Partner doesn’t contribute

[CaramelPops]

I would just like some quick replies to set my head straight: am I in the wrong?

My partner of 3 years earns about £400,- more than me. He has a room at his parents’ home but lives at mine 18 out of 30 days.

He pays £600 for his ex and child.

I have 2 kids who live with me. I’m a single mum and on minimum wage. I work 46 hours a week.

After much wrangling he wants to contribute £200 per month. My outgoings are £1200.

He uses my Wifi, heating, shower, I cook and shop for 90% of the meals, I do our laundry, I pay for most days out. He drives 40 minutes to stay at mine so I take the fuel expenditure into consideration.

Am I wrong to be disappointed? Set me straight please. I asked for £400,-. The £200,- difference matters to me. I feel used and taken advantage of. He says he wants to keep money back to treat me and his kids but that never materialises. I’m not a person who eats out and between work and the kids we don’t get much time to ourselves. He is tight with money but now I feel he is taking my money because he doesn’t contribute and I can’t treat my own kids because I pay his share for all he uses. AIBU?

do you claim housing benefit./council tax/perscriptions/dental work etc

you really need to take action

I didn’t know that. I cannot afford to lose child tax credits. I would be better off going it alone or dating. Thank you! I don’t want to make a rod for my own back supporting a man who won’t support me.

The amount he says he pays his ex is a lot more than the CSA would ask him to pay. They would ask him to pay about £350

No none of the above

£200 a month is £11 per night for 18 nights. Where could you possibly stay for that?

op have you read that Tax credits ARE benefits
you committing fraud
he would be classed as living with you
please sought this out

Ok so your outgoings are 1200 over 30days thats £40 a day ÷by the 4 of you theo £10 a day per person he us there 18 days so that £180 he should pay simple maths really way should he pay 1/3 of your outgoings not 1/4 which he did

@CaramelPops

I didn’t know that. I cannot afford to lose child tax credits. I would be better off going it alone or dating. Thank you! I don’t want to make a rod for my own back supporting a man who won’t support me.

Whatever you do do not set up a financial arrangement while you are claiming tax credits as a single person - you'll be one financial household and be in a world of trouble.

@CaramelPops

I was wondering if I was asking for an unreasonable contribution..

Your responses are much appreciated because I feel I am not being greedy.

Of course you are not being greedy. You are working your butts off to finance a fully grown adult so that he's got money set aside for "treats" - come on, now. I'd absolutely be telling him that the £400 is not negotiable. You clearly didn't just come up with a random figure, you come across responsible and clearly you have thigh theory this long and hard. He needs to contribute an appropriate amount. Don't let him use your, OP. Him hoovering occasionally won't pay the bills!

Get rid. Imagine if you lived together. Honestly sounds like he's using you for somewhere to stay as well as his parents!

you shop for food for him
you cook and share meals
he has personal things at yours
he washes/showers at your
helps with housework
has his washing done at yours
the list is endless

in the eyes of benefits he is living with you

He is no 'partner'

@Dddccc

Ok so your outgoings are 1200 over 30days thats £40 a day ÷by the 4 of you theo £10 a day per person he us there 18 days so that £180 he should pay simple maths really way should he pay 1/3 of your outgoings not 1/4 which he did

When someone eats double the food and the likes of the other people in the house a simple calculation doesn't always work.

£400÷18= £22.22
Does he really cost you that per visit?

I had to re read the OP post a couple of times

£200 a month! I gave my mother that 30 years ago whilst a student. He’s taking the piss and will continue to do so if he thinks that’s an acceptable amount

OP when my DH first started staying over he'd stay all weekend and one or two nights in the week. He gave me £500 a month right from the start without me even asking for a penny. And that was 20 years ago. Your DP is absolutely taking the piss.

Oh god sorry. Should have read the full thread

But an adult outweighs a child on Day to day spend. He uses more than £10 a day. He drinks beer and eats more. He is not equal to my kids. That’s ridiculous.

If that’s the basis of his calculations then why be with a single mum? Surely he can find a woman who hasn’t got kids and his happy to feed and care for him?!!

im hoping that he does not use your address for anything

get rid op cos if you get caught out they will instantly stop your TC etc

dont let him move in either as he will not support you and the kids

been in a similar situation yrs ago

I think the most worrying thing now is the benefits I hadn’t considered. I think I will have to say either he’s fully in and we are declaring or he’s out.

Yes @whatsthestory123 exactly that.

Seriously NOBODY ,no adult gets to live for £200 a month.
I accept he has maintenance payments but he’s not “offering” nearly enough .
YANBU if he can’t see your dilemma he’s probs not the right bloke for you.
Dump him -sorry

op you are answering your own questions which is good that you can see you are supplementing him

now for action

even if you were not on benefit i would still feck him of

£400 is totally reasonable given he has accommodation, a chef, a cleaner and a personal assistant for 70 odd % of his time. Don’t let him con you into thinking otherwise.

The fact he hasn’t offered to pay anything til now would give me the ick - nothing worse than a tight man/woman 🤢 it won’t change, get rid and spend the extra ££ on your kids.

Stop being an utter mug.