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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Birthday cake

291 replies

Thundercats77 · 30/10/2021 13:38

Long winded.... Today is my DS 1st birthday. We intend to celebrate this tomorrow with family and friends and have hired a venue and entertainment etc to do so (we couldn't find a venue today).

Today his actual birthday day, we are taking DS out to the circus . The circus is very close to where my parents live so we will be popping in to see them.

I have specifically told my family not to get/make a cake as it won't be fair on DS other set of grandparents, DH side and we will all do one together tomorrow.

My husband and I will cut a cupcake with him today.

DGP asked if they could come round prior to going to the circus to drop off his presents. DH said yes but pressies only and nothing else.

They've come round and MIL has baked a cake with a candle declaring to wake DS up we are going to cut the cake.

I looked at DH who gave a well what can you do look to me and said meakley I said pressies only.

MIL piped up again, we are going to cut the cake. I had to then intercept as I was quite agitated at this point that I had said no cakes etc to my parents etc etc. And now it won't be fair on them so we won't cut the cake.

PIL seemed upset and said OK we will cut the cake tomorrow.

MIL always has a habit of doing what she wants.

AIBU to have said what I did?
If so any suggestions on how to handle this better.

It's put a real dampener on the day.

OP posts:
SickAndTiredAgain · 30/10/2021 19:20

@DriftingBlue

In our family, this is the child’s first bite of cake or really any kind of real dessert. We don’t do cookies or cakes or anything before that day. It’s a big deal.

We ended up celebrating DD’s first birthday a few weeks early because it was the only way to get both sets of grandparents in the same place at the same time for the all important first cake.

Why is a child’s first bite of something dessert-like a big deal? It’s hardly up there with first words. I’ve no idea when DD first had something like that, it may well have been her first birthday, it may have been a bit earlier. I’ve also no idea who was present for the big moment.
Billandben444 · 30/10/2021 19:21

You can never have too much cake but taking a 1-yr old to the circus as a birthday treat??!! Wow.

MuppetsRus · 30/10/2021 19:28

Circus and a birthday venue tomorrow for a 1 year old?! Crazy!! Your need to chill And enjoy the cake OP. Your son won't remember this but you and family members will...

HouseOfFire · 30/10/2021 19:44

@MuppetsRus

Circus and a birthday venue tomorrow for a 1 year old?! Crazy!! Your need to chill And enjoy the cake OP. Your son won't remember this but you and family members will...
Your son won't remember this but you and family members will...

well put

LovePoppy · 30/10/2021 20:18

@Justheretoaskaquestion91

This is about the MIL not respecting her sons and DILs wishes. She was told no cake but still bought one round

MIL wasn’t told no cake.

She was told presents but nothing else.

That says no cake to me

silverbubbles · 30/10/2021 20:20

are you only allowed one cake?

Surely your son will be delighted to have so many cakes and so much celebration for him?

You need to stop being such a nightmare and enjoy yourself and your child's birthday along with all the people who want to celebrate it.

Imagine if no one was interested in his birthday / celebrating it /cutting cake. That would be worth moaning about, not this.

Blackmagicqueen · 30/10/2021 20:26

Who was the cupcake for? Surely for the baby too? Wouldnt that be the first bite of cake anyway? So much stress about cake 🤭

LadyTiredWinterBottom2 · 30/10/2021 20:33

I'm guessing this matters because mil is always pulling stunts like this

Don't let her get to you

Our, push her face in the cake Wink

CrocodilesCry · 30/10/2021 20:34

You will definitely look back and laugh at how precious you were about the cake. And cringe a bit too. It's not a big deal.

Hunderland · 30/10/2021 20:41

You are insane to even be bothered about this.

HTH1 · 30/10/2021 20:46

@Lasair

You made a big deal out of nothing, I would have said nothing about cakes to anyone and If mil did a cake great I would have cut that, if my family did a cake great, I’d cut that too, I’d then do a cake at his party.

Also op what do you mean fair? Would your family really care if they weren’t there when a cake was done? You’re being PFB.

This. One cake is good, more cakes are better.
mirijones · 30/10/2021 20:50

It's a fucking cake. Have a slice and get over it. Seriously.

Excited101 · 30/10/2021 20:51

You are aware it’s not a wedding? ‘Cutting the cake’ is not a real ‘thing’ at a one year olds birthday.

Honestly, if you indulge these strict rules surrounding your family members, you’re making your life harder. Adopt a slightly lasiaz faire approach and they will all follow.

Original poster
Thundercats77 · 30/10/2021 21:34

Also at the time that I told my folks no cake please last week, there was no mention of PIL coming over on DS actual birthday. PIL had then said a couple of days ago to DH that they will pop in to drop of pressies so he can open them on the day. And then DH said we will be cutting a cake the 3 of us so pressies only and nothing else.

DS actually really enjoyed the circus. It was my birthday the week before so it was more for me.

OP posts:
Nataliefrances123 · 30/10/2021 21:34

The problem here is the bloody grandparents 🙄 and u feeling like u have to be fair to them.
The day is about u celebrating the 1st Birthday of your little boy. U should of gone away for a couple of days for his actual birthday and seen them separately when u were back and have more cake then.
I cannot quite believe how many threads there are on here about grandparents. It's no wonder people move away.

Original poster
Thundercats77 · 30/10/2021 21:35

I actually wrote another reply but accidentally deleted it.

OP posts:
tobedtoMN · 30/10/2021 21:38

Have you actually taken on board any of the feedback?... that you asked for.

Original poster
Thundercats77 · 30/10/2021 21:58

Wow cakegate has got a lot of replies.

Thank you all for your views.

As some have suggested, I'm trying to do a balancing act of grandparents more for MIL sake so that she can't say xyz was done without me etc.

MIL has transgressed boundaries in the past biggest one being after DS was born by CS and we had told all the family to come over at various times (not to be precious but due to covid) the following day as we were knackered at 10 pm when we got home. MIL insisted on coming over that night as she can't wait and she did.

She likes to be the first in everything.
DH had said when she said a few days ago about dropping pressies that we 3, DH DS and I will be cutting a cake later so pressies only.

They arrived with a cake, pressie and card and stated there card was the biggest, no big deal. I took the cake, I was annoyed but didn't make a big deal as I thought well we will be cutting our cupcake later. It was a cup cake as we have recently had a cake overload and will be eating his main cake tomorrow.

It's when they said we've come to cut the cake with DS and blow the candle and to wake him up from his 11 am nap that I got peeved off and had said that I told my parents not to do a cake as it would not have been fair on you so this is not fair on them.

Agree that first birthdays are about the parents. This was making it all about MIL and DS and taking it away from me.

OP posts:
Pbbananabagel · 30/10/2021 22:03

It’s not about cake at all, it’s about that first memory and sharing it together with everyone, not having someone take it over. I get it OP.
My son’s first birthday went absolutely to plan, but he then cried when his cake came out as he was a bit overwhelmed! Something will always go a little wrong, just be prepared for it and that becomes part of the memory too.

CourgetteSeason · 30/10/2021 22:05

You sound like hard work. More cake is never a bad thing if you ask me.

lollipoprainbow · 30/10/2021 22:09

Cut and eat the cake ffs !!

Deadringer · 30/10/2021 22:10

Much ado about nothing.

firstimemamma · 30/10/2021 22:12

I'm so glad my son's birthdays are nothing like this! Small and simple with zero dramas.

hulahooper2 · 30/10/2021 22:13

You can’t have too much cake for a birthday , yabu , and I would be surprised if anyone thought twice about it

DebbieHarrysCheekbones · 30/10/2021 22:18

The worst thing you can do with a MIL like this or indeed a mother like this is what’s you’re doing
As Elsa sings….. let it go

Otherwise instead of wryly raising an eyebrows over the next 20 years you will be en route to the nur house

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