Partner doesn’t contribute

[CaramelPops]

I would just like some quick replies to set my head straight: am I in the wrong?

My partner of 3 years earns about £400,- more than me. He has a room at his parents’ home but lives at mine 18 out of 30 days.

He pays £600 for his ex and child.

I have 2 kids who live with me. I’m a single mum and on minimum wage. I work 46 hours a week.

After much wrangling he wants to contribute £200 per month. My outgoings are £1200.

He uses my Wifi, heating, shower, I cook and shop for 90% of the meals, I do our laundry, I pay for most days out. He drives 40 minutes to stay at mine so I take the fuel expenditure into consideration.

Am I wrong to be disappointed? Set me straight please. I asked for £400,-. The £200,- difference matters to me. I feel used and taken advantage of. He says he wants to keep money back to treat me and his kids but that never materialises. I’m not a person who eats out and between work and the kids we don’t get much time to ourselves. He is tight with money but now I feel he is taking my money because he doesn’t contribute and I can’t treat my own kids because I pay his share for all he uses. AIBU?

please protect you and the kids cos he wont and life as a single parent is hard enough

think of yourself for once

Break up with him if he won't pay £400

An average sized car (1.6 engine) uses very roughly less than £1 per 6 miles based on today's prices...so how many miles does he drive to yours? 40 minutes is about 10 miles I would say, so that's less than £2. I am really guestimating here, but I think that's a good enough guide for you.

Get some respect and kick this bastard out. He doesn't pay his parents and he wants to give you £200 a month?

Chuck the cock lodger out. You deserve much better.

The 12 days a month he isn't at yours I'm presuming is when he has his DC and they stay at his parents with him.

oh and if you did manage to get 200 out of him (doubt full) he would make sure he got his money's worth and more

@CaramelPops

I think the most worrying thing now is the benefits I hadn’t considered. I think I will have to say either he’s fully in and we are declaring or he’s out.

Please think very carefully before you give him that option.

For two reasons - one (and I'm not suggesting he's abusive, it's just something that does happen so people should be aware of it) telling him about the benefits problem puts you at risk of him being/becoming one of the men who uses benefits as a financial abuse tool. It happens more than people realise and all of the penalty when there is one falls on you.

Two - you will not be able to re-claim child tax credits if you close your claim. If he then got fed up paying more than £200 and went back to his parents then you'd have to claim Universal Credit and some people are considerably worse off.

He's already shown you what he thinks a fair contribution to the current situation is. He's not likely to suddenly become extra generous tomorrow.

@CaramelPops

We don’t live together because it would impact his kids’ school run.

He said he pays his ex £600 but no I don’t know for sure.

How much does he earn OP? This is important so £600 to his ex and say if he was to pay £400 to you. That's £1000 alone

How much does he take home? I doubt he shells out £600 tbh.

To move this man in would not be fair o your kids it would not work. The poster who mentioned you would end up on UC if it all went wrong is right too..

He pays £600 for his ex and child

I’d wager that he’s bullshitting you on this too. If he’s paying £600, it’s for the children. Spousal maintenance is very, very rare and certainly on your boyfriend’s salary nearly unheard of.

simply work out what you would loose in benefits TC/HB etc and would he pay the same as what you would loose and thats before the extra expense of having him there full time

He takes home just under £2000. My pay varies because of the zero hours and I have no ex who will take my kids.

Yes @NoraEphronsNeck that’s it.

Are you that desperate to be in a relationship? He's taking money out of your kids hands. Don't be the person that enables it.

He's a loser and a user. Get rid.

I am also assuming since he stays half the month at least at yours you have also lost your single person council tax discount?

I am not desperate. I just thought maybe I am unreasonable. I have tried to argue my case but he’s not biding so I need to really leave it at dating. The resentment isn’t nice and it takes away from the usual happy person I am.

@VodselForDinner

He pays £600 for his ex and child

I’d wager that he’s bullshitting you on this too. If he’s paying £600, it’s for the children. Spousal maintenance is very, very rare and certainly on your boyfriend’s salary nearly unheard of.

Read that a couple of time ⬆️

Having ready many of the threads on pathetically low CMS in this country, I’m quite sceptical that he has been made to pay £600 a month as a relatively low earner. And even more sceptical if he says he ‘volunteers’ to pay it given his tight nature.

Also agree with @JustLyra - he doesn’t sound at all reliable to lose benefits for.

@Glassofshloer good point. Maybe he reserves his tightness for me because I’m not the mother of his kids? Don’t know.

@billy1966

Oh OP, heartbreaking to ready.

What sort of absolute scum lives off a single mum?

The absolute dregs of society, thats what.

Please realise you are a complete mug and he is using you while he saves his money.

He is taking money from your children.

Please realise this.

Sadly this is so true

Omg run! This guy sounds scarily like my ex. in fact he might be as what you are writing is exactly what he did. Our only difference is I was stupid enough to have a child with him. I'll tell you now once you stop the benefits and go all in together he wont stick around long.

Guys like him mooch from one single mum to the next being just helpful enough that you let them get away with things.

Let me guess he puts the clothes in the wash but doesn't turn it on as "i cant work out your machine" . or when you getting low on cash at the end of the month he'll pay a bill but only a small one.
I can bet my right arm that when you discuss stopping your benefits he'll say that he'll stay at his mums more often.

£600 a month child support is a lot. I'm saying this as I get a lot less than this from my ex whos on a £34000 with no overnights (his choice). Are you sure he's only paying one person?

Leeching scum. I'd get rid.

His maintainence assessment on 2k a month is about £180 a month for 2 children.

He could have it reduced if he tells them he lives with you and your children.

If he pays his ex £600 and you £200 thy leaves him £1200 a month for his own expenses/treats/savings. He’s building a very rosy future on the back of you and his parents OP.

Do you claim any benefits dependant on income @CaramelPops?

It would be worth checking since he is there over half the month and you wouldn't want to have a problem. He should contribute fairly and is using you, seems very tight, free meals, board and sex for £200 a month and he drives to you! Not a catch at all.

He takes home just under £2000. My pay varies because of the zero hours and I have no ex who will take my kids.

GET RID!!!!

He gives his ex £600, is grudging about giving you £200, pays his parents nothing?????? What the fuck does he do with the other £1,200 a month? Spends it all on himself no doubt. While you pay for everything, including you said his family (his kids?)

Get rid of the cocklodging, using and abusing waste of oxygen that he is. You'll have more money when you're not subsidising this bloodsucker.

@CaramelPops
Just seen your update on his take home pay.
To give you a breakdown my ex takes home around 1900. I get 191pm for my child (no over nights). This is through CSA.
He pays his ex wife £200 in a private arrangement.
Unless your DP has agreed to pay extra then i think he's lying about the 600