Is it unusual to expect kids to share bedrooms these days?

[Helloise]

Just read another thread where the poster said she needed a bedroom for each of her 4 children- which is fine if you can afford a house that big but I was a little surprised by the word "need" instead of "want".

My kids are grown up now but my girls shared a bedroom their whole lives- even though we could have technically afforded a bigger house, we wanted to live in a vibrant, active city so we lived in an apartment where they had to share (they had the big room, their older brother had the tiny room) rather than moving to a bigger place in the suburbs. Talking to my friends now who still have kids at home it just seems expected that every child will have a bedroom, even if that means two glorified box rooms instead of one regular double bedroom. One of my colleagues is pregnant again and is selling her fully-restored three-bedroom 1930's semi to move into a four-bed new build (with all the problems inherent in some new build estates including tiny rooms , no trees, and no decent public transport) She's not delighted about it but thinks she has no choice because she can't make her two boys (ages 9 and 11) share!

I shared with my sister growing up as well, not because our house wasn't big enough but because my mother had a sewing room and a perfectly pristine "guest room" and that's just the way things were.

Yes, I know that many people share because they can't afford not to (my partner grew up as a first-gen immigrant in NYC and shared a one-bedroom apartment with her parents and three sisters until she was a teenager and they are all happy, healthy, and successful)- that's not what I am talking about here. I just feel like those who can afford or those who can afford it at a stretch it will prioritise a bedroom for every child over other things- like room size and location -more than they would have in the past, and am wondering if other people have noticed the same thing?

My girl dc share and love it. Tbh I think it makes them nicer people! Less precious about their stuff and more tolerant. They chat late into the night and are v close. They could have their own room but don’t want one! I prioritised a playroom, space away from parents and plenty of room for toys etc

@Eightandahalfyears

I think this generation is the first where most kids expect their own room. When I grew up I shared as did everyone I knew until someone moved out.

Must be a regional thing then because I only remember 3 kids I knew who shared rooms in a year group of 80 and that was early 90s

What surprises me more is why so many people don't think about how many bedrooms they have before they have more children and then come on here to ask how they are going to manage logistically!

If you don't want your children sharing and can't afford a bigger house then don't have more children!

I shared with with brother when we were younger, despite having my own room as we preferred it but then we had our own rooms when we got a bit older. I'd have been quite unhappy without my own little sanctuary when I was a teenager.

I shared with my sister who is 2 years younger until I was 15 and my older sister moved out. It was normal in our big Irish family but most of my English friends had their own rooms.

Very different time and location but DH shared with his DB until he was 14 and the latter left for the army. I grew up an only child in a 5 bed house and had my own bedroom and study. We’re now in a 2.5 bed flat with three kids (in my defence, I planned two kids and then the inevitable happened) and I’m wondering if we can make it work to stay.

I think this corresponds with another thing that seems to be assumed as a 'need' rather than a 'want'; that of a double bed for children, usually from 10ish upwards.

I had a single bed until I left home at 18, as did all my friends and cousins that I can recall. I often see threads on here where thought of a 13 year old having to sleep in a single is met with horror.

7 kids here, they have always shared a room/rooms in different combos and still do.
DS1 & DS2 had own bedrooms since we moved back 4 years ago after house extension.

before lockdown (March '20)
DS3 shared with DS4
DS5 by himself (smaller room)
DD & DS6 shared

from lockdown:
DS3 + DS5
DS4 + DD + DS6
DH using 1 bedroom as office

since summer:
DH back in office more, works from home in my craftroom
DS3 on his own (he's 16 now so waited far too long!!)
DS4 on his own
youngest 3 sharing

DD is 9 so in the next few years we'll have to come up with a solution so she can have a bedroom by herself, DS5 & DS6 likely will have to share for a while longer.

I know families of all sizes, one with 6 have a room for each (mainly teens and boy/girl sharing issues) , most with 2 or 3 have them share for as long as possible.

for about 6.5 years our oldest 4 shared a room in our old house - a big bedroom first, then the even bigger loft conversion later.

gosh, I'm just running through all the combinations we had since DS1 was born 20 years ago.🤣
at some point some of the kids shared a bed and there was a period where every night was like musical beds, almost nobody woke up where they went to bed.

And when they were ill....I was pg with DS4, DS3 in cot, DS2 at the foot of our bed and DS1 on a mattress. 🤣🤣🤣 aw, we had some fun times!!!!

Personally I wouldn't expect ny children to share a room. As it happened I had a boy and a girl so I wouldn't have found it appropriate in the long term anyway.

If the kids are happy with it I don't see it as being a huge deal if they do share though.

I think it's wrong to make children share a room.

Some families are completely overcrowded so the children don't have a choice but to share with other siblings and sometimes even an adult.

In regards to those who have more money and space I still know plenty where the children share until they are around 16, if they are the same sex, and they are in all income brackets.

With brothers and sisters they tend to stop sharing around 7/8 - plenty of children won't sleep alone until then so even if you put them in separate rooms one will go and sleep in the others room and even share their bed.

The reason lots of children don't share is because as a PP pointed out there are lots of smaller families.

My older 2 shared by choice until a couple of years ago. Then my eldest really wanted her own space, so we separated them. Luckily we had the room to do so.
I would always prioritise my children having their own room if I was in the position to do so. I would have hated sharing my room as a child.

@Fluffymule I was just scrolling down to post the same! Loads of children seem to have a double now, it was unheard of when I was that age. I had my first double at uni, it's just what was in the room I drew in our shared house. Would have been 19!

My DSs share and at the moment they enjoy it. When they're older we may move to give them a room each or use the extra money instead to help them out with cars/house deposit/uni if they don't mind continuing to share. Check out DIY on a budget on facebook, people sometimes have 4 or 5 DCs sharing a room and do some pretty good things with the space.

My 6 and 9 year old grandsons share and love it even though there is a spare room one could move into.

Mine shared when they were younger but got their own rooms at ages 10 and 8. Yes sure we could make them share and no one would die but the amount of arguements and falling out would be endless. I wouldnt ever have planned my family on the basis of two or more teenagers sharing a room.

We only have a 3 bed and 3 children. Youngest child wasn't planned at all but even before he was born my teenage daughters still shared a room.
They have the largest bedroom, we are in the middle sized room and baby is in the small room but that might change as he gets older.
Tbh most families I know with 3 or more children do have children sharing. I shared with my sister for years.
Very unusual for children to need their own room, even children with SEN can share a room because my daughter does.
I think a lot of people confuse want with need.

I shared growing up. If I had had two children, there would be no choice but for them to share.

In some countries multiple generations live in the same room. It's very "privileged Westerner" to think your own room is a basic need, IMO.

We all needed our own bedrooms because we would have killed each other otherwise. We were a fucked up family, though.

I don’t think my children having their own room is a ‘need’. It’s a preference. And I’m in a position to accommodate that preference, so I will. If I wasn’t, then we’d all be fine I’m sure.

Only on MN is having your kids share a room akin to child abuse! Absolute tosh! I grew up sharing a room with,at one point,my mum sister and uncle! I only had one friend who had their own room and her family were quite well off.
I live in a two bedroom house with three kids. They all shared a room up until dd was 11 and then I gave her my room. I now sleep on a sofa bed. My kids are certainly not deprived due to sharing rooms. It's the norm in the vast majority of the world!

Depends on the age of the children. My sister and I shared voluntarily for a year after we moved into a house that had a bedroom for each of us. When she was 11, she wanted her own room so we stopped sharing. I was very glad of separate rooms as teenagers but actively liked it when we were primary school age.

Most of my friends' kids are still in primary, but houses in my area are TINY, so everyone shares. We have our attic converted, so we've just upgraded our two to separate rooms this year (10/13). I know lots of (same sex) siblings who are sharing in early teens, but don't know any older children to compare.

For me mine have their own rooms for my sanity otherwise they argue constantly.

I had a double from about 14 at home but the deal was I move elsewhere if we had guests. I then had a single through uni, which I shared with my bf most nights!

My kids have singles at home as their rooms aren't big enough for doubles and all their stuff. It won't kill them, they have a lovely home and their own rooms.

Unless there are locks on the doors, having your own room doesn't mean your abusive sibling or parent won't burst in without permission if they're looking to make you their punchbag.

I agree with you OP. DH however is adamant that kids should not share even of same sex and tbh it may be a reason not to have more children as we don’t want to move to a bigger place.