Is it unusual to expect kids to share bedrooms these days?

[Helloise]

Just read another thread where the poster said she needed a bedroom for each of her 4 children- which is fine if you can afford a house that big but I was a little surprised by the word "need" instead of "want".

My kids are grown up now but my girls shared a bedroom their whole lives- even though we could have technically afforded a bigger house, we wanted to live in a vibrant, active city so we lived in an apartment where they had to share (they had the big room, their older brother had the tiny room) rather than moving to a bigger place in the suburbs. Talking to my friends now who still have kids at home it just seems expected that every child will have a bedroom, even if that means two glorified box rooms instead of one regular double bedroom. One of my colleagues is pregnant again and is selling her fully-restored three-bedroom 1930's semi to move into a four-bed new build (with all the problems inherent in some new build estates including tiny rooms , no trees, and no decent public transport) She's not delighted about it but thinks she has no choice because she can't make her two boys (ages 9 and 11) share!

I shared with my sister growing up as well, not because our house wasn't big enough but because my mother had a sewing room and a perfectly pristine "guest room" and that's just the way things were.

Yes, I know that many people share because they can't afford not to (my partner grew up as a first-gen immigrant in NYC and shared a one-bedroom apartment with her parents and three sisters until she was a teenager and they are all happy, healthy, and successful)- that's not what I am talking about here. I just feel like those who can afford or those who can afford it at a stretch it will prioritise a bedroom for every child over other things- like room size and location -more than they would have in the past, and am wondering if other people have noticed the same thing?

I don't think it is unusual for smaller dc to share. Mine did until they were 10 and 8.

I think most people recognise that it is preferable for older dc to have their own space if this is possible (obviously it isn't always possible). In my experience it is rarer to see teens sharing.

I think it's odd how this has become a thing in recent years.

I guess it’s not as usual as it once was, if indeed it ever was. My parents moved when I was 5 in 1984 as we lived in a 2-bed and they prioritised me and DB having a room each. I can only think of a couple of my school friends who used to share with siblings.

My friend has a DD and DSD and ended up avoiding a new build, as they didn’t want DSD in a tiny box room. She said to get three decent sized bedrooms from a new build you have to buy a 4 bed.

If siblings are small, it’s not unusual.
Once they get older there’s naturally more desire for privacy. Also people tend to have smaller families these days then it was common in the past so naturally they have more space available.

My younger two share 10 and 5. The plan is once the oldest is more 16/17 to build a proper bedroom lodge/shed thing in the garden for him so he can be more independent as such with his own space and then separate the girls.

The shed will exist before the oldest is that old as a summer house/children’s den hang out area to create more places for privacy/space.

I think asking a 9 and 11 year old to share at this point is different to having children who have shared since they were younger.

Most people I know children don't share, but mostly 2 children per family I don't think there is any problem with sharing a room but I do think it seems to be less common. Likely due to smaller families though.

Yes I think you're exactly right, people have nudged the idea of own bedrooms for DC up the priority list a bit. Ditto eat in kitchens.

Or maybe we just all expect more these days - no one I knew growing up had a playroom whereas these days, it's much more common.

Double garages used to be sought after, now it's relatively rare to keep one car in a garage, let alone 2. Therefore a garage conversion makes loads of sense. How much of this is because we have so much stuff now, and how much because cars are more robust and less temperamental in winter, I'm not sure.

2 of the 3 families I know with 4 children have their kids share.

My friend has a five bed and three kids. The two primary age girls chose to share so she has a study and a spare room

I don't think it's that unusual for mixed sex siblings to share until around 10 or for full of the same sex who are close in age to share long term.

I think many of the posts arise when people blend families and they need more rooms due to age gaps and step children.

Probably not a popular opinion on here and no offence intended to anyone whose children share but I would never expect kids to share a bedroom. I think if I hadn't had my own space growing up I would have gone insane.

It's unusual for most people I know, but none of my friends or family have more than 2 children. We live in a relatively inexpensive part of the UK, so families generally have a 3 or 4 bedroom house.

I sont know how new it is. I'm approaching 40 and remember a friend of mine where the parents set their bedroom up in the conservatory so she and her (1 year younger) sister could have a room each.

@Lavender24

Probably not a popular opinion on here and no offence intended to anyone whose children share but I would never expect kids to share a bedroom. I think if I hadn't had my own space growing up I would have gone insane.

Yeah, if I'm 100% honest it would have been better for my sister and I not to share as we were very different and we fought a lot- I still have a scar from being hit in the head with a flying papier mache pineapple in an argument over a pair of Guess jeans (it was the 80s 😂) luckily we had a big rambling house so I was able to find places to hide with my books and my walkman. My daughters, on the other hand, really supported each other and their relationship is a key part of "who they are". I guess it depends on the kids in question and it's good to have options if you can afford it!

I think this generation is the first where most kids expect their own room. When I grew up I shared as did everyone I knew until someone moved out.

I think it's wrong to make children share a room. OK there may be cases where they actually want to, but it should always be a choice. Children need privacy and alone time, they can't get that if they have to share. At best there's unnecessary friction and poorer exam results (even if they do well at their exams, they'd have done better with their own room and facilities). At worst it's an open invitation for abuse.

That's the real reason why sharing is wrong: except in the case of twins, there is usually an age gap of at least a couple of years. The elder child will be stronger and able to physically, mentally, emotionally and sexually abuse the younger child as much as they want. Sibling-on-sibling abuse is grossly underestimated, it is overwhelminingly more likely to happen than a stranger abusing a child. OK you can't protect them all the time, but at least if they have their own room they have the chance to have a "safe" space to sleep in.

It’s less common but not strange I’d say. I had to share with my sis and while it wasn’t bad, it’s not something I want to replicate if I was able to avoid it. We got our own rooms when older brother moved away and it was so nice having own space to study etc. I’d probably move if I was able to accommodate it. Its less common in places like the states though. My friend there said her parents moved because to bigger place as her and her sister would fight sharing a bathroom between them. So they had to get their own one each 😂 When I pointed out how ridiculous this was, and almost unheard of here, she stated sharing wasn’t the done thing in the states and considered a sign of poverty 🤷‍♀️ I lived there 7 years and most children didn’t share rooms in my experience. But houses are huge compared to ours. Even normal ones.

They don't need them but I think it's unfair to never have your own space as you get older, if you can at all make that work. Id personally rather not have as many kids.

At worst it's an open invitation for abuse

Come on 🙄
Surely having kids in separate rooms is also "invitation for abuse" from an abusive parent who wouldn't do anything if there was another child there to witness.

My twins are nearly six and they have always shared a room. Their little sister has her own room. Sometimes they say they would like their own room, but then they say that they would miss each other. I anticipate that they’ll want their own space as they get older, though. I think that we’ll always make sure we live in a house where it is possible for them to have their own space, particularly as they get older, as much for family harmony as anything else.

Mine shared a room until they married and moved out with no problems, there was a six year age gap between them.
I wasn't prepared to mess about buying a bigger house just so they could have their own bedrooms.
Most people I know have kids who share bedrooms until they move out.

I wouldn't have more kids than I had bedrooms. I think that's fair to the children and I wouldn't want my kids to share

At my primary school the only children who didn't share bedrooms were only children. It definitely seems to have changed.

It does rather depend on how big a house you live in. We live in a modern house and the bedrooms are tiny. DD's room basically fits a bed, a chest of drawers and a clothes rail. I really wouldn't want to squeeze another person in there.

My sil was horrified when I was expecting our third DC that we weren’t moving to a four bed. She even said that social services wouldn’t allow it!! I had a boy and girl so whatever the baby ended up being it would share with the same sex sibling. We live in a lovely area and don’t have a large mortgage and we didn’t want to get a larger mortgage to afford a 4 bed or move area.