Birthday cake

[Thundercats77]

Long winded.... Today is my DS 1st birthday. We intend to celebrate this tomorrow with family and friends and have hired a venue and entertainment etc to do so (we couldn't find a venue today).

Today his actual birthday day, we are taking DS out to the circus . The circus is very close to where my parents live so we will be popping in to see them.

I have specifically told my family not to get/make a cake as it won't be fair on DS other set of grandparents, DH side and we will all do one together tomorrow.

My husband and I will cut a cupcake with him today.

DGP asked if they could come round prior to going to the circus to drop off his presents. DH said yes but pressies only and nothing else.

They've come round and MIL has baked a cake with a candle declaring to wake DS up we are going to cut the cake.

I looked at DH who gave a well what can you do look to me and said meakley I said pressies only.

MIL piped up again, we are going to cut the cake. I had to then intercept as I was quite agitated at this point that I had said no cakes etc to my parents etc etc. And now it won't be fair on them so we won't cut the cake.

PIL seemed upset and said OK we will cut the cake tomorrow.

MIL always has a habit of doing what she wants.

AIBU to have said what I did?
If so any suggestions on how to handle this better.

It's put a real dampener on the day.

I had to read this twice. At first I thought YWBU as it won’t hurt for your DC to have extra cake but now I think this is The Cake ready for the party tomorrow and they want to cut it early - is that right?

You made a big deal out of nothing, I would have said nothing about cakes to anyone and If mil did a cake great I would have cut that, if my family did a cake great, I’d cut that too, I’d then do a cake at his party.

Also op what do you mean fair? Would your family really care if they weren’t there when a cake was done? You’re being PFB.

Anyone over the age of 10 who finds themselves saying "it's not fair" needs to take a good long look at themselves.

Your poor son.
His 1st birthday, ruined.
He may need cake therapy when he's older to help deal with the trauma.

You sound extremely ytediousand Precious First Born OP.

Gosh - why does it matter??
He gets another cake tomorrow with your parents, also, he's one and won't care about you cutting a cake in the slightest. In fact, he will probably smush it up and throw it on the floor.
No need for the drama in the slightest, and YABU for saying it's dampened the day. Someone baked an extra cake and it's apparently ruined your day?? Really??

Oh dear op.
Think you need to read your post as we are and maybe understand that you are not shining yourself very well here.

It’s just cake. As far as I know there’s no law to say that you can’t have two cakes. Your DS can’t count and he won’t care about the grand cutting of either cake anyway. Saying that your MIL was unreasonable to suggest you wake up your DS. Never wake a sleeping baby, even for cake.

This is about the MIL not respecting her sons and DILs wishes. She was told no cake but still bought one round.

I'm a bit confused too. Is this an extra cake, made by MiL after your parents were told not to have a cake today?

If so, so what. It really doesn't matter. The more cake, the merrier. Ds 1 will have no idea at all.

Yes YABU; how to have handled it? Say to MiL oooh, lovely, let's all have some cake. Then stop worrying (as it sounds like you are) about the significance of The Cake.

I can’t quite believe that someone would ever think there’s such a thing as too much cake

Stop being so controlling, it’s his birthday not yours. The only person who’s put a dampener on anything is you.

I think it is fair enough to cut the cake tomorrow as that is when everyone will be there so they will all get some of the cake (If we cut a cake in my house today, there wouldn't be much left by tomorrow)/
Its the sort of thing my late MIL would have done - but I would file it under irritating rather than a major transgression (save your annoyance for when it really matters and she is interfering in something that is an important matter of principle for you or a safety issue where she really needs to follow instructions). If you make an issue over everything, when she really needs to listen and do as you tell her they will be used to dismissing your concerns as 'we can't do anything right with DIL'

Obviously your DS will have no clue it is his birthday and no idea what is going on, so it won't affect him in any way. I'm sure he will have a lovely day and enjoy his circus treat and being made a fuss of by family regardless of when cake is cut.

YANBU op for no other reason than you explicitly asked a grown adult not to do something and they came to your house and did it anyway.

The circumstances don’t really matter, unless they’re particularly ‘unusual’ which this isn’t. A grown adult should be capable of respecting wishes in someone else’s home.

Utterly bonkers!! (You, not them).

You are being silly and so are both sets of parents to get worked up over nothing
Yes but annoying when you said no cake and they bring cake And if that’s a pattern it needs talking about but but get a grip !

We had four separate birthday cakes for my 2 year olds birthday. It didn't ruin his birthday at all.

If you set such strict rules on family members, you'll often be disappointed. Just enjoy the extra cake and enjoy the main day tomorrow as planned.

If it's because you don't want to have too much leftover cake, just take what a slice and give the rest back. No point in having a big strop over it as you'll only be ruining it for yourself.

Having said that, she's being very unreasonable to wake him up just to blow out the candle!

I voted Yanbu because you made the rule and are trying to keep things fair BUT I think the rule was ridiculous in the first place. It's cake, you can never have enough cake, you should have said nothing and not made a big deal, if someone organised a little cake then great, it's hardly unfair on the other grandparents . You made an issue out of nothing.

So imo yanbu to have followed through since you already made the rule BUT yabu to have made the rule in the first place, imo.

Another case of PFB. I'd have been delighted when my mum had a cake for the kids. Ds godmother also used to make a cake and bring it over. The more cake the better. Stop being so controlling and regimental about a kids birthday.

🎂🎂🎂

I think you’re over-reacting a little about cake. Cake 2 days running won’t hurt and everyone could have had special moments with DS.

However I don’t think you’re over reacting about PIL turning up with cake - they have blatantly ignored the boundaries you put in place and for that you were right you stand your ground.

I’m wondering who is the child. You or your son.
This is utterly ridiculous and you even comment “it’s put a real dampener on the day” !

Good gracious me stop being so ridiculously precious. You could have had cake today, cake tomorrow and cake the bloody day after. I’m not surprised your PIL were upset.

It's quite possible to cut more than one cake and celebrate a birthday on more than 1 occasion.
However I have an issue with my mother not listening, not respecting our decisions and frequently pushing boundaries and doing exactly as she pleases regardless of what we say so I can see why you'd get upset when it happens frequently (even if this issue isn't that big a deal). You probably do need to assert yourself however bare in mind this isn't the most outrageous situation.

Please get a grip, the more cake the better!

A!so think you are over reacting.

It seems it's everyone else's birthday, and not your Son's., what an almighty palaver is going on. ! He will maybe only like a cupcake, and some peace and quiet to play.