Partner doesn’t contribute

[CaramelPops]

I would just like some quick replies to set my head straight: am I in the wrong?

My partner of 3 years earns about £400,- more than me. He has a room at his parents’ home but lives at mine 18 out of 30 days.

He pays £600 for his ex and child.

I have 2 kids who live with me. I’m a single mum and on minimum wage. I work 46 hours a week.

After much wrangling he wants to contribute £200 per month. My outgoings are £1200.

He uses my Wifi, heating, shower, I cook and shop for 90% of the meals, I do our laundry, I pay for most days out. He drives 40 minutes to stay at mine so I take the fuel expenditure into consideration.

Am I wrong to be disappointed? Set me straight please. I asked for £400,-. The £200,- difference matters to me. I feel used and taken advantage of. He says he wants to keep money back to treat me and his kids but that never materialises. I’m not a person who eats out and between work and the kids we don’t get much time to ourselves. He is tight with money but now I feel he is taking my money because he doesn’t contribute and I can’t treat my own kids because I pay his share for all he uses. AIBU?

I think considering he doesn’t live there full time and there are three of you, the contribution of £400 is on the high side out of total bills of £1200.

But stop paying for all the days out, stop doing his laundry or at least share chores out and don’t pay for 90% of food if you mean that is over and above the outgoings you have mentioned.

Of course he's kind to your children, he wants to create a good impression!

He's sponging off you. You must see that.

He said he drove my other child to school and does work around the house (ironing, vacc’ing) so that’s why he doesn’t pay more

Ahh, this is good to know! My O2 phone bill is due next week. I might go to their head office and see if I can wash up in the canteen or something instead of paying the bill.

He is mad and you are better off without him OP. Things will only get worse....

Is there a reason that you don’t live together full time?

How do you know he pays £600 to his ex? Are you sure OP?

People pretend well OP. I agree with others get rid!

He has a choice, he either coughs up the money, or he doesn’t come over and stay, he goes home to mummy every night

And the fact that you want to cry about it all tells you that this situation is untenable.
He is working you . He is guilt tripping you.

Please end this... you really don't deserve this, at all.

[quote CaramelPops]@GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing I think this 🎯 is it.

There is an element of control. I feel drained and I brought it up repeatedly but no change. I want to cry I can’t cope.[/quote]

Either he pays more to stay at yours, or he pays nothing and stays with his parents.

But one question, why the hell are you with him?!

Get rid and save yourself the headache. He doesn't sound worth it.

Your poor kids
He’s a leech

If he doesn't want to contribute then he stops having showers and using your hot water, he stops eating at yours, stop doing his laundry (as this is at least as much of a job as the vacuuming and ironing) and change ýour WiFi password! (Because he's behaving like a teenager!) And he can also pay his share of all treats and meals out.

He's not going to change... get rid - you can do better.

Yanbu. But if he is contributing financially won't that affect your benefits? Assuming you claim them.

He will babysit if I have staff training or an early or evening shift

Well fucking hell, he's a GOD!

Seriously, raise your standards.

What does he bring to the relationship? If you’re unhappy before he’s moved in properly, it’ll just get worse. Someone who is tight to someone they are supposed to love, is not a partner worth having.

He is obliged to cover a fair percentage of your outgoings, so just over half of the time at yours plus an allowance for the fact that you are three people, albeit two children, and he is one person. His payments to his ex and his earnings are not relevant.

However, if he loves you and is invested in a future with you and your children, then you would hope that he would want to help you to be comfortable and happy. It doesn't sound like he is.

Maybe he feels that he's been stung by his ex or maybe he's just selfish. Either way, I wouldn't be wasting any more time with him.

@BlusteringBoobies 😂😂😂👍

Just get rid.

C'ya

Tell him to take his measly £200 and crawl back to mummy. He's a user.

YANBU. He's spending the money on fuel to drive over because look what a cushy deal he gets in return! Does he not even offer to cook or do any of the laundry while he's over at yours?

Do you discuss the nights he's coming over or does he just turn up?

He can't even claim it's because he has to pay his parents if he's not doing that. I would say you can't afford to cook for him and do his laundry any longer and 200 doesn't cover that.

Just another to weigh in with the general "he's taking the piss",
Clearly you value some of his other 'contributons' but £400/month is nothing for anyone worthwhile.

As for the sky sports shite, any Muppet bothered about that knows that it's very very easy to get every channel/streaming service out there for less than £60/year if they're that bothered.

What are the actual take home pays? If he's paying £600 for his child, plus £200 at yours, plus fuel, car insurance, car payment (?) etc., I guess it does mount up.

You say he has £400 more than you a month. Is that from pay alone, or does that include child maintenance for your child, child benefit, and other benefits you'll be entitled to on minimum wage? That's not to be goady, I'm just trying to get my head around whether he "thinks" he has less disposable income than you (which I don't think he does).

To expect him to pay a third of bills (£400 of your £1,200) when there's 3 of you and 1 of him, and he's only there half of the month, with him paying for fuel there and back, seems a bit excessive. Maybe £300 is fairer.

Surely you want a man in your life not a cuckoo?

We don’t live together because it would impact his kids’ school run.

He said he pays his ex £600 but no I don’t know for sure.

He's staying at your house 60% of the time
You're buying nearly all the food when he stays with you and you pay all the bills
He pays no rent to his parents

(Where does all his money go?)
Hd promises things but they never arise

You're not his Mum
You have your own DCs to support

He sounds like he's quite happy to mooch off of you and that's a hard attitude to live with. Much easier to find a man who doesn't try to get his feet under the table and have a free ride.

It's all at the expense of your DCs whom you could buy more for / take on nicer holidays, if he wasn't leeching off you

I just do all the big shops like laundry detergent, cleaning products, etc. £200 doesn’t scratch it because I buy 90% of the food too. And he eats way more than me and the kids.