To think that *some* men need to just STOP doing this?!

[perplexedandvexed]

Ok firstly I'll start by saying I know that this is not ALL men. However I myself have experienced it on numerous occasions and now my 12 year old daughter has too.

Please, men of the internet, STOP SENDING YOUR DICK TO PEOPLE WHO HAVE NOT ASKED FOR IT

My daughter is 12 and after much deliberation we allowed her to have an Instagram account on the proviso that I have full access to it at any point. Before anyone has a go for letting her have one, the majority of her friends have them and the ones that aren't allowed them still have them just without their parents knowing.
We're very close and open about most things so she's happy to let me have full access and always shows me if anyone messages her.
She mainly uses it for looking at pictures of dogs and following her favourite music artists etc.
She started getting messages off a guy she did not know, he had no pictures of himself on his profile but all fairly innocent posts - scenic views/ some pumpkins at Halloween/ a couple of dog pics.
His messages just said 'hi' and 'I like your dog'
She did not reply and then gets sent a picture of his rather unimpressive penis in an excitable state. From the photo he sent, he looks no older than 16/17
She immediately replied with 'eww that's grim, I'm only 12 and I'm telling my Mum' which she did. The account immediately got deleted after that so I'm assuming the little wet wipe panicked but JUST WHY? I have reported but doubt anything will get done.

I too have had several sent to me on various platforms, all seemingly normal men and then all of a sudden - HERE, have a picture of a random part of my anatomy that you didn't ask to see.

What can we do to educate boys/ men that this is the biggest turn off and that no self respecting woman gives a shit about seeing some random strangers worm dick?

Sorry, I don't really know what I'm hoping to get from this post I just wanted to vent.

@twilightermummy

I think it’s an aggressive action. It’s a control thing also.

I agree . It’s not because women like receiving them - they don’t.

It’s because men get a kick out of sending them.

Honestly some posters here.

Yeah, lets blame OP and her little girl for having an instagram account that her mother has full access to and is private. But pile on with the well she shouldn't have accepted his friend request.
Of course she shouldn't. She's 12 though. I don't expect for one second she expected to receive a pic of some blokes dick.

Of course its bloody grim. No idea why men think this is what women want to see.

And OP, I think its great that you clearly have a lovely relationship with your daughter and she is comfortable coming to you when stuff like this happens. Because lets face it, with all the protection in the world they are going to be exposed to creeps like this at some point. Its pretty depressing.

@twilightermummy

I think it’s an aggressive action. It’s a control thing also.

Yes its absolutely about control, aggression and mail entitlement to intimidate.

@Comedycook

Ugggh I knew there'd be one of you along. Her account is private, but she'd accepted his follow request (yes I have had a conversation with her again about not accepting people she doesn't know) but then again she doesn't walk round in public with a bag on her head saying 'private' either so I'm actually quite proud she handled it the way she did. We can't keep them sheltered forever can we?

Oh dear lord, you sound completely deluded.

She shouldn't have accepted his friends request and the fact that she did shows that she is not mature enough to have a social media account.

This with bells on!!

@IfNot

It’s a conversation I plan to have with my son when he’s old enough - obviously not “don’t send dick pics” but I will talk in general terms about this sort of thing.

Oh, I think I actually said "don't send dick pics" Is that bad??

yes. I told my ds is no uncertain terms about sending any pics.

but then we tend to have blunt open conversations!

@Porcupineintherough

Of course no one shouldn't send out unsolicited pictures of their genitalia but as some people mostly men do we should be cautious of putting our children in a position to receive them. And you have now had the perfect demonstration of why your dd isnt mature enough to be on Instagram (accepting follow requests despite being told not to).

I occasionally accept follow requests by accident by clicking yes instead of no and then not thinking any more about it. As a rule she doesn't accept them, she doesn't even remember accepting him, all she can think is that his name is similar to someone in her class so she's accepted him at some point without realising. That's not a sign of immaturity, I'm 41 and would have probably done the same. All her pictures are of us as a family, or the dog so if anyone is getting their kicks out of that they can probably catch us at Tesco's or the park on a Saturday afternoon too if they want to see us in the flesh. Keeping her off Instagram or any other social media platform will not keep her from this behaviour while there are still men are still doing it. When I was flashed as a young girl, these men doing it in the flesh were branded as creeps/ perverts/ weirdos. Unfortunately online, it seems to be becoming the norm, particularly among younger men. Yes she's still learning but her reaction to this was mature and sensible. She told me about it immediately and called him out for being gross. She's not traumatised by the experience, we spoke about why certain boys choose to behave this way and she shrugged, called them weird and hasn't mentioned it since. She hasn't picked her phone up since yesterday, it's been sat on the kitchen table. As her mother I feel I am the best judge of whether she is mature enough for social media, not someone on here who's only heard a snippet of information

Or we could talk about the problem here which is men thinking it's ok to send pictures of their penis to women and girls.

It'd be nice to focus on that instead of pushing it aside and trying to change the focus to parents shouldn't do X,y,z. Girls should stay off social media.
Maybe it's men who should stay off social media if they cant resist the urge to expose their dicks to children.

@twilightermummy

I think it’s an aggressive action. It’s a control thing also.

Really? See I see it as submissive and needy. There's absolutely nothing aggressive about a penis is there?

It's illegal to send a dick pick (or any other naughty pick) to anyone under the age of 18 in the UK

www.victimsupport.org.uk/you-co/types-crime/online-crime/sexting/

@IveGotASongThatllGetOnYNerves

Or we could talk about the problem here which is men thinking it's ok to send pictures of their penis to women and girls.

It'd be nice to focus on that instead of pushing it aside and trying to change the focus to parents shouldn't do X,y,z. Girls should stay off social media.
Maybe it's men who should stay off social media if they cant resist the urge to expose their dicks to children.

Thank you 🙏🏼

This was my point when I posted this.

perplexedandvexed I understand exactly what you're saying and I'm sorry your daughter had to see that bit it cant really be stopped.

I work with young people and at a recent training day we were told of a psychologist who was asked the question ''At what age is it appropriate to give my child a phone/ access to social media?
The answer was ''Whenever you are comfortable with them seeing porn''.

That's it.

You have to imagine that they either think the recipient will be stunned into a state of admiration, or that they will be upset and the sender gets a kick our of that. Perhaps if they were told it is an unattractive thing which makes them look silly? After all, isn't that supposed to be mens greatest fear, that women will laugh at them?

I agree that the men that do this shouldn’t do this and it’s vile. However, I think it is ultimately your responsibility to make sure your daughter is only using apps aimed at adults when she has reached the appropriate age and even then making sure she has maximum levels of privacy set up.

I think you both need to be a lot more tech literate. If she was set to private a perv could only send a friends request and not a dm. You need to teach her that if anyone she doesn’t know or who is anonymous sends her messages she needs to block them straight away regardless of pet pictures.

I don’t blame DD in anyway btw she is not tech literate yet as she is a child which is why there is an age restriction in place because children can’t navigate the adult world in a safe way yet even if a parent has access to the account to occasionally check on it.

This is terrible but what if this person had kept going along ‘innocently’ befriending DD convincing her he was the same age then started asking for inappropriate photos?

The same could happen to any one of her friends who are all using it which is why I never find that a good excuse. And I guarantee that most of them will also be sent inappropriate content.

But I agree it’s sad that we live in a world where some men behave this way regardless of the age of their victims.

Can we move on from the age of the DD and whether she should be on SM?

This is about men sending dick pics unsolicited to women. It's sexual assault full stop.

There’s a couple of things

• she’s too young for social media and vulnerable - instagram particularly not great for girls
• I totally agree with the dick pics - wtf?!

BUT my Ex cheated on me, and I had to find out through his messages and WOW - lot of women out there asking for this shit.

So for me its’ WTF are men asking for dic pics. WTF are women asking for this? Is it just me or have we hit some really inane boring sexual low where bits of bodies get pushed around for people to wank off to. And that’s the best we can do?!

By women asking… I mean literally asking ‘send me your dic pic’

@IveGotASongThatllGetOnYNerves

Or we could talk about the problem here which is men thinking it's ok to send pictures of their penis to women and girls.

It'd be nice to focus on that instead of pushing it aside and trying to change the focus to parents shouldn't do X,y,z. Girls should stay off social media.
Maybe it's men who should stay off social media if they cant resist the urge to expose their dicks to children.

This, absolutely

@IveGotASongThatllGetOnYNerves

Or we could talk about the problem here which is men thinking it's ok to send pictures of their penis to women and girls.

It'd be nice to focus on that instead of pushing it aside and trying to change the focus to parents shouldn't do X,y,z. Girls should stay off social media.
Maybe it's men who should stay off social media if they cant resist the urge to expose their dicks to children.

Spot on.

Set her profile to private and tell her not to allow anyone to follow her unless they have met her in person.
It is very irresponsible for a 12yo to have a public profile even with supervision!

@IveGotASongThatllGetOnYNerves

Or we could talk about the problem here which is men thinking it's ok to send pictures of their penis to women and girls.

It'd be nice to focus on that instead of pushing it aside and trying to change the focus to parents shouldn't do X,y,z. Girls should stay off social media.
Maybe it's men who should stay off social media if they cant resist the urge to expose their dicks to children.

^ this

@IveGotASongThatllGetOnYNerves

It's indecent exposure. It should be treated the same way in law as if they stepped in front of you and opened their grubby flashing mac.

Ages ago, I heard of someone confronted with this in a park - an elderly woman who I suppose the pathetic creep thought would be frightened.

Instead she briskly took his arm and said, ‘Come along and show that to the park keeper.’ 😂

Stop victim blaming. The responsibility for sending these pics is with the man. Not the girl or woman receiving them.

@Maireas

Stop victim blaming. The responsibility for sending these pics is with the man. Not the girl or woman receiving them.

Of course it is. Diesnt make sm safer for children though.

@Tiredan

Do you know what? It should be safe for 12 year old girls to accept friend requests from strangers because all those strangers should be conditioned into behaving well towards other people. We should be confident that predators will be caught and that the penalties for this type of behaviour should be enough to act as a deterrent. We should be really angry that men send unsolicited dick pics with out any consequences. Its dead easy to attack the mum but your ire should be directed towards the bosses of the platform who won't police it, towards the governments who have no will to legislate against it and the whole of society who condone it.

What a strange concept if this was an adult bloke living on her street knocking on the door and asking to be friends with your 12 year old but was polite and kept his bits in his pants then that would still be strange behaviour no?

But then Michael Jackson was allowed to do it so maybe not.

Why should a child have to socialise in what is predominantly an adult space? It makes no sense.

Can’t wait till this children’s version of Instagram is ready.

@Tilltheend99

I agree that the men that do this shouldn’t do this and it’s vile. However, I think it is ultimately your responsibility to make sure your daughter is only using apps aimed at adults when she has reached the appropriate age and even then making sure she has maximum levels of privacy set up.

I think you both need to be a lot more tech literate. If she was set to private a perv could only send a friends request and not a dm. You need to teach her that if anyone she doesn’t know or who is anonymous sends her messages she needs to block them straight away regardless of pet pictures.

I don’t blame DD in anyway btw she is not tech literate yet as she is a child which is why there is an age restriction in place because children can’t navigate the adult world in a safe way yet even if a parent has access to the account to occasionally check on it.

This is terrible but what if this person had kept going along ‘innocently’ befriending DD convincing her he was the same age then started asking for inappropriate photos?

The same could happen to any one of her friends who are all using it which is why I never find that a good excuse. And I guarantee that most of them will also be sent inappropriate content.

But I agree it’s sad that we live in a world where some men behave this way regardless of the age of their victims.

I'd you'd read my posts you'd have seen where I said she'd mistakenly accepted him thinking he was someone from her school. I am tech savvie and she genuinely doesn't really go on it enough to care. She puts the odd pic on if we go out for family occasion or one of the dog or horses every now and then. Mostly she doing something outdoors, we have horses so she spends most of her spare time busy with them or the dog. Social media is such a tiny part of her life that she's just testing the water with and I'm actually very proud of the way she handled this creep.