Friends DD threw my daughter to the ground

[AmIInside]

Friends daughter is 9 (same age as my DD). My DD is very into dancing and dances constantly. She dances in the house, around the living room, in her bedroom, in the garden, in the shops, in the street - constantly. She loves it.
Friends DD does karate and often practices that too.
Yesterday we were walking home from school and DD was dancing. Friends DD told her to “stop it” saying she was annoying and said “even my mum thinks you’re annoying, don’t you mum?”. Friend went bright red and said she’d never said that and her DD said “yes you did! You said “why can’t she just walk normal, remember?” Friend quickly changed the subject but was clearly embarrassed. I felt really awkward. Didn’t know what to say. DD said “I don’t care that I annoy you, if I want to dance I will do” and started to exaggerate her dancing a little and was swirling around us all. I told her to walk properly before she ends up crashing into someone. She swirled in front of friends DD who grabbed her and threw her to the floor. She landed awkwardly in a muddy puddle and really hurt her arm. She cried like mad 😢 friend told her DD off and told her to apologise, she refused saying DD started it and should just walk normal (echoing what her mum had obviously said). In anger DD shouted that friend was too ugly to be a dancer and that’s why she’s jealous. I told her off for that remark obviously but friends did retorted that DD was an attention seeking idiot and everyone thought so, even the teachers.

Anyway it got horrible and nasty. I can’t stop thinking about it.

Did she deserve to be thrown on the floor? I don’t think so. AIBU to message the mum and tell her how upset I am about the fact she’s clearly been slagging DD off at home?

@BlaBlaSmthSmth sorry i should have said it seems to me or in my opinion it seems... as thats my interpretation on this public forum. You'll find people do voice their opinions when asked for opinions.

@PinkSyCo

I’m sorry but your DD sounds annoying, provocative and mean. I’m team karate kid.

So you support physical assaults. Do you think you'd feel the same if you were assaulted?

[quote AveryGoodlay]@BlaBlaSmthSmth sorry i should have said it seems to me or in my opinion it seems... as thats my interpretation on this public forum. You'll find people do voice their opinions when asked for opinions.[/quote]
Yes that's exactly what I said in my post, that is your interpretation. It didn't seem that way to me, and what with this being a public forum I thought I'd share my counter opinion.

So you support physical assaults. Do you think you'd feel the same if you were assaulted?

Dancing queen doesn’t listen to her mother and is a hazard to innocent people trying to get from A to B without being stepped on, tripped over or crashed into. Karate kid’s actions will hopefully make DQ think twice before acting the goat again.

Yes that's exactly what I said in my post, that is your interpretation. It didn't seem that way to me, and what with this being a public forum I thought I'd share my counter opinion. Ah ok thanks for the clarification

@PinkSyCo

So you support physical assaults. Do you think you'd feel the same if you were assaulted?

Dancing queen doesn’t listen to her mother and is a hazard to innocent people trying to get from A to B without being stepped on, tripped over or crashed into. Karate kid’s actions will hopefully make DQ think twice before acting the goat again.

So do you support physical assaults or not? The girl dancing didn't actually hurt anyone, the other girl did and she did it quite deliberately so you might think it is annyong you might think it is potentially dangerous but do you think physically assaulting someone is OK. Simple question.

The girl dancing didn't actually hurt anyone, the other girl did and she did it quite deliberately

That’s your opinion of what happened. My opinion on what we’ve been told is dancing girl was exaggerating and twirling in other girls face to antagonise her. Other girl pushed her away. Dancing girl fell over.

And yes if you were pissing about in my face after several people had asked you not to, I’d push you away from me as well.

So do you support physical assaults or not? The girl dancing didn't actually hurt anyone, the other girl did and she did it quite deliberately so you might think it is annyong you might think it is potentially dangerous but do you think physically assaulting someone is OK. Simple question.

This isn’t a court of law ffs. I don’t ‘support physical assaults’ in general, but we’re talking about a couple of 9 year olds here, one of whom is indulged and annoying to both other kids and adults alike. She deliberately provokes the other child, who had asked her to stop, by getting in her space and jumping around even more and calls her ugly (which is worse than being pushed over in my opinion), so I do not blame karate kid for putting an end to it in the only way she knows how in this instance no.

@Clementineapples

The girl dancing didn't actually hurt anyone, the other girl did and she did it quite deliberately

That’s your opinion of what happened. My opinion on what we’ve been told is dancing girl was exaggerating and twirling in other girls face to antagonise her. Other girl pushed her away. Dancing girl fell over.

And yes if you were pissing about in my face after several people had asked you not to, I’d push you away from me as well.

The OP didn't say she was dancing in the other girls face, she said she was dancing round them. OP didn't say the girl pushed her and she fell over, she said she grabbed her and threw her to the ground. It isn't my opinion, it is what we have been told, what you are saying is what you've made up.

So you do support physical violence.

@PinkSyCo

So do you support physical assaults or not? The girl dancing didn't actually hurt anyone, the other girl did and she did it quite deliberately so you might think it is annyong you might think it is potentially dangerous but do you think physically assaulting someone is OK. Simple question.

This isn’t a court of law ffs. I don’t ‘support physical assaults’ in general, but we’re talking about a couple of 9 year olds here, one of whom is indulged and annoying to both other kids and adults alike. She deliberately provokes the other child, who had asked her to stop, by getting in her space and jumping around even more and calls her ugly (which is worse than being pushed over in my opinion), so I do not blame karate kid for putting an end to it in the only way she knows how in this instance no.

The other girl didn't ask her to stop she told her to stop and then started being nasty. She only called her ugly after she had been assaulted.

It is so funny that you try every way to say you are supporting physical violence without actually straight out saying it. I wonder why?

@ancientgran every time you leave out the part where DancingGirl ignored her mother telling her to stop and escalated the entire event by doing the opposite, dancing more exaggeratedly and twirling in front of KarateKid.

Ignoring your mother and deliberately provoking people is OK behaviour in your book then?

As I've said before, it's much more likely that the twirling twat was pushed as she was directly in the way and toppled over mid-twirl. But that's not dramatic enough and doesn't put the obnoxious PBF that is DancingGirl in the right light for her clearly doting Ma.

[quote ChequerBoard]@ancientgran every time you leave out the part where DancingGirl ignored her mother telling her to stop and escalated the entire event by doing the opposite, dancing more exaggeratedly and twirling in front of KarateKid.

Ignoring your mother and deliberately provoking people is OK behaviour in your book then?

As I've said before, it's much more likely that the twirling twat was pushed as she was directly in the way and toppled over mid-twirl. But that's not dramatic enough and doesn't put the obnoxious PBF that is DancingGirl in the right light for her clearly doting Ma.[/quote]
I agree, I keep bringing it up, but no, no response that DG ignored her mother being concerned that she would crash into someone, the response was to increase the behaviour. That's threatening and aggressive.

Also, KG told her she was "annoying" which she clearly was, but it was ok for DG to say that KG was ugly, very nasty.

[quote ChequerBoard]@ancientgran every time you leave out the part where DancingGirl ignored her mother telling her to stop and escalated the entire event by doing the opposite, dancing more exaggeratedly and twirling in front of KarateKid.

Ignoring your mother and deliberately provoking people is OK behaviour in your book then?

As I've said before, it's much more likely that the twirling twat was pushed as she was directly in the way and toppled over mid-twirl. But that's not dramatic enough and doesn't put the obnoxious PBF that is DancingGirl in the right light for her clearly doting Ma.[/quote]
Well obviously you know more about what happened that the OP who witnessed it.

The karate girl also disobeyed her mother and refused to apologise so I think they are equally wrong on that but only one was violent.

I think it is quite odd to be quite so vitriolic about a girl you have never met, a 9 year old who was hurt, calling her obnoxious and a twat isn't really justified just because she wants to dance whilst at the same time justifying violence.

@AmIInside I think you've been treated really harshly on here. Being thrown to the floor by someone is not the same as pushing them out if your space or face and I would think of it as assault especially if they do martial arts. I thought that martial arts instructors would not look kindly to their students being unable to control themselves in this way?

Many kids behave in a way that's irritating or annoying to others but others aren't throwing them to the ground (though witnessing a couple of the kids outside school in the morning I imagine the thought does go through some peoples minds).

Jesus. Now the child is an obnoxious twirling twat? Get a fucking grip and settle down @ChequerBoard you sound like an absolute bully.
Kids are annoying, it's part of childhood and learning how to behave. Fully grown adults name calling children and condoning bullying behaviour is completely unacceptable.

"I think it is quite odd to be quite so vitriolic about a girl you have never met, a 9 year old who was hurt, calling her obnoxious and a twat isn't really justified just because she wants to dance whilst at the same time justifying violence."

Somewhat hypocritical no, that it is fine for you to label KatrateKid as the perpetrator of a violent physical assault. Is that not vitriolic?

If anyone is a bully is the dancing girl with the ' too ugly to dance' comment. That's just plain nasty.

I thought that martial arts instructors would not look kindly to their students being unable to control themselves in this way

My Ds used to do karate. The instructor always made it very clear. You were only to use it as a last resort and as self defence...once any physical threat to you had gone, you stop.

Throughout our lives we all encounter annoyances and people who irritate us...but we live in a civilized society and control ourselves and refrain from violence to resolve things. It is up to us as parents to teach our children impulse control and that we cannot solve these annoyances through force.

But regardless, they're both children. They're learning to navigate the world and how to behave. Dancing child will learn there's a time and place and the child who pushed will learn not to use violence again I'd imagine.

@ ancientgran

"I think it is quite odd to be quite so vitriolic about a girl you have never met...."

Didn't you call friend's DD a "little madam" in one of your posts and this was without hearing both sides of the story?

I am struggling to understand your persistence in totally negating any responsibility that OP's DD had in this situation. "I don't care if I annoy you....." said before any pushing etc. So you are effectively condoning such behaviour?

Friend's DD had a choice and sadly, chose to push/throw. That was a poor choice and a wrong choice and it could have resulted in far worse than it did.

OP's DD had a choice to listen and follow instructions when her mother told her to stop dancing in case she crashed into someone (in the original post but you keep overlooking that bit!). Her mother was clearly concerned about the safety aspect of this behaviour. DD chose to ignore her mother and then exaggerate her behaviour still further.
Now, if she had caused someone, or herself, to be hurt by doing this, would you then think that this was just an unfortunate accident? The fact it didn't happen on this occasion is really neither here nor there. If such behaviour is allowed to continue then I think it is a matter of when, not if, she hurts herself or someone else.
Violence is wrong but doesn't wipe out any fault of the other party.

As if this is still going! @ancientgran is 100% OP or maternal grandma, there’s no way someone can be so over invested in thread and spectacularly only see one side!

@halloweenqwueeeen

As if this is still going! *@ancientgran* is 100% OP or maternal grandma, there’s no way someone can be so over invested in thread and spectacularly only see one side!

Maybe *@ancientgran* was shocked at the nastiness being directed at a child and wanted to call people out on it. She's not alone on that.

If you suspect someone of sock puppetry then you should report it to MNHQ. They will know. There's no need to throw those sort of dismissive comments about in the thread.

@ancientgran

In this situation sure I support physical violence since you keep banging on about it. You’re not going to change my mind that the annoying, twirling, ignorant brat didn’t deserve to be put on her arse.

@ancientgran the friend told her to stop , her mother told her to stop!

Why didn't she stop?

She actually did it more! Oh

Because she's a disobedient madam!

[quote Offmyfence]@ancientgran the friend told her to stop , her mother told her to stop!

Why didn't she stop?

She actually did it more! Oh

Because she's a disobedient madam!
[/quote]
but at least she isn't a violent disobedient madam. Let's think as they grow up which one is likely to end up in trouble with the law if they don't improve. The one who likes to dance or the one who likes to attack people Hard call isn't it.

[quote Clementineapples]@ancientgran

In this situation sure I support physical violence since you keep banging on about it. You’re not going to change my mind that the annoying, twirling, ignorant brat didn’t deserve to be put on her arse.[/quote]
Despicable to be approving of violence to a child but I suppose at least your are honest about your support of violence.

@halloweenqwueeeen

As if this is still going! *@ancientgran* is 100% OP or maternal grandma, there’s no way someone can be so over invested in thread and spectacularly only see one side!

How hilarious, coming on here to call a child names and support violence and I'm the one who can only see one side. At least I see the non violent side.