Birthday cake

[Thundercats77]

Long winded.... Today is my DS 1st birthday. We intend to celebrate this tomorrow with family and friends and have hired a venue and entertainment etc to do so (we couldn't find a venue today).

Today his actual birthday day, we are taking DS out to the circus . The circus is very close to where my parents live so we will be popping in to see them.

I have specifically told my family not to get/make a cake as it won't be fair on DS other set of grandparents, DH side and we will all do one together tomorrow.

My husband and I will cut a cupcake with him today.

DGP asked if they could come round prior to going to the circus to drop off his presents. DH said yes but pressies only and nothing else.

They've come round and MIL has baked a cake with a candle declaring to wake DS up we are going to cut the cake.

I looked at DH who gave a well what can you do look to me and said meakley I said pressies only.

MIL piped up again, we are going to cut the cake. I had to then intercept as I was quite agitated at this point that I had said no cakes etc to my parents etc etc. And now it won't be fair on them so we won't cut the cake.

PIL seemed upset and said OK we will cut the cake tomorrow.

MIL always has a habit of doing what she wants.

AIBU to have said what I did?
If so any suggestions on how to handle this better.

It's put a real dampener on the day.

Oh and op a 1st birthday ia definitely more for the adults than the baby who won't remember it; just have fun and a toast!

My daughter will be having multiple cakes this year due to celebrating with different people. It just happens. You sound unhinged

She was told no cake but still bought one round
If I was told not to bring cake on someone's birthday, I'd think I'd misheard.

@CactusLemonSpice

I think people who don't know why this is a big overstep are overlooking the huge social transactional and emotional significance of 'the birthday cake'. It's a thing. People make cake related power moves all the time. They really do.

I agree with this @CactusLemonSpice

see also: cutting wedding cake. even more significant and hugely symbolic

Life is too short to worry about having too much cake.

Get a grip, and eat all the cake!

This isn't something I could get worked up about.

“Cut a cupcake with him”. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

This thread’s hilarious-one day you’ll look back and cringe

Another vote for precious firstborn overreaction.

The child won't remember there was cake yesterday. The child has no concept of birthdays, or circuses.

What a load of drama over nothing.

YANBU due to MIL actually wanting to wake your 1 yo to cut a cake. No reason this couldn’t have been done the next day.

But you didn’t tell MIL not to bring a cake?! Just your mother? I understand wanting to be the one who makes the cake for your firstborn’s first birthday; I had a nice neighbour who wanted to do this for mine and thought it was very intrusive/a little tone deaf but I was probably being quite unreasonable with that and I think a family member bringing a cake round with presents the day before is pretty ok - it’s not even the official cake!

I wouldn’t mind some cake now…

Fuck me! Is there a One Birthday Cake Rule?

This may be where I have been going wrong

You're all wankers.

It's put a real dampener on the day.

What??

When you're just one year old all cake is good cake.

Also applies when you're 52...

Ffs it’s a grandparent taking the time, money and effort into making a cake for their grandchild. It’s not their fault their daughter in law is so controlling. It’s just cake ffs.

The child won't remember there was cake yesterday.

Of course he won't. The issue to me is whether the OP's parents/ILs will, and whether either set of parents is into that sort of competitive grandparenting and will make this into a 'thing' about fairness - which won't be fairness, it would, if it was going to happen, be about them, parents or ILs, seeing fairness as them always being first. And will trample on boundaries to make sure they are. Is that the reason the OP is trying to make it equal, or is it PFB? We don't know.

@sausagepastapot

You're all wankers.

What??

You are truly ridiculous!

@Blackmagicqueen

'How is making a cake after being told “no cake” a nice gesture?'

Its bloody cake; hardly worth a thread over! They were having a cupcake anyway so the grandparents probably wanted to brighten up and celebrate what sounds like a controlled none birthday on the child's actual birthday! Whats wrong with a 2 day celebration!

What’s wrong with respecting boundaries?

[tea]

[cup]

Bloody hell my kids get 3 birthday cakes sometimes. What does it matter!!

I don’t understand, is this an extra cake (in which case what is the actual problem)? Or are PIL wanting to have tomorrow’s cake today and deny everyone else (which would be unreasonable)?