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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

At age 44

246 replies

Slimfastshady · 29/10/2021 22:06

Is it too old to have a baby?

I have two embryos left from ivf, had my miracle Dd at 40. Was hoping to go for the embryo implant sooner, but covid hit etc etc,

I feel this is it, last chance or not and I need to make a decision.

*If successful, baby would be born when I’m 44.

Please be honest, am I too old now?

OP posts:
DoesHePlayTheFiddle · 29/10/2021 22:53

My great grandmother was 43 when she had my grandmother, her ninth child, in 1909. Go for it.

aLittleL1fe · 29/10/2021 22:54

I'm 43 and have 2 teenagers, 17 and 14, and I wouldn't want children at this age. When you are young it's kind of OK for things to not be perfect in terms of finances or relationships, because you're still working on those things, and there is hope. At 43 you have to look at what you've already achieved and be pretty sure that things are going to be stable enough for the next 15+ years, gulp!

I also wouldn't want to deal with teenagers at 55+, it's exhausting.

perfectpanda · 29/10/2021 22:54

I had dc3 at 44. No issue with being pregnant or having a baby. I always read people going on about it meaning you have a teen at 60. What you don't often read is that you will have an unreasonable 4 year old when you are going through the menopause. Mind you the menopause might be challenging at any stage of parenting, but throw an over tired reception child in to a bad day and it is tough. I don't regret it though and i know how lucky I am to feel the family is complete.

DrDreReturns · 29/10/2021 22:55

As a counter argument to what I said earlier a friend of mine was brought up by his grandmother (who would have been about 45 when he was born) and it all turned out well. So it obviously can work. I was just expressing my personal preference.

Tombero · 29/10/2021 22:55

Well in an ideal world you’d clearly like another child.
You’re not significantly older than when you had your first.
The embryos are there waiting.
If I were in your position I think I’d have to give it a shot.

Newbabynewhouse · 29/10/2021 22:55

Nope! My mum was 40 when she has me... all was good, I'm 30 now.. just had my first baby I still feel like a child!! I think it depends if you are healthy and young at heart... if you will provide the child with unconditional love and care and look after yourself too for their sake, then all is good xx

blubberyboo · 29/10/2021 22:57

I had all my babies naturally but what did stand out after my 3rd was a sadness that came over me and later I realised that I had had my last baby and would never had more. Every milestone with this baby was a last one. Not a conscious decision, more a realisation and then acceptance.

I don’t think you are there yet because part of you wants this baby so I think you should try. Better than what Ifs of regrets.

Albertinier · 29/10/2021 22:57

It's only a few years. Of course go for it.

Original poster
Slimfastshady · 29/10/2021 22:58

@aLittleL1fe Yes, but you were fortunate enough to have had children young and two children. What if you hadn’t been and all those years were spent trying, would you abandon your wishes at 39/40 plus or earlier?

OP posts:
aLittleL1fe · 29/10/2021 22:58

You don't say whether you're single or in a relationship. If you're single then it's your decision. If in a relationship then would you both be on board and excited about it?

thenewduchessofhastings · 29/10/2021 23:00

No you're not too old.

Are you thinking of using both embryos to see if one implants and potentially have twins or just one and leaving the 2nd for another attempt if the first fails?

If the attempts fail and you have no more children;how would you feel about that?Do you have access to counselling?

Bellie710 · 29/10/2021 23:00

My mum had my sister at 44, not planned and 18 years between us! I think you will probably regret not trying though, good luck x

Landlubber2019 · 29/10/2021 23:01

Personally I wouldn't, i found having 2 young children in my early forties utterly exhausting.

Rainbowshit · 29/10/2021 23:01

I would do it on a heartbeat.

Laiste · 29/10/2021 23:02

@beigebrownblue

Many people say 'it keeps you young' I think that's true.
I agree.

Once they are here you just have to do what needs to be done. You get on with it, you grow with them and you rise to all the occasions. No choice not to.

I would definitely have gone all pipe and slippers (or the female equiv) by now if it weren't for DD4 Grin

The sleepless night stage is the worst IMHO. Once that's all behind you and you're getting enough kip you can really enjoy life with a lovely new little person :)

nc87653 · 29/10/2021 23:02

No, definitely not too old OP, go for it!

I have many friends having IVF babies in their mid-40s. Most recently had a friend give birth 2 months ago to her 3rd baby at 45.

Good luck Thanks

Tuirseach · 29/10/2021 23:02

I don't think you're too old! I know quite a few people whose parents had them in their 40's ( including my dh), & they love to babysit for us now! Personally I think circumstances & environment counts for so much, if you're in good health, financially stable, good relationships and maybe a bit of help on hand for the inevitable sleepless nights, it would be a very lucky child!

Original poster
Slimfastshady · 29/10/2021 23:02

@blubberyboo Yes, I feel scared of that all the time and so sad. I’m so grateful I got to experience it once, I really am and know I’m very lucky our ivf worked, but I also feel sad it may be only once that I’ll have that in my life. My girl is growing up fast now…it all went so quickly

OP posts:
Opalfeet · 29/10/2021 23:02

If I had more money and less risk etc.i would have gone for a third. I'm 43 now and that wouldn't have stopped me. For lots of reasons though I am done at 2. Second was born at 41.5. Go for it, all the best of luck and hope those embryos implant and grow well.

N0va · 29/10/2021 23:03

I would say if you feel healthy and up for it then go for it, you won't regret having another child but you may deeply regret not having one!

candle18 · 29/10/2021 23:03

If you really want another one I would go for it. I’m 53 and have a 12 year old and fell so lucky to have him.

Ruthietuthie · 29/10/2021 23:04

I am in exactly the same position. First baby via IVF at 40, one egg left.
I am 44 now and will almost definitely not go for it as my marriage has been rocky. But if my husband was on board, I would go for it in a heart-beat.
I think I will always wonder "What could have been..."

Lunaduckdrop · 29/10/2021 23:06

Definitely go for it. Try and keep yourself fit and healthy as you'll need plenty of energy. Women who have their children when younger often end up looking after children (their grandchildren) in their sixties anyway. Children just make you rise to the challenge.

Original poster
Slimfastshady · 29/10/2021 23:07

@aLittleL1fe Married, together since we were 17, he’d be happy whatever I decide.

OP posts:
Kitkat151 · 29/10/2021 23:07

You do what’s right for you.....it’s your choice...I got pregnant easily with all 3 of mine....was all done by 31 ..... it would be easy for me to say ‘no way would I want a baby at 44’ ( because I wouldn’t have)....but I have never walked in your shoes....good luck with whatever you decide 🍀

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