Partner doesn’t contribute

[CaramelPops]

I would just like some quick replies to set my head straight: am I in the wrong?

My partner of 3 years earns about £400,- more than me. He has a room at his parents’ home but lives at mine 18 out of 30 days.

He pays £600 for his ex and child.

I have 2 kids who live with me. I’m a single mum and on minimum wage. I work 46 hours a week.

After much wrangling he wants to contribute £200 per month. My outgoings are £1200.

He uses my Wifi, heating, shower, I cook and shop for 90% of the meals, I do our laundry, I pay for most days out. He drives 40 minutes to stay at mine so I take the fuel expenditure into consideration.

Am I wrong to be disappointed? Set me straight please. I asked for £400,-. The £200,- difference matters to me. I feel used and taken advantage of. He says he wants to keep money back to treat me and his kids but that never materialises. I’m not a person who eats out and between work and the kids we don’t get much time to ourselves. He is tight with money but now I feel he is taking my money because he doesn’t contribute and I can’t treat my own kids because I pay his share for all he uses. AIBU?

It will be interesting for you to see how he reacts when you tell him you want to date and he can go back and live with his mum.

you have been taken for a mug here OP

Do not let this man move in. You will end up losing out on ctc and I very much doubt he'll cover the shortfall.
I don't believe he gives his ex 600 a month.
The reasoning that he has to drive to you, gave DC a lift, runs the hoover about so should pay less is a gigantic red flag merrily waving in the breeze.

Nothing more unattractive than a tight wad!
Shirt answer is bin him he will not change probably get worse with it as he gets older.

He shld be paying half of ur bills for the 18 days he's there. So roughly a quarter, well wee bit more. I bet ur £1200 doesn't include food though and even so £400 was reasonable and for him to offer £200, seriously! Spell it out to him, let him know ur bills etc and how often he stays that what ur asking for is fair.

I think it’s time for him to go. Sounds like he’s overstayed his welcome!

Oh goodness yes he is taking advantage sorry!

He won't want to date. He'll be very offended and tell you how unreasonable you are and what a nice guy he is because he hoovered and took your dc to school a few times and how lucky you are to have him and he will dump you faster than greased lightning. Dump him first.
You'll look back on this time and cringe at how he hoodwinked you. These men are very good at it so don't blame yourself. Dump him now and retain your dignity and control over the situation. Been there

I am not desperate

You must be

@CaramelPops

I read this and it just screamed out at me - that this sounded like my situation.
I was with a "man" who had 2 children with his ex wife - told me he paid her £550 a month maintenance through a private arrangement.

Was living off me; basically being a cocklodger but I was too late to see it; and had got pregnant.

Long story short - I ended it with him - he now is forced to pay CMS for our child who he doesn't see.

Breakdown of his wages;
£531 a week
£33 per week per child ( as there are 3 in total)
Our daughter gets £146 a month from him.

He actually pays his ex £200 for their 2 children - less than he is legally obliged as she hasn't gone to CMS - not the £550 he told me surprise surprise.

Your partner is taking advantage of you and your good nature. The fact he's moaning about giving you money when he's at yours over half the month is alarming - cut out the driving because he would be driving to see you; regardless if he was staying or not.

I'd get rid and find someone who values you

“Never live with a partner who is mean with money” was my late mother’s advice

It’s such an unattractive attitude

He’s such a user

In the bin immediately.
Cocklodger.

He's just completely taking the piss. The 200 quid a month will only just about cover his food.

‘Devotes his time’ to being a fucking parasite, yeah. He’s literally stealing resources from your kids and you allow it just to have a boyfriend? Can you not raise your standards? If you need to, just date the parasite away from your kids and house.

@Domino20

I dont think OP is charging him £22 per visit... she stated he basically lives with her 18 days per month and pays no rent or mortgage to anyone so is living for free.. OP pays rent or a mortgage and he stays there with her but isnt paying any of her rent or mortgage ... op is asking for a contribution to this ALONG WITH a contribution to bills etc which is fair...

He's a user. That's not attractive. You can do better.

His responses will be so predictable. He’ll flounce and drone on about his contribution (A shag.), get angry, then try turning on fake tears when he realises he’ll have to stop draining kids resources. You’re already being taken for an utter mug, don’t fall for it, just dump him and raise your standards.

Take control, end the relationship- he is miserly and mean-spirited and selfish. Never look back at him. You will be much happier.

Every pound he costs you is a pound you don't have for your children.

You need to stop allowing him to take the piss, he has no incentive to change things when it's so easy for him.

And watch your benefits, you're the one who will get into trouble, not him.

@CaramelPops

He is kind with my kids and good with his own. He is a good ex partner with his ex wife and I like that because it shows he is mature.

He will babysit if I have staff training or an early or evening shift.

He's not mature if he lives with parents

He is using you plain and simple ,hes got it really cushty living with you most of the time while having the option to stay at mummys too.Tell him he coughs up or ships out

There are so many of these threads at the moment. This is why I'm single. Don't let this twat take advantage of you. He's a cocklodger. Get rid, you and your kids deserve much better. He's taking the piss.

If he didn’t have you, his life would be hugely poorer…yet you send your kids life would be richer and there’d be more food to eat…..!?
Your relationship has become about you working long hours to sub him!!!

He's not only mean financially but anyone who says 'I picked your child up' in a sort of tit-for-tat would really piss me off.

If you're in a relationship, even if you're not living together properly, you help each other out in many ways and you never speak of it because that's natural give-and-take in a decent relationship.

He must be on a wedge to pay £600 for one child! I get £300 for 3.

@Thehop

His maintainence assessment on 2k a month is about £180 a month for 2 children.

He could have it reduced if he tells them he lives with you and your children.

If he pays his ex £600 and you £200 thy leaves him £1200 a month for his own expenses/treats/savings. He’s building a very rosy future on the back of you and his parents OP.

£180 is incorrect. I get £230 for 1 child and DS dad has a similar wage.

Is that a thing that child maintainance can be reduced as they are OPS kids and not kids Sorry to derail.

Why aren't you claiming child benefit? If you earn less than him and he's only getting £2k~ pcm then you definitely qualify.

I also doubt very much he is paying £600 for his kids on that salary. Nice if he is though.

Ask him which hotels are offering full board and laundry service for £11.11 a day.

Then tell him when he finds one he can check in there, until then you want £400 non negotiable.

He’s taking you for a mug OP.