Is it unusual to expect kids to share bedrooms these days?

[Helloise]

Just read another thread where the poster said she needed a bedroom for each of her 4 children- which is fine if you can afford a house that big but I was a little surprised by the word "need" instead of "want".

My kids are grown up now but my girls shared a bedroom their whole lives- even though we could have technically afforded a bigger house, we wanted to live in a vibrant, active city so we lived in an apartment where they had to share (they had the big room, their older brother had the tiny room) rather than moving to a bigger place in the suburbs. Talking to my friends now who still have kids at home it just seems expected that every child will have a bedroom, even if that means two glorified box rooms instead of one regular double bedroom. One of my colleagues is pregnant again and is selling her fully-restored three-bedroom 1930's semi to move into a four-bed new build (with all the problems inherent in some new build estates including tiny rooms , no trees, and no decent public transport) She's not delighted about it but thinks she has no choice because she can't make her two boys (ages 9 and 11) share!

I shared with my sister growing up as well, not because our house wasn't big enough but because my mother had a sewing room and a perfectly pristine "guest room" and that's just the way things were.

Yes, I know that many people share because they can't afford not to (my partner grew up as a first-gen immigrant in NYC and shared a one-bedroom apartment with her parents and three sisters until she was a teenager and they are all happy, healthy, and successful)- that's not what I am talking about here. I just feel like those who can afford or those who can afford it at a stretch it will prioritise a bedroom for every child over other things- like room size and location -more than they would have in the past, and am wondering if other people have noticed the same thing?

I shared a room with my sister growing up and absolutely hated it when I got older. Not having any privacy or somewhere to go for peace and quiet was hard. It also made studying really difficult as she would always want the light off when I wanted to study etc.

We have a room at home which is utilised as an office, but also a games room too. The older DC will use this to get away from each other during different parts of the day.

14yo and 11yo DSs share a room. 6yo and 4yo DSs share a room.

They have each other for company.

I grew up with a younger brother and by the time he was 4yo we moved from a 2 to a 3 bed. Mixed sex siblings must make this more of an issue.

I have found having same sex siblings a blessing from this point of view.

Sorry, same sex offspring 🤦🏻

@BigHuff

I am pro room sharing - it teaches compromise and patience and avoids teaching entitlement. I shared a room in a small inner-city council flat with my sisters until adulthood. We didn't have a tv, games console or phones, but we did have a tape player and would make our own 'radio' shows. Sharing wasn't (isn't!) a hardship.

However you grew up will feel normal to you. I don't see much good in the idea of children having their own rooms and (to me) excessive material possessions. The most important thing is that kids are safe, well cared for, and raised to be kind and considerate human beings.

I agree with this! My kids all share. When we put DD in her own room (as she approached puberty) she thought we were punishing her.

Of course, space is tight but we have a great big garden and they all get along really well, so I have no plans to move. But I do get a lot of comments telling me that we need to move

I know a few people that insist the need more bedrooms than they have children because they need more space 🙄. I actually know someone who lives in a 4 bed (could actually be a 5 bed) and only one child yet they just font know of they could have another child because they don't know if they have enough space . I currently live in a 2 bedroom house with 3 kids. Not ideal, and we will move eventually, but people are just ridiculous with the size of houses they claim the need now.

Also, adults in a partnership are expected to share a room, but people are outraged when children have to share a room. So weird!

It depends on the DC.

Nearly every family I know has two DC so DC have their own room.

Growing up it wasn't unusual for DC to share. For most it was fine, they just dealt with it.

However one of my friends absolutely hated her sister and vice versa. Physical fights, hair pulling etc. It never improved. In the end her parents put a stud wall in and made two very tiny rooms so that they could shut the door on eachother. (They are NC as adults).

It also depends on the set up in the rest of the house. My DC have their own rooms but they also have their desks in there so that they can work with music or in silence, whatever they prefer.

To be honest I’d always prioritise a room each for my children. There is still a lot of night waking for my 2 year old when she’s got a cold and I can’t imagine how it would have worked if my two were in together. My eldest is an owl and likes playing for longer at night. My youngest needs to be asleep by 7 ish. The two of them together would be a pain. It was hideous the last time they were in a hotel room together (one wanted it dark, the other light).

@Thatsplentyjack

Also, adults in a partnership are expected to share a room, but people are outraged when children have to share a room. So weird!

I’m not anti sharing if necessary, but this is a weird comparison. Adults choose to form that partnership. Siblings don’t.

Plus those adults could choose not to share a room, but siblings who have been assigned those rooms generally can’t.

Eldest DS has his own desk in the office opposite DH's desk. Ideal for doing his homework away from the rest of the family. Keeps his sleeping area separate from his work area. There are reception rooms where they can get peace on their own too. It's not all bad.

If people are moving home to give their kids their own bedroom...l can see why so many young people have a excessive sense of entitlement.

We have 4 and they all have own room. The plan was for tounger 2 to share but one has sleep difficulties and it just wasnt working so youngest was in with us till 3 when we converted a room into a bedroom.

We plan for ours to share long term. I grew up in a busy household with extended relatives staying over frequently. I think it helps build skills of compromise and living with other people. The kids that share currently get along.

My DDs share a room,they are 17 and nearly 16. It's quite a decent sized room. I know they would love their own rooms but we compromised on space to love in a fab area. Actually, we couldn't have afforded a 3 bed anywhere in this town

We have two kids and they both have their own bedrooms though they shared through choice for quite a lot of years when they were little. We live on an estate of 3 bedroomed houses and there are a lot of kids on here stuffed into little houses. There are a family of five kids sling the street. I really don't know how they cope.

I definitely think the option of having a bedroom each is preferable, but it's hardly akin to child abuse to have 2 dc sharing. What I do think is unreasonable is families wanting to have very big families, when they cannot afford to adequately house them. On another thread one poster was saying that in a particular London community it is normal to have 7 dc in a small 2 bed flat. I think that is far too overcrowded and must be very stressful for everyone.

I also think it depends on the DC. Some children are happy to share and enjoy that but for others, particularly into secondary school and beyond, really crave and need their own space. So I don’t think there is a hard and fast rule that can be better.

It is tough to have to share a room with a sibling if you don’t get along. And if it is a larger family it’s hard because the house will be busier so a greater need for space for some kids - but that makes it very expensive.

@Thatsplentyjack

Also, adults in a partnership are expected to share a room, but people are outraged when children have to share a room. So weird!

What's weird is not seeing why that's a bad comparison.

I shared with at least one of my sisters until I was about 12 or 13. Then I got my own room when the eldest moved out.

Even though we own a 3 bed house my 2 girls (4&7) share and we use the 3rd bedroom (which happens to be the largest) as a playroom/guest/tumble dryer/craft/music/second living room and their bedroom is then only used for sleeping.

I've got four children in a three bed house. The three boys share a bedroom and the girl has her own.

No other option. It will have to be like that until we win the lottery or one of them moves out.

My brothers had to share a room until they were 21 and 18 and I moved out.

I would find it very odd indeed if anyone really thought that having your own room and being raised without a massive sense of entitlement really weren’t entirely compatible. There’s something very very wrong with your parenting if that’s so.

I appreciated a quiet, private space for study, reading and time alone as a child/teenager and prefer to offer my child the same. If it’s not possible it’s not a big deal, it’s just my preference and something that we do prioritise in considering our living arrangements.

I’m finding the ‘arguments’ along the lines of ‘no wonder kids are entitled’ rather stupid. Fortunately we manage to parent well even with separate bedrooms.

@MrsMonkeyBear

That's similar to the set up where I grew up. Our house had a very weird layout as the family before had converted it into essentially two homes. My parents basically gave 2 of the downstairs rooms to us kids to do what we wanted in. Bed rooms were sleeping and keeping clothes in.

I am still the same now. My bedroom is basically a junk room with a bed in it. All I do I there is sleep. I couldn't imagine lying on the bed reading or watching telly or whatever people do with those beds that are all fancy with throw cushions and stuff.

[quote TheGirlCat]**@EnidFrighten* they only sleep in there FFS!*

Seriously??? Your room is your main part of living. You sleep, study, play, rest, have dreams, grow up in, have friends over, talk about crushes, hopes for the future, have sleepovers, etc. It is is so much more than where you sleep. It is actually where you grow up. Your bedroom is such a massive part of your life where you conduct most of it (when not at school). It's really your living quarters, not merely a bed.

I'm beginning to wonder if people on here are reacting to me out of a sense of guilt. Regardless I hold firm, I always felt so so very sorry for my friends that had to share a room with a sibling. Probably why most preferred to spend more time at my house in my room with me.[/quote]
Actually, my children prefer to spend time downstairs as a family, watching movies, playing games, crafting.

Just because you had a miserable lonely childhood and spent most of your time holed up in your bedroom
Don't project on the rest of us.

I think it's important for them to have a room of their own. Everyone needs their own space away from the rest of the family, and if there are any SEN then this becomes even more of a requirement.