Stressed over siblings wedding

[sleepysnoozy]

We have been invited to my husbands siblings wedding next year. The kids are invited too. Initially we were excited to go but they quickly booked a venue which is a 4 hour drive from where we (and the rest of my husbands family) live. This has changed things for us as it now means we need to spend two nights there as it is so far away. If we bring the kids the accommodation alone will be £600 for two nights. We also need to consider the usual wedding costs, outfits, Also, it is on a Sunday which will mean that our children will miss school.
We are planning on buying a house next year and feel that the timing of the wedding could be a big financial burden on us. We are a one income family too.
Lastly, the wedding is on at the start of the school year and it would mean that our kids would miss a few days of school in their first week starting in a new school.
AIBU if we turn down the wedding invite?
We have also considered having just my husband go but that would mean he does a 4 hour drive there and back the next day after a late night at the wedding.
What do we do? We don’t want to be negative over it but it is going to be stressful not matter what we do.

Why do you have to stay for 2 nights? Surely you could do an early start
and stay one night?
Why would it cost £600? A stop in a Travel Lodge at the nearest motorway services or non touristy town would be far less for 2 rooms.

It sounds like you're finding excuses not to attend.

Another vote for the travel lodge
They won't miss days, they'll miss a day of school.

Tbh you sound you like you don't want to go. This is your husband's sibling. Make a flipping effort.

You go, you leave after breakfast on the Monday take the kids to school and sign them in a bit late, they don't need the whole day off. If you really want to go you'll make it happen. Stop the 'saving for a house', '£600 for accommodation' excuses and make a plan now. It all sounds a bit 'Eh it's a nice idea but I can't he bothered...'. It's a sibling!

Sorry but I agree with those who say you have to go.

Why not a travelodge family room? Why not one night? I agree it would be more relaxed to do two nights but unless it's central London even that may be doable for under £150.

You could borrow outfits, you've got loads of time? Just ask friends. Or this is what ebay is for.

Essentially if you just make the firm decision that you're going, you'll find a way.

I think you should go, it is close family.
Look for a cheaper accomodation, maybe even shared with DH family?
No need to buy new clothes, and gift can be small.

I don’t understand the “children would miss a few days of school” bit. For a Sunday wedding?

Many schools have training days for the teachers on the first Monday, but even if yours doesn’t you could still get the kids in for lunchtime.

You’re making (rubbish) excuses.

Four hours isn't that bad, especially if you stop for a running around/meal/swap drivers break in the middle. I think you are making a bit of a mountain out of a molehill, really, as others say, there must be cheaper accommodation within a reasonable distance. It's a sibling's wedding, you need to make an effort!

YABU to be thinking of not going, yes.
It is your dh's brother, or sister, not a random colleague or friends from University.

It is the first week of school ?
Are they definitely in on the Monday? Are you confident it isn't a training day, or one of those days when they only have certain year groups in ?
I think it is a terrible idea to take dc out of school the first week, but your first port of call is to find out for sure if they would even be in.
After that you can start making decisions

If they are in on the Monday, then Possible options - you and dh go and someone else has the dc and takes them to school
You all go, and drive home on the Sunday evening and the dc will probably fall asleep in the car, and be a bit tired for a few days, but they'll live
Your dh goes without you and the dc (prob the worst option)

If you don't have the money, then you don't need to buy new outfits for everyone.
You certainly don't need to spend £600 on accommodation.

I’d send DH. Or all go, stay in a Premier Inn on Saturday night then leave the wedding reception early and drive home afterwards. A four hour drive is not that strenuous, I’ve done an four hour drive, an event and then driven back in the same day! Ok, it spoils the party a bit but if you book a Sunday night wedding that’s what happens, people leave early. I guarantee not everyone is going to take Monday off work/school!

I wouldn’t have my child miss a day of school for a wedding, especially not their first day at a new school. Not at all fair on the child to miss all the crucial settling in routines and information.

Another vote for DH to attend alone, drive up early on the day of the wedding and stay 1 night.

Your husband absolutely has to go. A four hour drive to his brother or sisters wedding is nothing. I have driven more than that after a long flight for a cousins wedding. That is what you do for family.

Is there anyone who can babysit of you both to.

But at the minimum your husband really should go. The drive is a poor excuse - and if he is travelling alone surely he could share a lift with someone if he driving really is a huge problem for him?

Your husband has to go and he really should go for the whole wedding weekend. It’s his brother.

The kids missing school, especially so early in the year is a problem. You need to think about your individual children’s personalities and decide if it’s something that they will handle well or if it will set them off to a bad start.

The other option is to try to get someone from your side of the family to come stay with the kids so they don’t miss any school. That would really be my first choice if you have anyone who could fill that role, because really, you do need to make an effort to be at the wedding as well.

My brother is doing this exact same thing. Central London wedding requiring 2 night stay. Term time. It's going to cost us nearly £1k for trains and a "cheap" hotel room. Then obviously clothes and gift. We are going as we can afford it, if we couldn't I think I'd probably go alone.

@InTheMiddle23

As a one income family, is it worth looking at getting a second income to cover costs like this?

This.

Your single income is enough to raise a family and a buy a house but not enough to afford to attend an in laws wedding?

Just here to find out why 2 nights costs £600 and a Sunday wedding means more than just Monday off school…

I wouldn’t let my kids miss the first day in a new school but your DH should go. Having said there, are you sure the Monday wouldn’t be an inset day anyway?

Your husband has to go. End of story. Why he wouldn't be adamant about this is beyond me. Unless it is completely unrealistic to attend a siblings wedding you should attend, ie live in another country, in active Labour, in hospital are some of the acceptable reasons, otherwise he should go. Im sure your in law would love for you and the kids to be there but the bottom line is her brother has to be there. I would move heaven and earth to be there for my siblings and unless there is a backstory your DH should want to too. If he doesn't it may end up in a massive family fall out.

Also not sure I would be bothered about the kids missing a day of school, they've missed plenty due to covid and been fine. Certainly wouldn't be a rain for me to miss a siblings wedding.

We have also considered having just my husband go but that would mean he does a 4 hour drive there and back the next day after a late night at the wedding.

I recently attended a nother weekday wedding and had to drive 6 hours back the next day. It was fine. I stopped drinking after the meal and still managed to have a fine time.

Travelodge family room Saturday night.
Wedding outfits from eBay.
Leave by 5pm on Sunday evening and drive home, kids already in PJs in car.

Aaaaaand problem solved.

You do seem to be looking at the blocks, not the solution. Of course there are cheaper options to stay. Of course you only have to stay one night at most. And of course you have to go; it's a sibling. Find a solution.

(And, are you an only child, or do you really dislike his family???). Such a weird question in the first place, there must be something else going on here.

*Obviously not disparaging any only children, but the OP really doesn't seem to understand the significance of missing a sibling's wedding.

I think the op has changed details and the wedding is a Friday so she's thinking they'll miss the Thursday and Friday. Otherwise it makes zero sense.

Stay at a cheaper hotel but yes, you should go

@ouchmyfeet

My brother is doing this exact same thing. Central London wedding requiring 2 night stay. Term time. It's going to cost us nearly £1k for trains and a "cheap" hotel room. Then obviously clothes and gift. We are going as we can afford it, if we couldn't I think I'd probably go alone.

Where are you travelling from for it to cost so much

Wait, it’s the start of the new school year so in September(assuming you’re in uK)?
How are you seriously stressed about this now? Make it work FGS, it’s your brother in law. Your kids miss one day of school, so what?
Plenty of time to save and 4 hours drive is easy. So many excuses Jesus Christ. Just don’t go if you don’t want to, but let your husband enjoy his siblings wedding without you breathing down his neck.