Friends DD threw my daughter to the ground

[AmIInside]

Friends daughter is 9 (same age as my DD). My DD is very into dancing and dances constantly. She dances in the house, around the living room, in her bedroom, in the garden, in the shops, in the street - constantly. She loves it.
Friends DD does karate and often practices that too.
Yesterday we were walking home from school and DD was dancing. Friends DD told her to “stop it” saying she was annoying and said “even my mum thinks you’re annoying, don’t you mum?”. Friend went bright red and said she’d never said that and her DD said “yes you did! You said “why can’t she just walk normal, remember?” Friend quickly changed the subject but was clearly embarrassed. I felt really awkward. Didn’t know what to say. DD said “I don’t care that I annoy you, if I want to dance I will do” and started to exaggerate her dancing a little and was swirling around us all. I told her to walk properly before she ends up crashing into someone. She swirled in front of friends DD who grabbed her and threw her to the floor. She landed awkwardly in a muddy puddle and really hurt her arm. She cried like mad 😢 friend told her DD off and told her to apologise, she refused saying DD started it and should just walk normal (echoing what her mum had obviously said). In anger DD shouted that friend was too ugly to be a dancer and that’s why she’s jealous. I told her off for that remark obviously but friends did retorted that DD was an attention seeking idiot and everyone thought so, even the teachers.

Anyway it got horrible and nasty. I can’t stop thinking about it.

Did she deserve to be thrown on the floor? I don’t think so. AIBU to message the mum and tell her how upset I am about the fact she’s clearly been slagging DD off at home?

so are people saying if i annoy someone enough they can knock me over? violence is never the right answer

The golden rule for my kids school is if someone says “stop it I don’t like that” then the other child has to respect it and stop. This includes being right up in someone’s personal space (like your DDs dancing). Both kids need to learn to respect each other more, but your friend’s DD took it to another level and I don’t think you should be friends with either of them anymore, they sound nasty.

Your daughter sounds incredibly annoying and attention seeking.

I would try to put the whole episode behind you both to be honest.

DD said “I don’t care that I annoy you, if I want to dance I will do” and started to exaggerate her dancing a little and was swirling around us all. I told her to walk properly before she ends up crashing into someone. She swirled in front of friends DD who grabbed her and threw her to the floor. She landed awkwardly in a muddy puddle and really hurt her arm. She cried like mad

So did the friend just randomly grab and throw her or did she push dd over because she was again dancing around in her face and space?

Sorry OP but I'm with the majority of others here.

It sounds like 2 kids having a petty row, which your DD was just as much a part of. The other girl's mum already told her off after she hurt your DD, what more could you reasonably expect her to do if you text her?

As others have said, everyone is in the wrong here, both kids need to apologise to each other and then no hanging out in the future as they don't get on.

I'm also gutted that so many people here think dancing in the street is inappropriate. What a world!

I’m not sure the OP will be coming back to this thread

You abs your friend both need to deal with each of your DDs behaviour

Your DD was being deliberately aggravating and didn't stop when asked, she could have tripped up or bashed into any of you

Her DD should'nt have thrown her onto the ground

Neither should have responded as nastily verbally to each other as they did

So - OP- all you can do is deal with your DDs behaviour and that would be 1. telling her when asked to stop doing something annoying she stops without argument straight away. 2. to stop dancing in general in circles around people who are trying to walk. 3. that what she said was nasty and it's ok

I'd be asking my DD if that is how she usually behaves towards her friends or family friends, as she won't have many for long if she keeps it up.

And hope that your friend does same "I am unhappy with your behaviour talk" with her DD.

"DD said “I don’t care that I annoy you, if I want to dance I will do” and started to exaggerate her dancing a little and was swirling around us all."

@AmIInside it appears that your DD is annoying to others and doesn't care that she is. The other child's reaction was over the top but frankly some children are very annoying and assume others should put up with their behaviours eg dancing and swirling too close when asked not to.

Maybe a lesson learned to be aware of others and not be so entitled to do what she feels like>

I think friends DD has wanted away from your DD for a while but has been forced to tolerate her because the mums are friends. Best to walk separately and try to keep the adult friendship (if you want to) away from the girls.

You can't do anything about your friends DD but you can do something about the fact your DD is a PITA, doesn't do what you ask her and throws nasty insults around. It isn't going to help her socially to encourage any of that.

1. ...& it's not ok!

Missed the 'not' out!

Of course the other child shouldn’t have pushed your DD over however your DD come out of this well either. She does sound like a very annoying, attention seeker and part of that is your fault for indulging in her behaviour. You need to get a grip of her prancing about in the streets and shops instead of walking properly before she knocks an elderly or disabled person over and puts them in hospital.

@Marikali

I'm also gutted that so many people here think dancing in the street is inappropriate. What a world!

I think there's a big difference between just dancing in the street and doing it when you know it really annoys the people you're with.

No it isn't okay to push someone to the ground ever.
Your DD dancing around public areas whilst people are walking or in shops is unacceptable.
If we all do as we like disturbing others life would be chaotic.

so are people saying if i annoy someone enough they can knock me over?

That depends, are you a child doing it deliberately to another child?
Where do you live where kids don’t push and shove and rough house?

I would cool it with the mum personally because at 8/9 when dd came to me and said x is so annoying doing xyz all the time my response is always its just there nature maybe avoid them for awhile if it annoys you I wouldn't join in a slag off session its a CHILD just teach them how to respond!
Friend annoying-ask them to stop-friend continues-remove yourself from friend for awhile until your no longer annoyed

I don’t really understand what texting her would achieve. She told her daughter off, that’s the end of it.

Don’t tell me you’ve never spoken about another persons child.

@AmIInside

This was on the way home, she’s practicing for a Christmas show

not relevant

I don't think the friends DD should have thrown her to the ground but it sounds like it happened because your DD was deliberately dancing about in front of her and getting in the way. There's a big difference between throwing someone to the ground out of nowhere and reacting to extreme annoyance.

Neither child has come out of it well.

I know it’s not nice and ok she shouldn’t have been pushed over but why is it ok to be swirling about in front of someone who has already said they’re annoyed. After you have told her to walk properly.

Yay, very first response and we have a "well, she was asking for it".

Kids are annoying and do things to annoy people on purpose. They throw about childish insults. It is what kids do. It rarely harms anyone in a tit for tat situation, and is usually how kids learn boundaries. Both the adults here did the right thing and berated their children for their words. Anyone who expects a 9 year old to never say anything mean to a classmate is delusional. My daughter is incredibly well behaved and sensible but it wouldn't surprise me if she had called someone a name at some point in her life.

Kids should not karate drop each other to the ground, that is not acceptable. Someone needs to have a word with the child and explain that karate should never be used in this way, as she will have been taught in class.

Neither of these kids seem to enjoy their friendship so it is probably best to ease off. Don't challenge the mum, nothing useful can come of that. Some kids just do not gel and even if they did when younger, now is the age where differences start to become obvious to them.

I will say one thing of caution though my dd was like this bouncing spinning whirling constantly bright well spoken etc etc she gets to university and they spotted she has adhd because she is intelligent they decided it was just in her "nature" she struggles to form and keep friends because of this

@Marikali

I'm also gutted that so many people here think dancing in the street is inappropriate. What a world!

By all means dance in the street- especially if it's raining and there's a lamppost to swing around whilst splashing! 🕺🏻 ... But don't dance and twirl in circles round and round people that are walking , making them think you will trip them up or bash into them or continue when they have asked you repeatedly to stop. Go dance somewhere else away from people that don't want you flailing around near them. That's not "dancing" that's aggravating and inappropriate.

There's a big difference between throwing someone to the ground out of nowhere and reacting to extreme annoyance.

Perhaps you could provide a list of things people should be expected to be physically thrown to the ground for? Might be useful when I'm trying to avoid being thrown to the floor by my work colleagues or my husband?

. I would suggest it is a good thing to learn that if something is really bothering someone it is polite to listen to their request and stop, but that can be really difficult if you feel like what they are asking you to do is stop being yourself. While its good to notice if what you do negatively impacts on other people, why shouldn't you swirl down the street and take up space if you want to? Sounds like the other child is worried about fitting in and that should definitely be questioned, especially if it comes to dimming your child's spark.

Dimming your child's spark? What telling a child to stop dancing in people's faces and in inappropriate places is dimming a spark?
Well so why can't the other child practice karate wherever she wants, or the long jump etc, why should her spark be dimmed?