Stressed over siblings wedding

[sleepysnoozy]

We have been invited to my husbands siblings wedding next year. The kids are invited too. Initially we were excited to go but they quickly booked a venue which is a 4 hour drive from where we (and the rest of my husbands family) live. This has changed things for us as it now means we need to spend two nights there as it is so far away. If we bring the kids the accommodation alone will be £600 for two nights. We also need to consider the usual wedding costs, outfits, Also, it is on a Sunday which will mean that our children will miss school.
We are planning on buying a house next year and feel that the timing of the wedding could be a big financial burden on us. We are a one income family too.
Lastly, the wedding is on at the start of the school year and it would mean that our kids would miss a few days of school in their first week starting in a new school.
AIBU if we turn down the wedding invite?
We have also considered having just my husband go but that would mean he does a 4 hour drive there and back the next day after a late night at the wedding.
What do we do? We don’t want to be negative over it but it is going to be stressful not matter what we do.

It’d be really weird if you didn’t attend a sibling’s wedding just because it was a 4 hour drive away.
£600 sounds a lot for 2 days of accommodation. You’ll be able to get cheaper than that.
If money really is an issue then you could either just do one night at the hotel or tbh even no hotel in this circumstance and either nap in the car or arrange to stay in another guest’s house who lives closer to the venue.
You can sleep in the car in a service station car park for the cost of overnight parking. It’s about £20-30. I’ve done it with my family. It’s fine for one night in such circumstances.

@TatianaBis - in a normal year but not when there are almost two years of weddings to rearrange! I’m going to four next year that should have happened during lockdowns. They’ve done well to get a weekend at all!

@PyongyangKipperbang we don’t know where the bride and groom live or the brides family and indeed most of the couples friends. All we know is that it’s not close to the grooms family.

I get how annoying Sunday weddings are but surely people can see how hurtful it would be to not go to your own brothers wedding when there’s apparently no bad blood for the sake of a four hour drive? If DH went along he could stay sober, leave after the first dance and be home by the early hours (or find a cheap hotel half way and be back for school drop off!).

@Lucycantdance

Your DH needs to go and suck up the drive I’m afraid. It’s his sibling.

However YANBU if you and DCs don’t go and they would be out of order expecting the children to miss school.

I agree! It's rubbish for kids to miss those all-important first few days in a new school & why should you feel pressured to spend money you don't have?

@PyongyangKipperbang so now it's narcissistic to get married on a Sunday at a location that may well be close to where the B2B is from. TBH from what you've written I don't think the couple would be missing much if you didn't come.

Meanwhile in the real world, the couple may regret booking a Sunday as most people will leave early so they don't miss a days work or school.

If it's a Sunday night, why not book a cheaper family room (eg premier inn) quite close, drive to the venue, ceremony and sit down meal then say goodbye after the speeches and make your way home by midnight, yes it's a late night for the kids on a school night but it's just once.

We took two flights with 10 month old twins and a 3 year old. Stayed in 3 different hotels over 3 nights. This was my DH’s brother’s wedding. Was a complete ballache and I don’t even like his bro but couldn’t not go!

You’re looking for reasons not to go. My kids loved family weddings and parties because they got to see all their relatives.

Nobody needs new outfits for a wedding- it’s personal preference. Kids’ gear can be bought from supermarkets.

I would’ve been gutted if my siblings hadn’t come to my wedding!!

307 replies and OP hasn't returned to her own thread . Only one green post. Why are we bothering?

@Whereismumhiding3

307 replies and OP hasn't returned to her own thread . Only one green post. Why are we bothering?

OP didn't like the replies she got. She expected 307 replies saying it's terrible and she should tell SIL to fuck off, possibly even hoped that she could show DH the thread and persuade him to cancel going to the wedding. But instead she got a lot of helpful replies and suggestions as to how to make it possible.

No, the OP did not get the replies she hoped for.

It seems she won't be back to explain why none of the sensible and helpful suggestions on this thread would be a solution.