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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

At age 44

246 replies

Slimfastshady · 29/10/2021 22:06

Is it too old to have a baby?

I have two embryos left from ivf, had my miracle Dd at 40. Was hoping to go for the embryo implant sooner, but covid hit etc etc,

I feel this is it, last chance or not and I need to make a decision.

*If successful, baby would be born when I’m 44.

Please be honest, am I too old now?

OP posts:
Inanun2 · 30/10/2021 00:04

Good luck you, I would try it if I were you , you have nothing to lose.

thatgingergirl · 30/10/2021 00:07

Slimfastshady - I mean that school leaving age is now 18 and retirement age is 66/67. The "rule" I had set myself was not to be retirement age with a child still at school.

JedEye · 30/10/2021 00:08

Don’t look back and wish you had done it. Go for it, if it works out it was meant to be.

BurntO · 30/10/2021 00:08

It’s a personal choice. I can’t any imagine changing nappies in my 40s! Bu many can’t imagine that stage in their 20s which is how I lived. There is no reason you can’t do it at your age. It’s about if you want to.

thatgingergirl · 30/10/2021 00:12

Posted too soon!
I guess my actual cut off would have been 46 in any event.

CatWithARabbit · 30/10/2021 00:14

I was tired - but who isn't ! I always wanted to be married and have children so when it finally happened I was so happy. I slept when she slept - and she was a bad sleeper. Menopause stuff wasn't too bad but I have an outdoor job so that helped. You already have one so they will grow together - don't stress about the later years - menopause and teens never entered my head- I was so grateful to have her. We did try for a second but had to give up hope after 18 months and two miscarriages. I wish you all the best !

BootsScootsAndToots · 30/10/2021 00:16

A pp said it's not about age, but about family dynamics and in your situation, I'd 100% try.

Parenting DC is hard and exhausting at any age. I laugh at those going I'm 44 with teenagers and wouldn't want to be doing this in my 50s.

Well of course not! We would all say I hope I'm not dealing with the same shit in another 10 years time!

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 30/10/2021 00:17

I wouldn’t want to start again at 43 (my age now) but then my kids are 13 and 7 (8 in the New Year) so I feel I’ve done that bit. The first ones wear you out so you don’t feel like more, but you’re still at such an early stage I’m sure it’ll be fine.

PrinnyPree · 30/10/2021 00:17

I'm 39 with a 1 year old and fit as a fiddle and see myself fit at 44 my Mum is still fit and active at 76.

It's totally down to you OP, if I decided I wanted another child I wouldn't worry too much about being 44 as long as I thought I would be fit enough until they reached adulthood (however that may be quite an ablist attitude, I guess as long as you can provide a stable and caring home for your child that's all anyone can ask for) . A 65 year old with a 21 year old child doesn't seem like a big deal to me. :)

julieca · 30/10/2021 00:20

39 is still pretty young!

Rachie1973 · 30/10/2021 00:23

I’m 48 and raising my 1 and 2 year old grandchildren.

I’ve had the younger one from birth.

It’s been really hard, I won’t lie. The sleepless nights and terrible 2s are exhausting, however I do find I am somehow calmer and more patient than I was when I had my own children in my late teens/early 20s.

I think if it’s something you really want then you’ll cope admirably, but you have to really want it xx

Saoirse82 · 30/10/2021 00:23

My cousin had her first at 40 and second at 44, both natural. I think its kept her young, shes 58 now and easily looks 10 plus years younger, she wouldn't look out of place with the other mums. I say go for it & good luck. Im having my first any day now and I'm 39 Grin.

MrFlippersPancake · 30/10/2021 00:24

Go for it

musicviking1 · 30/10/2021 00:35

I don't see how dealing with teens is any harder in your 60s - I would think it all depends on the teen. My 14 year old is a breeze.

nanbread · 30/10/2021 00:40

In my heart I'd like another baby, but think I'm too old / tired and worry a lot about increased complications due to age as well, and I'm a couple of years younger.

Mamanyt · 30/10/2021 00:47

How do you feel? Alive? Vibrant? Energetic? GO FOR IT!

Half-dead? Rundown and colorless? Sluggish? Rethink this.

44 would have been far too old for me, but isn't for many women.

beckymum · 30/10/2021 00:48

I had dc6 at nearly 45. I didn't feel too old and I love him to bits. As do his siblings.
I certainly say, go for it. It may not work anyway (I don't mean that nastily... I had 2 x ivf and 1 embryo transfer that didn't work 😢😢) Better that than wondering what if ? In 10 years' time xx

Secondsop · 30/10/2021 00:53

I had my 3rd baby at 44, last year. I’ve now just turned 46 and last night I was up with my 7 year old who was sick and tonight my little one has continued her habit of a midnight poo and wedging herself horizontally across the bed and crying, and I won’t lie, it was exhausting, but - not markedly more so than when I had my other children at 37 and 38. I just get on with it and I’m lucky that she’s a good sleeper and my older ones are able to help a bit. I’m conscious I’ve got teens plus early-years coming up and whilst I’m reasonably active and manage a successful busy life and career I’m not what I would call fit as a fiddle, but so far we’re managing, and my husband is 4 years younger and does all the “kicking a ball around in the garden” stuff. If it feels right to you, do it. My last pregnancy was a huge surprise as I thought I was well past it and I had issues like GD in pregnancy but the baby is healthy and wonderful and I do find parenting a lot easier 3rd time around.

julieca · 30/10/2021 00:55

@musicviking1

I don't see how dealing with teens is any harder in your 60s - I would think it all depends on the teen. My 14 year old is a breeze.
Are you anywhere near this age?
Ruthietuthie · 30/10/2021 01:15

My goodness!!! All these people writing as if mid-forties (or even mid-fifties with a teen) is ANCIENT. It really isn't.
I honestly don't feel any different from when I was 25. I've always needed lots of sleep and don't imagine I would have coped any better with sleepless nights when I was in my twenties. Yes, I was tired with a new baby at 40, but not noticeably more tired than younger friends.

It just seems peculiar to me, so very arbitrary, to say that because you might not be alive when your child is 40 (40!!!!) that you shouldn't do it. No-one wants to lose a parent, but why 40???

OP, give it a go. Really. And don't let anyone make you feel judged for it.

julieca · 30/10/2021 01:16

Are you mid-fifties?

Dita73 · 30/10/2021 01:20

I think if you’re mentally and physically up to going through the treatment then I’d say let fate decide if you’re too old and go for it. I don’t think you’re too old and you’ll always wonder “what if” if you don’t give it a try. Best of luck to you

Sakura7 · 30/10/2021 01:23

@Jasmine11 There's no need for the attitude. Considering potential risks is not doom and gloom, it's being bloody responsible. I'm not saying OP shouldn't do it, just that there are various factors she should weigh up.

Anordinarymum · 30/10/2021 01:40

I would say to go for it if this is what you really want but don't hang about OP!

The answer is 'Yes'

pringlexo · 30/10/2021 02:18

Really tough one because I feel like you will regret it if you don't try now.

However, I am a child of older parents and I absolutely hate it. I feel like I won't get as much time with my parents as others my age will and that honestly kills me every single day. Not a day has gone by when I haven't thought about it and it has affected me for many, many years.

Please don't take offence to this. It is your choice entirely obviously but I couldn't read and not comment my experience from the other side x