitalia but as some people mostly men do we should be cautious of putting our children in a position to receive them. And you have now had the perfect demonstration of why your dd isnt mature enough to be on Instagram (accepting follow requests despite being told not to).

OP, ignore the posters criticizing you or your DD. You sound like you have a great relationship and are able to discuss these things. The fault here lies with men and men alone.
Hopefully she will be really careful with her privacy settings from now on. I would consider taking to school about it too and check they are educating the students (particularly the boys) that this is not acceptable behaviour.
You're right, it's cyber-flashing and should be as socially unacceptable as real life flashing.

Weirdo's exist and Internet gives them an opportunity to offend on a mass scale.

Always amazes me that anyone thinks sending pictures of their dick, boobs, or fanny to anyone (even a partner) is a good idea.

Ok firstly I'll start by saying I know that this is not ALL men. However I myself have experienced it on numerous occasions and now my 12 year old daughter has too

It is however a lot more men and boys that will admit to it.

Report and forward to the complaints address on the platform every time. Flag their name up to the admin of any groups you are in. It may seem futile but aggregating information on offensive messages does at least make it possible for platforms to ban offenders.

If the pictures appears to be of an under age victim then report also to report.iwf.org.uk/en (assuming you are in the UK).

You can also trying naming and shaming in the group or in public - that doesn't always work though so I'd take it on case by case.

If its persistent the try reporting it as harassment - repeated unsolicited messages of this time are harassment, even if they come with smiley faces instead of threats. Again, you individually might not get a lot of help unless there are physical threats but it does build up a record. People who do this never do it once only.

@SirenSays

It's such a sad world when a kid can't like dogs on Instagram because of creeps. Maybe I'm far too cynical but given the amount of men who've flashed me in the street, keeping her off social media likely won't completely protect her from it either. I've been sent so many dick pics, a few gross creeps have even printed out my pictures so they can send me a "tribute" (a close up picture of their junk jizzing on my pics 🤢🤮)

Well yes that's why I don't get the whole 'Instagram is the devil' attitude I remember getting flashed by a guy when I was about 13 .... should my mum have not let me leave the house?

Yes, I don't know why so many men are so proud of their dicks that they want to share pictures of them with random women/girls online. Luckily I've managed to escape this my whole life by never having any form of social media.

I remember getting flashed by a guy when I was about 13 .... should my mum have not let me leave the house?

Leaving the house is necessary in order to function and maintain a normal life.. having a sm account isn't.