Is it unusual to expect kids to share bedrooms these days?

[Helloise]

Just read another thread where the poster said she needed a bedroom for each of her 4 children- which is fine if you can afford a house that big but I was a little surprised by the word "need" instead of "want".

My kids are grown up now but my girls shared a bedroom their whole lives- even though we could have technically afforded a bigger house, we wanted to live in a vibrant, active city so we lived in an apartment where they had to share (they had the big room, their older brother had the tiny room) rather than moving to a bigger place in the suburbs. Talking to my friends now who still have kids at home it just seems expected that every child will have a bedroom, even if that means two glorified box rooms instead of one regular double bedroom. One of my colleagues is pregnant again and is selling her fully-restored three-bedroom 1930's semi to move into a four-bed new build (with all the problems inherent in some new build estates including tiny rooms , no trees, and no decent public transport) She's not delighted about it but thinks she has no choice because she can't make her two boys (ages 9 and 11) share!

I shared with my sister growing up as well, not because our house wasn't big enough but because my mother had a sewing room and a perfectly pristine "guest room" and that's just the way things were.

Yes, I know that many people share because they can't afford not to (my partner grew up as a first-gen immigrant in NYC and shared a one-bedroom apartment with her parents and three sisters until she was a teenager and they are all happy, healthy, and successful)- that's not what I am talking about here. I just feel like those who can afford or those who can afford it at a stretch it will prioritise a bedroom for every child over other things- like room size and location -more than they would have in the past, and am wondering if other people have noticed the same thing?

If the children are happy then I don't suppose there is anything wrong with sharing.

However, the if they are happy bit is key for me.

At first, there was only me and my older brother so we had a room each. Then our sister came along but my parents couldn't afford a 4 bedroomed house so I had to share with my sister. I hated it to be honest.

As the elder of the two, it was always me who had to tidy up, always me who was blamed for any mess. My sister was constantly nasty to me, took my things and I hated not having my own space.

I only have one child so this will never be an issue for us, however, if we had had more, I would only have had as many children as there are bedrooms available in the house. I wouldn't expect or force them to share.

@Bunnycat101

To be honest I’d always prioritise a room each for my children. There is still a lot of night waking for my 2 year old when she’s got a cold and I can’t imagine how it would have worked if my two were in together. My eldest is an owl and likes playing for longer at night. My youngest needs to be asleep by 7 ish. The two of them together would be a pain. It was hideous the last time they were in a hotel room together (one wanted it dark, the other light).

These things settle down though. I can well imagine one night would be hideous as it's completely different to the norm for them. Mine quickly learned to sleep through familiar noise, just like people who live by railways learn to tune out trains, and we'd wake up to them chatting and giggling together rather than crying for attention. I think they loved having each other for company in the mornings when they were little. The desire for privacy kicks in later.

TheGirlCat
@EnidFrighten they only sleep in there FFS!

Seriously??? Your room is your main part of living. You sleep, study, play, rest, have dreams, grow up in, have friends over, talk about crushes, hopes for the future, have sleepovers, etc. It is is so much more than where you sleep. It is actually where you grow up. Your bedroom is such a massive part of your life where you conduct most of it (when not at school). It's really your living quarters, not merely a bed.

I'm beginning to wonder if people on here are reacting to me out of a sense of guilt. Regardless I hold firm, I always felt so so very sorry for my friends that had to share a room with a sibling. Probably why most preferred to spend more time at my house in my room with me.

Actually, my children prefer to spend time downstairs as a family, watching movies, playing games, crafting.

Just because you had a miserable lonely childhood and spent most of your time holed up in your bedroom
Don't project on the rest of us.”

Same!! I’d be really a bit upset if my children regarded their rooms as their “living quarters”. It would be like being at boarding school or in halls of residence!! This is their home! They can rest, play, talk about their future and whatever else they want to do anywhere they like in our house! They spend most of their time in the sitting room or kitchen talking at me and mucking about with their siblings..they don’t tend to go to their room until
their actual bedtime

My 3 sons share 1 room, not cause they have to, we have spare rooms but because they choose too.
They r 19, 17 and 13, they r very close, the best of friends.

I expected the oldest to want to move into his own space but he's happy

@thefamous5
can't quote your post but very much agree with you.

In fact my sister and I never had a better relationship than when we shared a room.
we got our own rooms when I was 13 (her 11) and it all went to hell after that. I guess she realised she didn't have to be nice, reasonable, sociable anymore because she could just hide in her room so she became a selfish bitch.
I don't even talk to her anymore since she did the last awful thing last year.

on the other hand a friend of mine shared with her older sister until she got married at 22! they are the very best of friends.

Not that these are hard proof of anything. But there's a lot to be said for being in solitary "confinement", no matter how voluntary.

My DD's shared by choice til they were ten. After that we moved and they got their own rooms but I thjnk they would have been fine until they were 13 or so...after that it would have been carnage!