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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it's weird to share a bed with your 14 year old daughter?

253 replies

shedofdread · 27/10/2021 11:36

I had a friend.

She was a single mum. Her daughter was bullied at school, so she took her out for homeschooling.

In conversation with her one day she mentioned that her and her daughter routinely shared a bed.

I'm sure it was nothing sexual and the girl is well cared for but AIBU to be a bit freaked out by it anyway?

OP posts:
lnsufficientFuns · 27/10/2021 11:37

What, you don’t think a bullied child needs comfort?

I cosleep with mine after a rough day at school

Thesearmsofmine · 27/10/2021 11:39

YABU, what is your actual issue? As long as the daughter has her own space to use if she chooses then what is the problem?
I used to pop into bed with my mum regularly, my dad worked nights and it was nice for both of us to have company sometimes.

Cotswoldmama · 27/10/2021 11:39

YABU I think teens often need more comforting than children.

Justwalkyourfineassoutthedoor · 27/10/2021 11:40

I went away recently for a family event and slept in the same bed as my mum - I’m 34!!

As long as the child is happy with it why shouldn’t they get comfort from sleeping next to a loving parent?

BeMoreHedgehog · 27/10/2021 11:41

You are sure there was nothing sexual in it…

Are you for real? As if that would be your first thought. Or are you wanting lots of people to weigh in with stories about them sharing beds with children?

SnowWhitesSM · 27/10/2021 11:41

I wouldn't like it and would feel weird about it.

I hate sharing a room with my DC though. Dd is 15 and we often watched a film together in bed when I was single but she would go back to her room to sleep after.

Kitkat151 · 27/10/2021 11:42

My friend sleeps in a double bed with her 19 year old ( needs must as they are living at her brothers and he only has 2 bedrooms)....You don’t know people’s circumstances....could be any number of reasons...I’m a ‘bit freaked out’ by your comment ‘I’m sure it was nothing sexual’

PinkyU · 27/10/2021 11:42

Far, far more of the world’s population bed share or co sleep than don’t. How (most) westerners sleep goes against the biological prerogative to gather together for heat, protection and comfort.

FourTeaFallOut · 27/10/2021 11:43

I imagine that if she has been so badly bullied at school that she has been forced into homeschooling, she must be traumatised.

How a parent choses to help her child recover from that is up to them. If this is a way that the kid gets the comfort that they need or prevents them from self harming then that's the strategy she is using - alongside homeschooling.

It really is nothing to do with you though, is it? I notice the past tense on your friendship?

BingosMum · 27/10/2021 11:44

You're sure it was nothing sexual?? I'd still share a bed with my mum/sister/close female friend and I'm 36! Why would it be weird for you?

danni0509 · 27/10/2021 11:44

Says a lot about you if your first thought was a sexual one.

What’s wrong with a mum comforting her daughter who is probably a bit fragile!! (given what you wrote)

I find your comment bizarre actually.

Practicebeingpatient · 27/10/2021 11:45

My SIL slept with one or both of her DD throughout their childhood and teens. Now the girls are in their 20s they still routinely share with their mum or one another. The only time they use their own rooms is of a BF is staying over. Like you I thought it was odd but they are lovely, hard working young women, both very well adjusted with very active social lives so it obviously didn't do them any harm and might have done them some good.

daisypond · 27/10/2021 11:45

Not weird. Normal. Especially after some type of trauma. A female relative of mine regularly shares with her 16-year-old DD after a traumatic event. It’s good for both of them.

furbabymama87 · 27/10/2021 11:46

Depends on the relationship surely. I don't think it would be appropriate if that was the girl's only bed and it was every night. But I think if it's for comfort, watching a film and having a chat in bed and then just staying there overnight, that's fine. It wouldn't jump to the conclusion that it was anything sexual at all unless there were other things that made me think that.

Sillawithans · 27/10/2021 11:48

Not weird at all.

XiCi · 27/10/2021 11:48

The only thing that's weird is your post. Its perfectly normal Youre sure there was nothing sexual? WTAF is wrong with you?

Original poster
shedofdread · 27/10/2021 11:48

@lnsufficientFuns

What, you don’t think a bullied child needs comfort?

I cosleep with mine after a rough day at school

She's been out of school since she was 7. It is just the two of them alone in a medium sized house in the countryside.

It just freaked me out. It feels odd.

OP posts:
GoodnightGrandma · 27/10/2021 11:49

I shared a bed with my mum until I was in my teens.
Dad left us and we had no heating whatsoever.
We kept each other warm and there was less washing to do.
It wasn’t strange to me.

TheUndoingProject · 27/10/2021 11:50

As an occasional thing I think it’s absolutely fine. In situations where it’s become routine, in my view it’s often the parent who wants comfort as much as the child and I don’t thank that’s very healthy/fair.

blubberyboo · 27/10/2021 11:51

Nothing weird there at all except your mind automatically going to “sexual”

Co sleeping is normal. Western ideals of separate sleeping is not normal
People love warmth and comfort and safety

Fadingout · 27/10/2021 11:51

My dd is autistic. She’s nearly 12 and sleeps in with me now due to severe anxiety. It’s a king size bed and she uses the time with me to talk about how she feels and she sleeps well. I don’t see an issue with it.

Sally872 · 27/10/2021 11:52

I think a bed should be provided and available to a 14 year old but nothing wrong with sharing if neither of them mind.

TirednWorried · 27/10/2021 11:52

I'm sure it was nothing sexual

why did you need to put this.I have no words....... so nasty

CremeEggThief · 27/10/2021 11:52

YABU. It's none of your business.

Ionlydomassiveones · 27/10/2021 11:52

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