At age 44

[Slimfastshady]

Is it too old to have a baby?

I have two embryos left from ivf, had my miracle Dd at 40. Was hoping to go for the embryo implant sooner, but covid hit etc etc,

I feel this is it, last chance or not and I need to make a decision.

*If successful, baby would be born when I’m 44.

Please be honest, am I too old now?

I had my second at 43, lots of my maternal ancestors also had babies in their mid forties. It wasn’t uncommon at all in previous generations, only having a first baby at that age, not a last one, would have been unusual pre effective contraception.
I say go ahead !

What if you hadn’t been and all those years were spent trying, would you abandon your wishes at 39/40 plus or earlier?

It's hard to tell because you have to experience that set of circumstances to know. I wasn't particularly 'trying' in the first place, I was on board with it but mostly in response to my partner's wishes and parents expectations than my own desire, so I don't think I'd keep trying for years if it didn't work - it wouldn't be my priority because of who I am / my personality.

It's worrying how many people feel worn down in their forties. I was almost 45 when I had dc and I've never felt that I was coping any less well than younger mums. Dealing with teens is fine so far perhaps being post menopausal is an advantage - puberty and menopause happening at the same might have been challenging.

@Hathertonhariden most women are going through peri menopause at that age and dealing with ageing parents. It does wear you down.

Go for it OP. I had my DD at 39 and we started trying for a second baby when I was almost 41. 44 was my cut off point as that would have meant having a child still at school when I was retirement age ( so child of 16 with a 60 year old mum). Those ages have changed now!!
I didn't have a second, but wish I'd kept trying a bit longer.

After struggling to conceive, I gave birth at the ages of 35 and 38. In my head, 40 was my cut off but in all honesty if I hadn't managed to conceive, I know now without a doubt that I would have had to keep trying.

Don't worry about what anyone else thinks, it's what you think that matters. If you feel you are able to give birth and look after a baby at 44, people shouldn't judge you.

In terms of running around after a little one, there was nobody fitter than my Grandma, yes my Grandma, always used to come first in the parent school races, was in her mid 50s and she certainly gave the 30 year olds mums a run for their money!

@julieca At what age?

I wouldn’t but that’s me.

@thatgingergirl What do you mean those ages have changed now?

I would.

@Sakura7

As a child of older parents, I would say think carefully before you decide to go for it.

Are you and your partner in good health, and are you conscious of looking after your health as you age?

What's your family history like in terms of longevity, illness, etc?

Are you financially secure?

Have you thought about plans for the future in case something happens to you when your child is still young? My dad was 45 when I was born and he developed Alzheimer's when I was in my early 20s. I spent my 20s and early 30s dealing with his care, hospital appointments, nursing homes, etc.

Of course it could all work out wonderfully, but that's much more likely to happen if you plan for all eventualities.

Did you miss the part where the OP said she already has a young child? So what should she do with the one she already has had as an older mother in your doom and gloom scenario? Send them back?

OP I know a fair few women who have had children in their mid forties it's no issues. Before the advent of the pill it was fairly normal for women to have children in their 40s. Good luck with whatever you decide!

Do it ! I had mine at 43, all was fine - she is now a beautiful 18 year old. I wish you all the best x

@RaoulDufysCat I’m also thinking completely of my Dd who has no sibling to support her in life. I’m sorry about your situation, I really am, but shit, that makes me feel horrendously guilty for even having Dd at 40.
Life doesn’t always deal you what you want.
I started ttc as a laid back, very young woman, just past my 30th birthday. I never knew what the future would hold over those 9 years..and by 39 when it finally worked, we’d been in the thick of it for a very long time.
Perhaps I should cut my losses now
I’m worried to leave my Dd on her own

You are not too old.
And if you happened to die earlier than expected, your children would have each other to support one another.

@CatWithARabbit How did you find it all through each stage? Was it really very exhausting? Menopause and teenage years etc?

@Slimfastshady forties. Its why so many say they feel exhausted. Most are still raising children and have parents who need more help, plus peri menopause.

@julieca So, not to do it?

I really think this is one of those questions only you can answer. Everyone else will have a myriad of opinions for a myriad of reasons. Fwiw, I don't think it's too old but I wouldn't want to do it.

However, at 44 I would have a 21 year old and a 10 year old and certainly won't want to go back to nappies at that age, especially with already having a big age gap between my two children. Your situation is completely different!

On an unrelated but similar note, we have quite a few embryos left from IVF and I feel really sad that we probably won't use any of them so that might also factor into any decision too

I would go for it.

You would always wonder what if, otherwise.

Very best of luck

Also, my dad was 40 when I was born. He is now a fit and healthy 76 year old, but I am very conscious of the fact he probably won't be around much longer. I don't wish he hadn't had me though

Absolutely go for it, if that’s what you want to do. I have more energy at 45 than I did at 35. It’s all in the mind.

My DP's mother was 43 when she had him (an only child). He had a lovely childhood, and his parents have always been in a good financial standing to help him out with uni etc. They're in their early 70s now, still fit and active, and we all have a great relationship. We expect them to be around for a long time yet.

My parents had me in their early 30s and my dad died when I was 21 (and my youngest sibling was 16) so I don't personally believe there's much point dwelling on that aspect.

My Granny had her last one at 45, that was in 1960. Everything was fine.

Personally, I wish I'd have gone for it when I had the chance. I'm learning to deal with my choices but if I could turn the clock back I'd absolutely have a baby in my mid forties.

Just to say, in the past 15-year-olds were in full-time work. The mothering element of older kids was way easier than now.