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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

At age 44

246 replies

Slimfastshady · 29/10/2021 22:06

Is it too old to have a baby?

I have two embryos left from ivf, had my miracle Dd at 40. Was hoping to go for the embryo implant sooner, but covid hit etc etc,

I feel this is it, last chance or not and I need to make a decision.

*If successful, baby would be born when I’m 44.

Please be honest, am I too old now?

OP posts:
Darbs76 · 29/10/2021 22:09

Many women do have babies at 44. I’m 44 and must admit I feel like I’m too old, but then I had my first baby 28yrs ago. Go for it

DramaAlpaca · 29/10/2021 22:15

I know three women who've had babies at 44, one a first baby and two were second babies. None were as a result of fertility treatment though.

If you want to try, just go for it. I would in your shoes.

moirarosebabay · 29/10/2021 22:17

There are a few celebs having babies at 44! The actress from east Enders Kellie bright I think she's called used her last embryo and Joanna page who plays Stacey on Gavin And Stacey. Also another whose name escapes me. Sorry, not a very intelligent reply Grin

moirarosebabay · 29/10/2021 22:18

I would go for it too. Good luck with whatever you decide.

Farmhouse1234 · 29/10/2021 22:18

Go for it! If it wasn’t for health problems (and not having two embryos spare) I would have gone for IVF mid 40s

Yika · 29/10/2021 22:19

I had my dd at almost 44 so I’d say go for it. All went well. I wouldn’t say it’s an ideal age but if you want a baby and it’s the age you are there aren’t many other options.

Dishwashersaurous · 29/10/2021 22:19

I think this is one of those situations when you will always think, what If, if you don't try.

It may or may not work but you can only try

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 29/10/2021 22:19

It's not that different from 40. If you feel Ok with sleepless nights etc now then I'd go for it.

PeachesPumpkin · 29/10/2021 22:20

You are fine. Average for the menopause is 52 so any age before that could have a baby without assistance so it’s perfectly reasonable to try for an assisted conception.
Good luck!

Catsstillrock · 29/10/2021 22:21

Only you can decide.

I also had Ivf baby born at 41, and have two embryos left. They’ve been on my mind ever since and for a while I wanted to give it a go.

But yes Covid etc. We also already have two, and both of mine have been demanding until 3ish so didn’t have the capacity to go for it sooner.

I’ve dreamt of a third but feel like I ‘came to my senses’ in the last few months and have concluded for us the pressure of a third (time, space, cost) and the risks of something going wrong aren’t worth it, and unfair on the wonderful two kids we already have. I feel pretty a peace with this and focusing on being grateful for the family we have.

OTOH I have a friend who is in the early stages of pregnancy (first, after a hard road) at 45.

For a second I’d be much more likely to go for it.

Good luck whatever you decide.

Igmum · 29/10/2021 22:21

I had DD at 41 and would have loved more so go for it. I used to love reading in pregnancy magazines of celebs who were older than me. Good luck

DrWankincense · 29/10/2021 22:25

I had my second at 39 and for me it's too old.
Hypocritical perhaps but if I had time over, I would definitely have had mine younger.
It isn't the baby stage that's tough, you need to think ahead to when you are running around doing activities and playing taxi to teens.
Exhausting. But many people do it.
Only you know you.

Shehasadiamondinthesky · 29/10/2021 22:30

My sister is doing it at 45 and I don't think she's too old. Depends how much you want a baby.

GroggyLegs · 29/10/2021 22:31

If you can deal with the sleepless nights & you're generally fit & well, I'd go for it.

As you already have a DD you're going to be running around after a teen in your mid-50's anyway (as will I!).

Cheeseplantboots · 29/10/2021 22:33

Do you feel too old? If not go for it x

Original poster
Slimfastshady · 29/10/2021 22:33

I so wish I was 33, not 43.

OP posts:
MrsSkylerWhite · 29/10/2021 22:34

Are you - honestly - fit and healthy?

If you are, YANBU
If you aren’t, YABU

BitterTits · 29/10/2021 22:35

I would go for it in those circumstances.

ISpyCobraKai · 29/10/2021 22:35

It's mot too old why you'd want to escapes me though.
Ill be 44 next month and have a 20yr old.
I've never loved being a mother more, as a young, active Mum.
Will you really manage this in your mid 60's?

DrDreReturns · 29/10/2021 22:35

Bear in mind you'll be around 60 when they hit their teens.
I'm 44 and dealing with my teens is exhausting.

MintyGreenDream · 29/10/2021 22:35

Yes imo

Viviennemary · 29/10/2021 22:35

Just go for it if its from an embryo and you feel up to being a parent. I would be worried about trying to conceive naturally at this age because of egg quality. But that isn't the case for you.

lisaandalan · 29/10/2021 22:35

You are as old as you feel. If you are fit and think you can cope, go for it. X

lisaandalan · 29/10/2021 22:37

@Slimfastshady I so wish I was 33, not 43.
Don't we all lol x

VladmirsPoutine · 29/10/2021 22:37

I'd say it was too old for me but there are many women who have babies at your age. Thing is, all else being equal in your life then I'd say go for it, by that I mean support, financially stable and good relationships.