Is it unusual to expect kids to share bedrooms these days?

[Helloise]

Just read another thread where the poster said she needed a bedroom for each of her 4 children- which is fine if you can afford a house that big but I was a little surprised by the word "need" instead of "want".

My kids are grown up now but my girls shared a bedroom their whole lives- even though we could have technically afforded a bigger house, we wanted to live in a vibrant, active city so we lived in an apartment where they had to share (they had the big room, their older brother had the tiny room) rather than moving to a bigger place in the suburbs. Talking to my friends now who still have kids at home it just seems expected that every child will have a bedroom, even if that means two glorified box rooms instead of one regular double bedroom. One of my colleagues is pregnant again and is selling her fully-restored three-bedroom 1930's semi to move into a four-bed new build (with all the problems inherent in some new build estates including tiny rooms , no trees, and no decent public transport) She's not delighted about it but thinks she has no choice because she can't make her two boys (ages 9 and 11) share!

I shared with my sister growing up as well, not because our house wasn't big enough but because my mother had a sewing room and a perfectly pristine "guest room" and that's just the way things were.

Yes, I know that many people share because they can't afford not to (my partner grew up as a first-gen immigrant in NYC and shared a one-bedroom apartment with her parents and three sisters until she was a teenager and they are all happy, healthy, and successful)- that's not what I am talking about here. I just feel like those who can afford or those who can afford it at a stretch it will prioritise a bedroom for every child over other things- like room size and location -more than they would have in the past, and am wondering if other people have noticed the same thing?

I do think it has become less common for children to share. We have 4DC and they do have their own rooms, though this is a relatively recent development. DD (youngest) is 7 and my middle boys shared until she was 3 when we moved to a bigger house. Having said that, I will live in a cardboard box before going back to any of my DC sharing again. I have a unique mix of additional needs, varied ages and differing sexes which would make sharing a particular challenge, though obviously not impossible, and I would probably just move out rather than try and live with the inevitable fights and arguments.

We do pay a lot of money to facilitate this, and as such make sacrifices elsewhere to do so. No regrets I'm looking forward to one or two of them moving out though so we can downsize and pay less!

Oh, watch tv and movies on your tv, too. Imagine squabbling with your sibling over watch you watch, playing music loud, etc. No thanks, shudder.

@butteriesplease yes I'm not surprised you're upset by some of the comments on this thread! Take it with a pinch of salt. There are millions and millions of 2 and 3 bed flats and houses in this country, and very few 5 beds so it's still common for children in bigger families to share. I can't imagine many children would swap one of their siblings for a private room.

I don't know if it's overall more common or not. I grew up in the late 80s/early 90s and I don't remember any of my friends sharing a room then.

Mine don't share. The only people that share in our house is DH and I, what's that all about?. (4 bed, 4 people, 1 spare room). I don't like the idea of my children not having their own space away from the world that is just theirs. Plus they are little (5 and 3) I'd have ructions getting them both to sleep if they were sharing!

We would manage I know if they had to share, but I wouldn't choose it for them. It's a priority for me when buying a house, to be honest unless we couldn't afford it I wouldn't consider buying a house where they had to share even if it mean a different area etc.

Whenever people say that every child MUST have their own room, I wonder what they think of the rest of the world, Japanese families sleeping together on Mats- wrong!, Philippines families in multi generation crowded homes- wrong! Families in tribes sleeping outside in deserts - wrong! It just makes no sense, the view that only the richest 1% of the world population are bringing up their children properly.

Loads of people share. It just depends on preference. My kids did not want their own room even though they had the option, until my eldest turned 10 and then she was ready to move into her own room. So now everyone has their own. But before that we would share rooms. At one point four of us in one room in a 5 bedroom house! 😀

@TheGirlCat I have that daily discussion with my DH over what to watch on netflix. We only have a basic plan on Netflix. Its quite a miserable life if you have your way all the time. If you plan to live with anyone, you have to compromise. And most of us will end up living with other people.

If as a parent you can't provide their own room for them, them you've failed imo and you make sure you don't have more than you can.

I think you should start a fundraiser. MNers will help ya

Also, yes some people have no choice but to share. But I know loads who choose to put their kids together. I knew a family who put 4 boys in one room!!

Whenever people say that every child MUST have their own room...

They aren't talking about children in other cultures.

@Rosebel

We only have a 3 bed and 3 children. Youngest child wasn't planned at all but even before he was born my teenage daughters still shared a room. They have the largest bedroom, we are in the middle sized room and baby is in the small room but that might change as he gets older. Tbh most families I know with 3 or more children do have children sharing. I shared with my sister for years. Very unusual for children to need their own room, even children with SEN can share a room because my daughter does. I think a lot of people confuse want with need.

"even SOME children with SEN can share a room because my daughter does".

Fixed that for you. Just because your child with SEN is able to share doesn't mean they all are!

if as a parent you can't provide their own room for them then you've failed

ZingKids, that's enough, get off MN and do your homework!!!

@AryaStarkWolf

I think it's odd how this has become a thing in recent years.

I seems to have some along with the inordinate sense of entitlement that's common in the same way that it used to be the norm that a couple setting up home would 'inherit' pieces of furniture from family who could then justify something newer! These don't look good on social media so the young people get into all kinds of debt to have the 'right' stuff.

Sharing rooms is more uncommon if you own your home. Council/ housing association rules mean siblings must share up even up to 18 in some cases.

Horses for courses, innit?

The idea that one way is always better for everyone in every cricumstance is madness. Some people will love sharing a room with a sibling, some will hate it.

I think it's true that it probably happens less in the UK than it used to - my Mum's generation all seemed to share rooms. But then today's kids don't generally appear to be any happier for it, so maybe it ultimately is not such a broad influence on wellbeing either way...?

@TheGirlCat

I'm an only child and the thought of having to share a room, my sensitive, shy, introverted self would have filled me with dread, terror and distress. I always say it is selfish to have 3+ children if they don't have their own rooms, even as a kid. Only have as many children as you have bedrooms for. I do think it's selfish and wrong to expect child to share, imo it is VITAL every child has their own personal safe space, just for them. Which is why I only had 2 children. I just think it's wrong and unfair of the parents and I would never ever inflict that on a child. If as a parent you can't provide their own room for them, them you've failed imo and you make sure you don't have more than you can. Quite simple.

Oh please, @TheGirlCat, that's OTT. My DH was raised in a middle-class household, very happy childhood in a nice area. Both his parents are from fairly large families so I don't think they thought sharing a bedroom was a big deal. They were very successful parents, IMO.

I'm an only who had their own bedroom, but my childhood was less stable than his, it's not all about money.

We spent most of my Dcs life in a council maisonette and my two had no option but to share as they were the same sex . It really didn't do either of them any harm at all . I consider it a real first world problem to Insist on DCs having their own rooms . It's not a necessity it's a luxury not afforded to all.

Most people I know have three kids in a 3 bedroom so the majority have two sharing. Our two eldest will always have to share as I can’t magic up an extra bedroom.

The award for the most pretentious and judgemental comment goes to @TheGirlCat

every child MUST have their own room

isn't that the NSPCC tagline??
no, UNICEF.
or maybe it was the Dalai Lama or Mother Theresa....no wait... MLK?
yes, every child MUST have their own room, it is their birth right and the most important human right ever.

🙄

It definitely seems less usual for children to share these days than it did when I was younger. I definitely feel a certain pressure to make sure my children have a room each even though it’s probably not actually necessary.

I have to say I do find people with 5/6 children in a 3 bedroom house a little bit … irresponsible.

@TheGirlCat your "sensitive, shy, introverted self" might have been quite different had you had siblings, too...

Nothing like a brother trying to nick your pudding for helping you find your voice.

I wouldn't mind sharing a bedroom with Charlie Weber....

I would agree with you in theory OP, unfortunately I have boy/girl twins with the added challenge of one being an early riser and the other one a night owl 🤷🏼‍♀️
If I had two of the same sex with similar sleeping habits I would make them share and use the other bedroom as a playroom / study.

I do some online transcribing of old ParishRegisters for a genealogy site and I'm often astounded at how many people used to live in tiny, 2-up, 2-down houses! 8+ children wasn't unusual, thank goodness we've moved on from thar for many reasons. Apparently beds used to be shared, one sibling worked a particular shift, another would get up to go to their work and the first one would take over the warm bed!