Partner doesn’t contribute

[CaramelPops]

I would just like some quick replies to set my head straight: am I in the wrong?

My partner of 3 years earns about £400,- more than me. He has a room at his parents’ home but lives at mine 18 out of 30 days.

He pays £600 for his ex and child.

I have 2 kids who live with me. I’m a single mum and on minimum wage. I work 46 hours a week.

After much wrangling he wants to contribute £200 per month. My outgoings are £1200.

He uses my Wifi, heating, shower, I cook and shop for 90% of the meals, I do our laundry, I pay for most days out. He drives 40 minutes to stay at mine so I take the fuel expenditure into consideration.

Am I wrong to be disappointed? Set me straight please. I asked for £400,-. The £200,- difference matters to me. I feel used and taken advantage of. He says he wants to keep money back to treat me and his kids but that never materialises. I’m not a person who eats out and between work and the kids we don’t get much time to ourselves. He is tight with money but now I feel he is taking my money because he doesn’t contribute and I can’t treat my own kids because I pay his share for all he uses. AIBU?

Yuck. Get rid!

Wanna be cocklodger get rid

He makes excuses like he drives to be with me. So he uses more fuel. He pays nothing at his parents and is hardly there.

I work a full day more than him just to end up with less net pay than him. £400 on a good month, I am on zero hours so sometimes the difference is £800 in our incomes.

He’s taking advantage of you, time for him to stay with mummy permanently

He is using your electric and gas, eating your food and he doesn't want to give you any money. He needs to get back to his Mum and Dad's and stay there.

So his entire necessary outgoings are £800 a month, and £200 of that is an unofficial contribution for living with you more than half the time? And you had to "wrangle" for that?

How much is he paying his parents? Does he have debt?

If he only earns about £400 more than you a month but he pays his ex £600?

You need to protect your own situation.
He will be draining you of your own resources, especially to subsidise his other expenses.

You don't need this.

I would move on. He's taking the piss. Sorry

@CaramelPops

He makes excuses like he drives to be with me. So he uses more fuel. He pays nothing at his parents and is hardly there.

I work a full day more than him just to end up with less net pay than him. £400 on a good month, I am on zero hours so sometimes the difference is £800 in our incomes.

He drives to be with you, but if he's only leeching off you once he's there, what's in it for you?

He just wired £200 over and I was upset tonight. My eldest has been sick and she had to stay in hospital before so I couldn’t work and earned less. He said he drove my other child to school and does work around the house (ironing, vacc’ing) so that’s why he doesn’t pay more because he pays fuel and devotes his time.

No debt and pays nothing at his parents.

It's not difficult really, is it?

You tell him - "If you want to stay here 18 days a month, and eat then you contribute £400 per month via direct debit. Otherwise, you can go home to your Mum every night. Your choice".

Don't ask. Tell. It's your house and he doesn't get to decide what his contribution is. And I'll be honest - the £400 you are asking is far too little anyway. He's living with you more than 50% of the time.

I was wondering if I was asking for an unreasonable contribution..

Your responses are much appreciated because I feel I am not being greedy.

Let them go. If they wanted to help thry would do it without you asking

Why are you with him? Give us a list.

Better still dump him.

He can go and live at his Mum and Dad’s.
If you really must continue to see him tell him he is pays for himself from now on.

Debbrianna - I would never go and date a single parent and watch them run themselves into the ground while I moan they haven’t got sky sports - that’s why he’s just gone out.

Cough up or get rid

No, he’s not being reasonable

He says he wants to keep money back to treat me and his kids but that never materialises

^^
This is a red flag that I’ve seen time and time again in here. He wants to spend all your money on the boring stuff and then Lord it over you and the kids while he so graciously treats you. It’s a control thing - means he can decide what treats happen and what doesn’t.

He has a room at his parents’ home but lives at mine 18 out of 30 days.

Urgh.

Total user.

Get rid.

He is kind with my kids and good with his own. He is a good ex partner with his ex wife and I like that because it shows he is mature.

He will babysit if I have staff training or an early or evening shift.

@CaramelPops

Debbrianna - I would never go and date a single parent and watch them run themselves into the ground while I moan they haven’t got sky sports - that’s why he’s just gone out.

End it.

£400 is absolutely reasonable, he's taking advantage. His tightness would be a deal breaker for me, I'm sorry OP, I would seriously consider ending the relationship.

@GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing I think this 🎯 is it.

There is an element of control. I feel drained and I brought it up repeatedly but no change. I want to cry I can’t cope.