At age 44

[Slimfastshady]

Is it too old to have a baby?

I have two embryos left from ivf, had my miracle Dd at 40. Was hoping to go for the embryo implant sooner, but covid hit etc etc,

I feel this is it, last chance or not and I need to make a decision.

*If successful, baby would be born when I’m 44.

Please be honest, am I too old now?

Do it!

I am 42 and done with 2 but I’m sad that I didn’t have kids earlier as would have no. 3 if I had been. But room and cash does not allow for no. 3.

If I was in your position I would definitely try.

Good luck whatever you do xxx

In your circumstances, 100%.

I was in your daughter's position - only child to a mother who had me at 40 - she had a miscarriage after me then decided it was nature telling her she was too old so didn't try again. She regrets it, and I would love a younger sibling. Two family members have had second children at 45 and 46 recently: they're fit and healthy and so are the children.

Given the fact its a 39 year old embyo - well the embryo from a 39 year old - I wouldn't be so concerned about that, though I would do screening like NIPT as I did myself with my second pregnancy at 38. In terms of energy - I do think you have an extra obligation to take care of yourself. My mother really hasn't done that and in her late seventies is much 'older' than her own mother, who also had her in her 40s and lived to her mid-90s in full possession of her faculties and in decent physical shape.

There's a long history - which hugely predates IVF - of women in my family getting pregnant and having their families later. Including a great aunt who had children at 40,42 and 44. She lived into her 90s, her children had happy lives and a great mother.

it may not work, but go for it. You'll regret it otherwise.

@thenewduchessofhastings As lovely as they are, I don’t think I could risk having twins at this age, I really would find that hard wouldn’t I 🙈

One of my colleagues is 45 soon and pregnant! Her other children were born 20 years ago.

I feel done. Had my last baby at 34.

But, if I wasn't, yeah I'd do it at 44.

These threads always leave me a bit 😯.like somehow having two young children at 40 odd is exhausting. I'm not sure why it's more exhausting than being a mum younger- apart from the fact you may be less supported by parents if they are elderly or don't have much support because parents are dead etc. 🤷‍♀️

Also dealing with teenagers when you have the menopause. Like women havent been doing that for years anyway depending on when they go through the menopause of course - can be anywhere from early 40s to mid 50s

I tend to ignore comments like @aLittleL1fe's - not that they aren't well-meant but, as you say, it is very easy to say "better to have them younger" when that's how your life turned out.
For me, I married my husband later because my first husband died. Then we needed IVF. It's very easy to say "should have done it 15 years ago" but what if life doesn't work out like that.
I feel what you describe so strongly - yes, incredibly grateful that IVF worked and that I have this wonderful child, but also sad that I will not get to experience everything - pregnancy, birth, babyhood, nursing, above all loving this particular little person as they grow - again.
Go for it, OP. As the embryo is from 39, there really is very little difference between the first pregnancy at 39-40 and the next one at 43-44.

As a child of older parents, I would say think carefully before you decide to go for it.

Are you and your partner in good health, and are you conscious of looking after your health as you age?

What's your family history like in terms of longevity, illness, etc?

Are you financially secure?

Have you thought about plans for the future in case something happens to you when your child is still young? My dad was 45 when I was born and he developed Alzheimer's when I was in my early 20s. I spent my 20s and early 30s dealing with his care, hospital appointments, nursing homes, etc.

Of course it could all work out wonderfully, but that's much more likely to happen if you plan for all eventualities.

@thenewduchessofhastings I think I’d be ok. I’m of the mindset that it most likely *Won’t happen and am prepared for that. We went through many many failed attempts, miscarriages, ectopic etc. I think I’m prepared

@Landlubber2019 I’ve found one exhausting, but then so have friends in their 30’s and 30’s even, we all seem to say the same

My Dad was 58 when I was born, he died when I was 12, not really because of his age but because he got knocked off his bike. I'm glad to be alive and pleased my mum and dad chose to have me.

It's better to go for it than wonder what could have been. It's as simple as that. Just do it.
Good luck, hope it all works out for you.

If you are financially able and fit then 100% yes I would ...good luck in whatever you choose x

Go for it and good wishes .

If I was you, I'd quit while you are ahead honestly.
It could be long hard journey and so much commitment is needed once it's started.
Then I couldn't handle the what ifs about what could go wrong.

I say this down the line, as a 44 yo and with two,. Second child broke me (v high needs etc, I was sectioned and I'm still in intense MH treatment, and now first is appearing to be asd and an extremely hard teenager. Hidden so well for ages as girls so. And a messy divorce-
Linked up with the issues above.

I'd choose to have one if I was starting from 0. I'd definitely still keep the ones I've got but if I had a clean slate I'd be one and done. Or possibly none at all!

*30’s and 20’s even

Personally yes i think it is too old. But decision is yours.

I am also 44 with 1 grown up DC.
If I had the opportunity then yes I would definitely go for it.
I’d get myself a bit fitter first tho.

@FigureofEight So sorry about your situation.

Did you have them later?

Tricky one. I had my second, naturally conceived, at 43. After 4 miscarriages. When she was born, I felt no older than when I had my first (at 39). Both were c sections and I recovered just as quickly from the second as the first. I didn’t feel my energy levels, in those early baby years, were any different.

At 50, I feel slightly differently. Around 46/47 my energy levels did change and I can’t pretend I have the same vitality or fitness now I had 5 years ago. Equally, I have no health issues and I’m not decrepit! Hard to put my finger on the difference.

Do I wish I hadn’t had her? No. Do I do the maths in my head and find it harder and harder to come to a palatable answer? Sometimes.

I worry about the teenage years, but don’t we all? There is something in the argument that they keep you young. I’m now a single parent which may possibly make the whole enterprise slightly more exhausting. But we rise to what is required of us. I still skip and roller skate and cartwheel with her. I draw the line at headstands.

As with all things in life, there are pros and cons. I’m financially secure and know who I am. But I’m never going to share clothes or go clubbing with her. I’m good with that. I hope she will be too.

Just know that you may feel the same at 45 as you did at 35. I did. But 55 is different. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t do it. Or that you will be a bad parent. Parenthood is largely about sacrifice. Just be honest with yourself about what that is going to look like for you and your partner in the years to come. And be clear sighted about your health and fitness. No reason why you can’t do it, but you do have to be prepared.

Icantrememberthenameoftheartis

I had my third at 45 and don’t regret it at all. I don’t even need a Zimmer frame to take him to the park! “

It’s very funny, isn’t it, what younger people imagine.
I’m fitter and healthier now as a granny in her late 50s than I was as a new mum in her mid-30s.

Go for it, if you are thinking about it its obviously something you want I feel you would regret it if you don't try and use the embryo?

My dad was 41 when I was born, he went grey early and everyone thought he was my grandad, but he's still here and I''m 28 and he's a grandad now. good luck with whatever you choose!

I have a relative who recently had a baby at 46 - although she and her DH did use a donor egg. They are coping wonderfully with parenthood and are very happy with their decision!

I think it would be too old for me, but I come from the privileged place of having had my DC in my late 20's.

In your shoes, knowing that you are managing fine with one DC and have a desire for another child, with embryos ready and waiting - I think you should go for it!

I was 47 having twins (via IVF). I'm now 49, and very tired with juggling the babies and a stressful job. But I don't think I'm any more tired than I would have been in my 30s. It was the best decision I ever made.

I'm also a child of older parents. They were 42 and 43 having me. They're now 91 and 92, very healthy, and adore their youngest grandchildren. Hopefully I'll live to my 90s as well.

My granny (born 1889) was also in her 40s having my mum and her siblings.

In the end, if you were “too old”, it wouldn’t happen, would it?