Friends DD threw my daughter to the ground

[AmIInside]

Friends daughter is 9 (same age as my DD). My DD is very into dancing and dances constantly. She dances in the house, around the living room, in her bedroom, in the garden, in the shops, in the street - constantly. She loves it.
Friends DD does karate and often practices that too.
Yesterday we were walking home from school and DD was dancing. Friends DD told her to “stop it” saying she was annoying and said “even my mum thinks you’re annoying, don’t you mum?”. Friend went bright red and said she’d never said that and her DD said “yes you did! You said “why can’t she just walk normal, remember?” Friend quickly changed the subject but was clearly embarrassed. I felt really awkward. Didn’t know what to say. DD said “I don’t care that I annoy you, if I want to dance I will do” and started to exaggerate her dancing a little and was swirling around us all. I told her to walk properly before she ends up crashing into someone. She swirled in front of friends DD who grabbed her and threw her to the floor. She landed awkwardly in a muddy puddle and really hurt her arm. She cried like mad 😢 friend told her DD off and told her to apologise, she refused saying DD started it and should just walk normal (echoing what her mum had obviously said). In anger DD shouted that friend was too ugly to be a dancer and that’s why she’s jealous. I told her off for that remark obviously but friends did retorted that DD was an attention seeking idiot and everyone thought so, even the teachers.

Anyway it got horrible and nasty. I can’t stop thinking about it.

Did she deserve to be thrown on the floor? I don’t think so. AIBU to message the mum and tell her how upset I am about the fact she’s clearly been slagging DD off at home?

[quote Offmyfence]@ancientgran the friend told her to stop , her mother told her to stop!

Why didn't she stop?

She actually did it more! Oh

Because she's a disobedient madam!
[/quote]
I think there has been something of a willful misrepresentation of the friend "telling her to stop" on this thread that paints her in an unreasonably favourable light. It's not as though she politely, or even firmly but fairly, asked OPs DD to stay out of her personal space.

What OP actually said was this

Yesterday we were walking home from school and DD was dancing. Friends DD told her to “stop it” saying she was annoying and said “even my mum thinks you’re annoying, don’t you mum?”. Friend went bright red and said she’d never said that and her DD said “yes you did! You said “why can’t she just walk normal, remember?” Friend quickly changed the subject but was clearly embarrassed. I felt really awkward. Didn’t know what to say. DD said “I don’t care that I annoy you, if I want to dance I will do” and started to exaggerate her dancing a little and was swirling around us all.

The way the friend's DD addressed her there was unnecessarily insulting, telling DD not that her behaviour was annoying, but that SHE was annoying, and everyone from her friend's mother to her peers thinks so. DD's response seems somewhat different in that context. She did what she did in response to being quite cuttingly insulted.

@ChequerBoard

"I think it is quite odd to be quite so vitriolic about a girl you have never met, a 9 year old who was hurt, calling her obnoxious and a twat isn't really justified just because she wants to dance whilst at the same time justifying violence."

Somewhat hypocritical no, that it is fine for you to label KatrateKid as the perpetrator of a violent physical assault. Is that not vitriolic?

If anyone is a bully is the dancing girl with the ' too ugly to dance' comment. That's just plain nasty.

I am only saying what she did, I haven't called her a twat or obnoxious. One girl was dancing, one was violent, that is anything other than stating the facts as we have been given them.

@Stela40

@ ancientgran

"I think it is quite odd to be quite so vitriolic about a girl you have never met...."

Didn't you call friend's DD a "little madam" in one of your posts and this was without hearing both sides of the story?

I am struggling to understand your persistence in totally negating any responsibility that OP's DD had in this situation. "I don't care if I annoy you....." said before any pushing etc. So you are effectively condoning such behaviour?

Friend's DD had a choice and sadly, chose to push/throw. That was a poor choice and a wrong choice and it could have resulted in far worse than it did.

OP's DD had a choice to listen and follow instructions when her mother told her to stop dancing in case she crashed into someone (in the original post but you keep overlooking that bit!). Her mother was clearly concerned about the safety aspect of this behaviour. DD chose to ignore her mother and then exaggerate her behaviour still further.
Now, if she had caused someone, or herself, to be hurt by doing this, would you then think that this was just an unfortunate accident? The fact it didn't happen on this occasion is really neither here nor there. If such behaviour is allowed to continue then I think it is a matter of when, not if, she hurts herself or someone else.
Violence is wrong but doesn't wipe out any fault of the other party.

Not quite the same as calling her obnoxious or a twat. You seem to forget the other girl started it, this wasn't the dancing girl suddenly turning on someone, look at the chain of events, the other girl told her to stop, then she was rude to her and then she attacked her.

Violence is wrong, no ifs no buts unless you want to start defending men who beat their wives because they are annoying and don't do what they are told to do.

@ancientgran "You seem to forget the other girl started it, this wasn't the dancing girl suddenly turning on someone, look at the chain of events, the other girl told her to stop, then she was rude to her and then she attacked her."

The 'other girl' didn't start it though did she? Yet again you have left out the crucial step - where Dancing Girl started it by ignoring her own mother's request to stop and instead increasing her efforts, twirling in front of the group.

Still not getting why you are incapable of including that part of the events in any of your many posts about this.

@aSofaNearYou oh come on dancing madam is clearly bloody annoying. Twirling round everyone , how bloody annoying is that!

She's a very annoying little madam, who needs to learn when dancing is appropriate and it's not in shops and along the street,

Because that's annoying!

@ancientgran
"Violence is wrong, no ifs no buts unless you want to start defending men who beat their wives because they are annoying and don't do what they are told to do."

Seriously? 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Please show me where I "defended" violence!

I think the fact that so many replies to your ridiculous posts begin with, "I never said....." suggests that you have a major problem with reading comprehension.

@ancientgran

"attacked"? "violent"?

Really?

One girl was being bloody annoying. The other girl gave her a shove. They were both in the wrong, but they are both children. The mothers should have intervened sooner - Dancing Queen's mother should have told her daughter in no uncertain terms to get out of everyone's space. But I suspect she's a PFB who has been led to believe that she can have her own way regardless. That's less of a leap, btw, than you painting Karate Kid as a violent thug who is going to end up in prison.

Given that DQ's mother is evidently incapable of reigning her daughter in, KK's mother ought to have stepped in, and ought to have told DQ, politely but in a way that invites no opposition, to stop twirling in their space. Had the adults taken the initiative, the children wouldn't have ended up both in the wrong.

reining. Auto "correct".

[quote Offmyfence]@aSofaNearYou oh come on dancing madam is clearly bloody annoying. Twirling round everyone , how bloody annoying is that!

She's a very annoying little madam, who needs to learn when dancing is appropriate and it's not in shops and along the street,

Because that's annoying! [/quote]
Believe me I'm not shy of admitting children are annoying. She is annoying. Nevertheless, she was a nine year old that was just told "you are annoying, my mum says you're not normal, everybody thinks you're annoying even the teachers". That's quite an extreme, harsh thing to hear at that age, and she acted defensively. I truly believe most parents would champion their children standing up for themselves and saying they don't care what another child thinks in the face of such strong insults, it would most likely be called bullying.

I have no doubt that the daughter is annoying. But it was the other girl who stepped the furthest out of line behaviour wise, she was overly hurtful from the get go, and strongly and disproportionately provoked dancer girl.

I do hope OP that your DD is ok and her arm is not broken.
I don’t agree with comments that if someone’s behaviour annoys you you can use violence. No, you can’t.

The Karate girl could say : “I don’t want to walk with you” or something to this effect but she’s chosen quite different reaction. I would say that her reaction is not proportional to the situation and looks for me like she’s got anger issues.
Yes, dancing (or doing anything else) to annoy someone is wrong but doing something wrong doesn’t justify violence.
Also the Karate girl was trying to insult the Dance girl first. She didn’t say: “ Stop it. I can’t walk/ you are on my way” She said: “You are annoying and everyone is saying so”.
However saying this on OP’s place I would have a chat with my daughter that dancing everywhere is not appropriate, that to say “you are ugly” is very wrong and I would have a word with her teacher about it in case it’s an issue at the school.
And I would cool down the relationship with the other family, at least for some time.

hope OP that your DD is ok and her arm is not broken
Ooooh, the DRAMA from Team Twirlygirl.

I do hope OP that your DD is ok and her arm is not broken.

Or dislocated, it could be dislocated?

Maybe she'll not be able to feature in the Christmas show?

D R A M A

I do hope OP that your DD is ok and her arm is not broken.

I also hope that KG has no life long issues about being told she's too ugly to be a dancer. I hope she doesn't always feel self conscious when she dances and remember those nasty words.

Your child probably was annoying doesn't mean the other child gets to hurl her to the ground. Ditch this friendship, your dd is the first priority and the girls don't seem to like each other much anyway.

@aSofaNearYou at what point was it said by any party you're not normal? It was said why can't set walk normal, which is a perfectly valid point!

I think you need to read the OP again.

[quote Offmyfence]@aSofaNearYou at what point was it said by any party you're not normal? It was said why can't set walk normal, which is a perfectly valid point!

I think you need to read the OP again. [/quote]
You think I need to read the OP again because I paraphrased ONE of the multiple upsetting things she said?

That is either very nitpicky or a very weak argument indeed.

How about responding to the rest of it?

@aSofaNearYou not nit picky at all, just stating the things that both you and ancientgran seem to miss... odd really that they're all things that seem to make DM a better person....

[quote Offmyfence]@aSofaNearYou not nit picky at all, just stating the things that both you and ancientgran seem to miss... odd really that they're all things that seem to make DM a better person.... [/quote]
You are very self congratulatory for someone that is being incredibly hypocritical here.

I haven't missed any more than you have. I've acknowledged that the DD sounds annoying. She was also reactionary and insulted the other girl back later on.

But you and others like you have very clearly presented the other girl in an overly favourable light, which is ironic given what you've said to me above.

She did not "ask the other girl to get out of her way", what she said was far more insulting than that and at that point she lost the moral high ground about OPs DD continuing to dance. If the other girl had just said "it's annoying when you do that, can you stop", and she'd continued, it would be another story. But that is not what happened, and no amount of posters like you patting yourself on the back and telling everyone else they must have missed something will make it so.

@Sceptre86

Your child probably was annoying doesn't mean the other child gets to hurl her to the ground. Ditch this friendship, your dd is the first priority and the girls don't seem to like each other much anyway.

Unfortunately, it sounds as if this Dancing Girl has been allowed to think she is everyone's first priority. Her mother ought to wonder why she is so annoying, as I am guessing that what the Karate girl said about everyone finding her annoying is true (if unkind).

There’s a time and a place for dance practice, it’s not when walking in a group. I can see how irritating it could be, for all parties. Definitely encourage your daughter to dance at home but explain that it’s not appropriate when out and about etc. She’ll end up being bullied if she irritates and alienates her peers.

At 9 your dd should walk property and leave dancing for at home.

So did KG do a karate throw (not acceptable) or a shove aside and DG stumbled (understandable)?
Maybe the incident has a silver lining and DG won't annoy others so much in future. And actually listen to her dm!

So OP what did you decide? Did you tell karate kid’s mum you were upset with her for finding your DD’s dancing annoying? Have you all kissed and made up? Is your daughter still dancing everywhere or has she learned to be more respectful of other people’s space? KK thrown anymore kids into puddles lately, or has it been dry where you are?