At age 44

[Slimfastshady]

Is it too old to have a baby?

I have two embryos left from ivf, had my miracle Dd at 40. Was hoping to go for the embryo implant sooner, but covid hit etc etc,

I feel this is it, last chance or not and I need to make a decision.

*If successful, baby would be born when I’m 44.

Please be honest, am I too old now?

DrDreReturns

Bear in mind you'll be around 60 when they hit their teens.
I'm 44 and dealing with my teens is exhausting“

I’m 58 and “dealing with” our 18 year old is an awful lot easier than “dealing” with our nearly 27 year old was at the same age.
It all depends on the individuals involved.

@DrDreReturns

Bear in mind you'll be around 60 when they hit their teens. I'm 44 and dealing with my teens is exhausting.

I was 32 when my first became a teenager. If I'd waited until I was 44 to have her, she'd have been equally exhausting, but at least I wouldn't have been so bloody skint and lurching from one temporary job to another in an effort to keep a roof over her head - and I'd have had greater employment protection so would have been less likely to have been 'made redundant' or 'failed your probation because we've just found out you've got a kid ' so many bloody times.

Only you and your partner will know if its right. I'm still TTC number 1 at 43! Multiple losses, 2 rounds of IVF and 12yrs TTC- no issues found!

I know 1 friend who had number 1 age 44, and a cousin who had number 2 age 44 (20yrs apart from her 1st with a different husband). Its not impossible, but everything I read makes be worried about the risks and later on.

Write down your pros and cons and discuss with your partner.

How’s your general health - are you healthy weight, fit etc. Do you have family help or money to throw at it eg nanny or mothers help if you are knackered. Work situation. Positives are eldest will be at school so can rest in day.
A lot of worries re age won’t be relevant as egg to make baby isn’t 44. Best wishes whatever you decide.

@MrsSkylerWhite yes I get that it depends on the individuals involved. For me I wouldn't want to parent a teen in my late 50s / early 60s.

I had my last baby when I had just turned 46. Pregnancy and delivery were straight forward and having been young parents when we had our first in our 20s, we’re enjoying being older more experienced parents now. Definitely don’t feel too old and energy levels are fine!

If you have a four year old then you are already in the intense parenting phase. It's not like your other children are teenagers

Would be too old for me, but it is up to you.
You will be 60 when they are 15 years old and will probably have to work well into your sixties to pay costs for a teenager, they are not cheap.
But plenty do decide to go ahead.

DrDreReturns

@MrsSkylerWhite yes I get that it depends on the individuals involved. For me I wouldn't want to parent a teen in my late 50s / early 60s“

At 58 and 64, we’re thankful that they arrived in the order that they did

Imo, it's too old.

@ISpyCobraKai Why does anyone want a child?

I waited 9 years to have my Dd, I’d love another child, I’d love her to have a sibling.

If we were lucky and it worked, it’s from my embryo at age 39.

Main worries would be how knackered I’d be and the future. Being older as child is a teen etc and not being able to be there for them as long.

If only I’d been able to be pregnant at 30 and had a few along the way

No definitely not to old.

I had my third at 45 and don’t regret it at all. I don’t even need a Zimmer frame to take him to the park!

If you want to go for it then go for it. Good luck!

I'm 44 and I have a 6 month old (and a 7 year old).

Why not have both

You'll have a 4 year old, so it can't really be too old if it was fine 4 years earlier IMO.

If your youngest was 22 or 18 or even 11 (all possible at 44 obviously) it would feel too old.

Sounds illogical but aside from health concerns its life stage and family dynamics that make the most difference IMO.

Some pretty unhelpful comments here from people who seem to have missed that OP has a young child already and so is already going to be parenting well into her 50s - having it all wrapped up by her mid-40s is already off the table.

As to whether to go ahead with a transfer, I don't think its inherently too old. Your embryos were presumably made and frozen at the time you had your daughter, so chromosonal risks etc will be the same as then (did you have your embryos tested at the time?). If your general health still feels good to you and you want a second child then personally I'd go for it. Best of luck!

@Dishwashersaurous A 3 year old

@julieca They’d be 16

43 when i had my 4th DC, but my I had all my younger ones before i was 30. So including DH had 4 lovely and enthusiastic pairs of helping hands in the house.

You'll have a four year old plus new born at 44 OP? If you have help and are healthy then do it. My no.4 is 7 now and is a pure joy to us all :)

I found the pregnancy really took it out of me and it took me nearly 2 years before my energy levels truly got back to normal.

age isn't the only factor so nobody can say if it's the right time for you or not, apart from you.

good luck either way, especially of you decide to go for it

I’d do it. I had DD at 41 (naturally) we can’t afford more but if we could I would (I’m 43.5 and had a scare/chemical recently).
DH is older and he does feel too old at 48 but I don’t.

@Slimfastshady there is a 9-month pregnancy.

Many people say 'it keeps you young'
I think that's true.

@queenatom Frozen at 39, haven’t been tested