Friends DD threw my daughter to the ground

[AmIInside]

Friends daughter is 9 (same age as my DD). My DD is very into dancing and dances constantly. She dances in the house, around the living room, in her bedroom, in the garden, in the shops, in the street - constantly. She loves it.
Friends DD does karate and often practices that too.
Yesterday we were walking home from school and DD was dancing. Friends DD told her to “stop it” saying she was annoying and said “even my mum thinks you’re annoying, don’t you mum?”. Friend went bright red and said she’d never said that and her DD said “yes you did! You said “why can’t she just walk normal, remember?” Friend quickly changed the subject but was clearly embarrassed. I felt really awkward. Didn’t know what to say. DD said “I don’t care that I annoy you, if I want to dance I will do” and started to exaggerate her dancing a little and was swirling around us all. I told her to walk properly before she ends up crashing into someone. She swirled in front of friends DD who grabbed her and threw her to the floor. She landed awkwardly in a muddy puddle and really hurt her arm. She cried like mad 😢 friend told her DD off and told her to apologise, she refused saying DD started it and should just walk normal (echoing what her mum had obviously said). In anger DD shouted that friend was too ugly to be a dancer and that’s why she’s jealous. I told her off for that remark obviously but friends did retorted that DD was an attention seeking idiot and everyone thought so, even the teachers.

Anyway it got horrible and nasty. I can’t stop thinking about it.

Did she deserve to be thrown on the floor? I don’t think so. AIBU to message the mum and tell her how upset I am about the fact she’s clearly been slagging DD off at home?

I know it’s not nice and ok she shouldn’t have been pushed over but why is it ok to be swirling about in front of someone who has already said they’re annoyed. After you have told her to walk properly.
She’s 9 not a toddler and it must be quite embarrassing for her friend to be fair.

No one deserves being thrown to the ground but they're kids and not in full control of themselves. To be honest your DD does sound like an annoying kid. You think it's cute most people dont.

She shouldn't have thrown your daughter to the floor.

It does sound annoying having her dance while everyone's trying to get to school though. Is she getting in everyone's way?

Friends DD had no right to grab your DDs arm and throw her , she’s 9 not 3 and if she does karate then she should know a bit about discipline and how strong she can be .

I would cool the friendship with them tbh , friends DD obviously finds your DD annoying (whether justified or not) and her mother is encouraging it.

Do not message the mum. Your daughter does sound annoying, tbh most children other than your own are annoying and she's allowed to say what she thinks at home.

Teach your daughter some manners. Your friend told her daughter off so that's the end of it

No she shouldn't have been pushed to the ground but she should have stopped twirling around, the other young girl had already said how annoying she was being. I think your daughter could do with learning that when people say stop it's a stop but the child do with apologising too

No she shouldn’t have been pushed over.

But why is it ok for her to be twirling around like a puppy round your feet? Sounds like her friend is frustrated with her. Her actions and comments were about the constant dancing.

Your daughters comments about her being ugly were pretty disgusting.

No, your DD did not deserve to be thrown on the floor, there's no excuse for that. However, it must be bloody annoying walking along with a kid who's twirling and dancing all the time. If I was your friend no doubt I would have commented something to my kid like why can't she walk normally, just as you would comment if her kid was walking down the road kung phoo chopping everything. The odd twirl fine, but if constantly, it would be bloody wearing and tiresome.

This was on the way home, she’s practicing for a Christmas show

It’s not for anyone to police your DD, it’s certainly not for anyone else to physically assault your DD.

Your dd does sound annoying and rude but the dd shouldn't have hurt her.

Mmm violence isn't the answer but DDs friend had told her to stop and that it was annoying. Your DD responded by doing it even more? Annoying - kids don't have full impulse control.

Everyone had told her to walk normally, she's 9 not 2. Friend told DD off at the time, so I wouldn't message her again about it. What more are you expecting her to do?

Bit shit that the slagging off came out - that's why you never talk about things like that in front of blabbering children!!

I wouldn’t, it’s only going to make things worse. Maybe just steer clear of her for a bit and encourage your daughter to tone it down. I’d be annoyed if I was trying to walk and someone was skipping and jumping all over the place.

Agree that obviously no one deserves to be thrown however at 9, they’re hardly fully mature adults in control of their emotions.

Your daughter sounds like she was deliberately trying to provoke your friend’s DD after explicitly being told she was getting annoyed.

At 9 your DD should be able to understand that as much as she loves dancing, it isn't appropriate to do it in shops or whilst walking with others along the pavement. It does sound intensely annoying. The other child obviously shouldn't have pushed your DD over but this is one of those situations where nobody is in the right.

And the other parent hasn't been "slagging" your DD off at home, she's been discussing, accurately, her annoying behaviour. Presumably in order to find a way for her DD to cope with it!

To be honest, I think it all sounds a bit six of one etc. Your daughter was being deliberately annoying and provocative, your friend's daughter over reacted, horrible things were said on both sides. It's a very common fight for children in that age group.

I really would be disinclined to start fighting with your friend over this. Both children have reason to apologise here.

Of course she didn't deserve to be pushed to the ground. However both you and her friend told her to stop and she carried on. The friend was wrong to react the way she did, but it sounds like your DD enjoyed winding up her friend and was trying to provoke a reaction.

Absolutely the other child shouldn't have thrown her to the ground, but trying to walk with someone constantly pirouetting would be highly annoying also. Your daughters friend is right that it was and is OTT, but should have left it at that .

Your daughter sounds incredibly irritating. It's not cool that her friend hurt her, but sounds like she'd had more than she could take.
Your friend can say what she likes in her own home. No, she shouldn't have said it within her daughter's hearing, but these things happen.
Your daughter does sound like PITA. 🤷

They were both being quite vile to be honest.

No, your DD didn't deserve to be pushed over, but then it does sound like she was egging her friend on by 'exaggerating' her dancing and then saying something really cruel afterwards.

Do they actually even like each other? Maybe stop walking home together until the girls sort it out between them. Or find other friends.

Is it possible your dd has been known to insult her friend before today eg calling her ugly etc while dancing? Dancing everywhere at 9 seems very extreme and she should be controlling herself in certain situations. The pushing was wrong but it sounds very much like your dd had pushed it way to far.

Violence is never ok...of course your DD didn't deserve to be thrown on the ground.

Your DD is entitled to dance down the street if she wants but she shouldn't be getting in people's way. Yes, many people will find it annoying. Your DD is probably coming up to the age when she should realise there is a time and a place for everything.

Everyone in the wrong.

Don't talk to them/walk with them further.

Your dd should not have been pushed to the ground, she also should not have been deliberately aggravating the friend by dancing around and getting in the way, nor should she be calling another child ugly.

It doesn’t seem that this friendship is doing any good.

I think there is no reason for you to berate friend further. Let the friendship slide, you don't seem to like each other much, all four of you.