To think that *some* men need to just STOP doing this?!

[perplexedandvexed]

Ok firstly I'll start by saying I know that this is not ALL men. However I myself have experienced it on numerous occasions and now my 12 year old daughter has too.

Please, men of the internet, STOP SENDING YOUR DICK TO PEOPLE WHO HAVE NOT ASKED FOR IT

My daughter is 12 and after much deliberation we allowed her to have an Instagram account on the proviso that I have full access to it at any point. Before anyone has a go for letting her have one, the majority of her friends have them and the ones that aren't allowed them still have them just without their parents knowing.
We're very close and open about most things so she's happy to let me have full access and always shows me if anyone messages her.
She mainly uses it for looking at pictures of dogs and following her favourite music artists etc.
She started getting messages off a guy she did not know, he had no pictures of himself on his profile but all fairly innocent posts - scenic views/ some pumpkins at Halloween/ a couple of dog pics.
His messages just said 'hi' and 'I like your dog'
She did not reply and then gets sent a picture of his rather unimpressive penis in an excitable state. From the photo he sent, he looks no older than 16/17
She immediately replied with 'eww that's grim, I'm only 12 and I'm telling my Mum' which she did. The account immediately got deleted after that so I'm assuming the little wet wipe panicked but JUST WHY? I have reported but doubt anything will get done.

I too have had several sent to me on various platforms, all seemingly normal men and then all of a sudden - HERE, have a picture of a random part of my anatomy that you didn't ask to see.

What can we do to educate boys/ men that this is the biggest turn off and that no self respecting woman gives a shit about seeing some random strangers worm dick?

Sorry, I don't really know what I'm hoping to get from this post I just wanted to vent.

@J4LDWC

I'm a guy - You are absolutely not being unreasonable. Sadly I do not know we must do to stop these men from sending photos of themselves. We need to repent, seek God and pray for our children.

I hope you mean men thinking of or actually sending dick pics need to repent, leave the rest of us out of the seeking god option, thank you! We need men to be absolutely clear this is unwelcome and illegal together with properly enforced laws, not pious hand-wringing.

I keep getting messages from perverted old men on Facebook. As soon as you stand up to them, they panic and block you. They think I'm a lot younger, and it's sickening to think who else they do it too.

I'm sorry your dd has had to go through it.

@Comedycook

Ugggh I knew there'd be one of you along. Her account is private, but she'd accepted his follow request (yes I have had a conversation with her again about not accepting people she doesn't know) but then again she doesn't walk round in public with a bag on her head saying 'private' either so I'm actually quite proud she handled it the way she did. We can't keep them sheltered forever can we?

Oh dear lord, you sound completely deluded.

She shouldn't have accepted his friends request and the fact that she did shows that she is not mature enough to have a social media account.

I think you're the deluded one if you think mature people don't accept friend requests from people they don't know. Isn't SM a numbers game where the more people "liking" your posts, the better?

Your post is irrelevant since Op has already talked to her DD about not accepting friend requests from strangers. The dick pic wasn't the fault of Op's DD, it was the fault of the idiot who sent it.

@IveGotASongThatllGetOnYNerves

Or we could talk about the problem here which is men thinking it's ok to send pictures of their penis to women and girls.

It'd be nice to focus on that instead of pushing it aside and trying to change the focus to parents shouldn't do X,y,z. Girls should stay off social media.
Maybe it's men who should stay off social media if they cant resist the urge to expose their dicks to children.

Absolutely

Wow
some of these comments!!!
personally I applaud you on your parenting, it's tough and your working through these things together and that's great- you are a great role model to your child and helping her learn how to deal with these situations. So many parents hand them the phones and leave them to it....

This isn't acceptable in any fashion... whether she is 12 or 42 is irrelevant the fact that men think this is ok is the problem!!

@gingerlyme

I keep getting messages from perverted old men on Facebook. As soon as you stand up to them, they panic and block you. They think I'm a lot younger, and it's sickening to think who else they do it too.

I'm sorry your dd has had to go through it.

I have FB set to friends of friends for requests only. However some of my friends have 2000 plus "friends" on their accounts, mainly fitness professionals who no doubt do it for business. Unfortunately due to this often get unwanted friend requests and messages. Have to change my profile pic to a cat or inanimate object to prevent it. My profile pic is just my face nothing salacious. It's extremely intrusive and annoying. I wonder if these men are aware of the anxiety they cause when they do stuff like this.

OP I’m really sorry but there are rapists and pedofiles everywhere. You can’t tell if the dick pick isn’t from one. Now your daughter knows what goes off online you’ll have to teach her how to manage the dirty scrotums or give her the choice to not go on social media.

@thedancingbear

Why all this 'some men' stuff? Even if it is only some men who do it, all men are responsible for the culture that permits it. Men bear collective responsibility.

I don't feel responsible for policing other women though. How are people supposed to do that? I doubt the men that send dick pics tell everyone that they sent them. If they do then they can be told off but I'm not sure what good that would do as I'm sure they wouldn't listen. Just curious how it's supposed to be done by the men that are being blamed for not stopping it?

Just curious how it's supposed to be done by the men that are being blamed for not stopping it?

This is too simplistic an argument.

What that poster meant, I think, is that the 'lad' culture perpetuated by men not challenging their mates / colleagues is a huge part of why we as women are on the receiving end of this shit.

If when men made misogynist remarks, wolf whistled, cat called, called women slags / sluts, pursued them after being told no etc etc were told by their peers that they are creeps and the behaviour is rank, predatory and not acceptable, it would massively help those behaviours being less widely accepted.

If a woman does the same thing when it comes to challenging those behaviours they are less likely to be listened to by such men.

It's important 'the good guys' start to actively call their peers out on behaviour that makes women frightened and / or uncomfortable.

youvegottenminuteslynn Excellent response

@youvegottenminuteslynn

Just curious how it's supposed to be done by the men that are being blamed for not stopping it?

This is too simplistic an argument.

What that poster meant, I think, is that the 'lad' culture perpetuated by men not challenging their mates / colleagues is a huge part of why we as women are on the receiving end of this shit.

If when men made misogynist remarks, wolf whistled, cat called, called women slags / sluts, pursued them after being told no etc etc were told by their peers that they are creeps and the behaviour is rank, predatory and not acceptable, it would massively help those behaviours being less widely accepted.

If a woman does the same thing when it comes to challenging those behaviours they are less likely to be listened to by such men.

It's important 'the good guys' start to actively call their peers out on behaviour that makes women frightened and / or uncomfortable.

I already said that here - If they do then they can be told off but I'm not sure what good that would do as I'm sure they wouldn't listen.
When behaviours are shown then call them out but when it comes to something like dick pics specifically then I doubt they advertise posting them.

@chaosmaker

Dick pics are symptomatic of a culture that deems it socially acceptable for far too many men to make far too many women frightened and / or uncomfortable. Just like flashing in person was before mobile phones (and still happens now, in addition to digital flashing). It was laughed off and minimised when the effect on the recipient, a young girl or woman, can be really harmful and scary.

By saying that challenging wider misogyny won't change the fact men send dick pics, you maybe aren't understanding how misogyny and sexism need to be tackled from the grass roots up in order to have an effect.

The more misogynist, sexist behaviour is called out by men to other men, the more wide an impact it will have on what is considered acceptable when it comes to how men interact with women.