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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Stressed over siblings wedding

310 replies

sleepysnoozy · 30/10/2021 22:38

We have been invited to my husbands siblings wedding next year. The kids are invited too. Initially we were excited to go but they quickly booked a venue which is a 4 hour drive from where we (and the rest of my husbands family) live. This has changed things for us as it now means we need to spend two nights there as it is so far away. If we bring the kids the accommodation alone will be £600 for two nights. We also need to consider the usual wedding costs, outfits, Also, it is on a Sunday which will mean that our children will miss school.
We are planning on buying a house next year and feel that the timing of the wedding could be a big financial burden on us. We are a one income family too.
Lastly, the wedding is on at the start of the school year and it would mean that our kids would miss a few days of school in their first week starting in a new school.
AIBU if we turn down the wedding invite?
We have also considered having just my husband go but that would mean he does a 4 hour drive there and back the next day after a late night at the wedding.
What do we do? We don’t want to be negative over it but it is going to be stressful not matter what we do.

OP posts:
Grumpsy · 30/10/2021 22:41

To be honest o think of you don’t go there may be a rift between your husband and his sibling. I’m not saying not going or going is right or wrong depending on your circumstances, however these may be the potential consequences

RandomMess · 30/10/2021 22:42

Send your DH on his own unless your family could come and babysit so you go without the DC.

HouseOfFire · 30/10/2021 22:43

If sibling is getting married 4 hours away in school term time then they have to understand that people might not attend

WeAreTheHeroes · 30/10/2021 22:43

Is the venue near cheaper accommodation options which would at least bring the cost down?

Nearlytheretrees · 30/10/2021 22:48

I would tell dh to go on his own or both of you if you can get childcare

Lucycantdance · 30/10/2021 22:51

Your DH needs to go and suck up the drive I’m afraid. It’s his sibling.

However YANBU if you and DCs don’t go and they would be out of order expecting the children to miss school.

LorenzoVonMatterhorn · 30/10/2021 22:53

We have driven to a wedding with small children over four hours away. Set off early the same morning, straight to hotel for shower and change, then straight to wedding, drive home the day after. If he isn't bridal party this is doable.

You adults probably dont need new outfits.

Lastly, the wedding is on at the start of the school year and it would mean that our kids would miss a few days of school in their first week starting in a new school
How would your children miss a few days of school if the wedding is on a Sunday? It would be one day. Are they actually in on the Monday in the first week anyway? Is that not an inset day?

Paddingtonsmarmlade · 30/10/2021 22:53

There is no other accommodation that you can stay in for 2 nights that doesn't cost £600? Not a travel lodge or premier inn within an hour drive? You don't have to stay at the wedding site. I don't think I'd turn down a siblings wedding invite unless there were more serious consideration like a child with additional needs that wouldn't cope with the wedding. At the very least you dh needs to go and cope with the 4 hour drive back after a late night.

Bizawit · 30/10/2021 22:53

I think if it’s your husbands sibling he needs to attend. 4 hours away isn’t that far when it comes to weddings. Given that the wedding is on Sunday and your children would have to miss school in their first week, I think it’s totally fair that you and the kids say you can’t attend.

AnneLovesGilbert · 30/10/2021 22:54

He should go on his own.

hopeishere · 30/10/2021 22:55

I can't believe you wouldn't attend a siblings wedding. You've time to save up. One day of school missed will be fine.

Antiqueanniesmagiclanternshow · 30/10/2021 22:55

It's not until next year. Start saving now.
You can't miss his siblings wedding!

SMabbutt · 30/10/2021 22:56

Can your dh travel with the rest of his family to share the driving? Agree to try and find a cheap hotel near the venue for him as well. He can always get a taxi to the hotel and arrange to meet everyone the bext day for the trip home. You may find other family members would prefer that too.

HikingforScenery · 30/10/2021 22:56

He should go on his own and stay overnight in cheaper accommodation. Declining the wedding invite entirely is not on

Antiqueanniesmagiclanternshow · 30/10/2021 22:57

If the wedding is on a sunday you drive down Saturday and come back monday. One night accommodation and one day off school

Tohaveandtohold · 30/10/2021 22:59

Why do you have to stay at the expensive wedding hotel? See if there’s another cheaper alternative.
Why will the children miss ‘days’ of school, one day at most really. If the wedding is on a Sunday then maybe you all go and stay at the hotel on Saturday, attend some of the wedding on Sunday and leave with enough time to get home.
Also, the Monday might be inset day anyway and you won’t have to worry about anyone missing school

Lucked · 30/10/2021 23:01

Look further a field for accommodation, there will be something.

Janaih · 30/10/2021 23:01

Another vote for dh goes on his own. But seeing as it's dhs brother the decision should be his.

PiffleWiffleWoozle · 30/10/2021 23:02

DH needs to go, the rest you are reasonable to go or not due to missing school

LivingLaVidaBabyShower · 30/10/2021 23:03

I don't know why people do this.
We have been invited to 4 of these stupid middle of no where weddings and declined all but 1 which we HAVE to go to

You have been a bit reductive in terms of solutions - you actually have several options.

As others have said non attendance is likely to cause a rift. I would recommend you both go as a minimum.

when looking at the solve - I think you need to recognise this is a job to be done / a task to be endured and completed and not a nice social event

You don't need to stay two nights.

On the day of the wedding i'd do the ceremony and leave no later than 4pm so you are home sunday night. Just tell them the kids can't be out of school you'll be fined.
If the ceremony is midday i'd drive up same day.
No drinking at all
Split the driving
smile, nod say "the bride looks lovely, they are such a great couple and yes yes - such a shame we can't stay longer"

Newsorrynewagain · 30/10/2021 23:04

Sorry but it’s your oh sibling of course you all need to go. There must be a premier inn/holiday inn within driving distance. Ok thr kids need to miss a day at school it’s fine, it’s not going to do any harm. My sibling stays 4 hours away and my son missed his first day at primary 1 for his wedding and it was fine

Newsorrynewagain · 30/10/2021 23:05

Do you like the sibling as it sounds like your making excuses

InTheMiddle23 · 30/10/2021 23:06

As a one income family, is it worth looking at getting a second income to cover costs like this?

Gazelda · 30/10/2021 23:06

I think your DH should go, and book himself into a travel lodge or similar for 1 night.
You can legitimately decline because the DC need to be at school the next day.

ANameChangeAgain · 30/10/2021 23:07

They will only miss one day of school, which is fine for a close family wedding (it is at my children's school). Four hours isn't that far. If say the wedding is 1ish you wouldn't need to leave till 8 to get there in plenty of time, so only 1 night is needed. You don't need to spend a fortune on outfits. If you want to go you'll find a way.