To think it's weird to share a bed with your 14 year old daughter?

[shedofdread]

I had a friend.

She was a single mum. Her daughter was bullied at school, so she took her out for homeschooling.

In conversation with her one day she mentioned that her and her daughter routinely shared a bed.

I'm sure it was nothing sexual and the girl is well cared for but AIBU to be a bit freaked out by it anyway?

I did this as a young teen. I suffered terrible at school and needed that security at home. I then stopped at about 14. Then when my mum because ill in my late teens she wouldn't sleep alone and me and older sister took turns.

If you share a bed with your husband
Does that mean you’re not “independent”?
@TableFlowerss

I didn’t co sleep with my mum

My sister did, until she was 14.

She married, two children, good job, drives, went to uni

From where I’m standing, she looks independent

Oh, but she does share a bed with her husband. Ah, so no. Not at all independent

@Vbree

You must have a lot of hang ups to find comforting your child strange.

That’s the point, they are well adjusted children with no attachment issues at all. You can comfort a child without having to share a bed every night….. . if a child could only feel ‘comfort’ by sharing a bed I’d say the parents has made a rod for their own back and has done their child a dis service because they (the parent) didn’t didn’t want to loses the apron strings and like feeling ‘needed’……

My friend was recently complaining that her 10 year old no longer wanted to share with her. I was I can't imagine ever wanting to share with a parent at that age.

Wow. Is this a real post?
I never co slept with my babies but now they are children I am happy for them to get into bed with me and husband if they need that closeness and comfort. Don't worry... it's nothing sexual

if my teens are having a hard time, sometimes they want to sleep in my bed. I dont mind. One of these days soon will be the last time they ever do it. Im happy to be there for them if they need me. Teenagers can be really sensitive and deal with so much. If they need their mum then im not going to say no

**Actually, I think you'll find that the evidence suggests that children who have all of their emotional needs met (which this lady is clearly doing) end up more independent and resilient than those who believe we have to force children into independence before they're ready. They know their parents are there when they need them.

From personal experience, my eldest child, who I have
Never co slept with and tried to encourage independence with (because the books said so) is the clingy child who needs constant reassurance and lacks confidence. The three I have co slept with and 'babied' are fiercely independent when they need to be (although still love a mama cuddle!), more resilient and confident at new situations. I wish more than anything I could go back in time and do the same for my eldest**

@thefamous5

Your right, but that research is based on babies and toddlers. If they were securely attached as babies and young children then at 14 they wouldn’t need to sleep with their mam.

@Toddlerteaplease

My friend was recently complaining that her 10 year old no longer wanted to share with her. I was I can't imagine ever wanting to share with a parent at that age.

Me too, don’t think I slept in my parents’ bed past the age of about 6, and even then it was only if I had a nightmare or something and not regularly. I think it is very unusual for a 14 year old to be routinely sleeping with a parent. Most teenagers want their privacy.

Not weird.

@TableFlowerss

**Actually, I think you'll find that the evidence suggests that children who have all of their emotional needs met (which this lady is clearly doing) end up more independent and resilient than those who believe we have to force children into independence before they're ready. They know their parents are there when they need them.

From personal experience, my eldest child, who I have
Never co slept with and tried to encourage independence with (because the books said so) is the clingy child who needs constant reassurance and lacks confidence. The three I have co slept with and 'babied' are fiercely independent when they need to be (although still love a mama cuddle!), more resilient and confident at new situations. I wish more than anything I could go back in time and do the same for my eldest**

@thefamous5

Your right, but that research is based on babies and toddlers. If they were securely attached as babies and young children then at 14 they wouldn’t need to sleep with their mam.

OP hasn't clarified if this is a need , or simply a "this is nice , there's no reason to stop" situation.

@Oftenithinkaboutit

If you share a bed with your husband Does that mean you’re not “independent”? *@TableFlowerss*

1- I’m an adult so it’s not about promoting independence.

2- Most couples sleep together. Most 14 year olds don’t sleep with their parents. One is considered normal and typical the other not so….

I find your way of thinking odd. Really nothing wrong with this unless you have some issues yourself.

@TableFlowerss

I genuinely would love to know whether you think a woman sharing a bed with her husband means she’s not independent

@TableFlowerss

**Actually, I think you'll find that the evidence suggests that children who have all of their emotional needs met (which this lady is clearly doing) end up more independent and resilient than those who believe we have to force children into independence before they're ready. They know their parents are there when they need them.

From personal experience, my eldest child, who I have
Never co slept with and tried to encourage independence with (because the books said so) is the clingy child who needs constant reassurance and lacks confidence. The three I have co slept with and 'babied' are fiercely independent when they need to be (although still love a mama cuddle!), more resilient and confident at new situations. I wish more than anything I could go back in time and do the same for my eldest**

@thefamous5

Your right, but that research is based on babies and toddlers. If they were securely attached as babies and young children then at 14 they wouldn’t need to sleep with their mam.

It doesn't say she needs to sleep with her.

It may be a want. Doesn't make it any less valid.

And it's 'you're'

* One is considered normal and typical the other not so*

Normal and typical

Not words I use regularly with my children.

“They routinely hate a bed”

So clearly the girl is also happy to sleep alone too.

[quote Oftenithinkaboutit]@TableFlowerss

I genuinely would love to know whether you think a woman sharing a bed with her husband means she’s not independent[/quote]
It’s a completely different concept of sleeping together. Husband and wife have a sexual thing generally, as much as anything else and nothing to do with this thread at all. Completely different reasons for sharing a bed for god sake

@TableFlowerss

Why is it normal for one to happen and not? Who makes up these rules about normality? Why is considered abnormal for a child to want to be close to their mom or vice versa? To me, that is more 'normal' than forcing someone to be separate and not get the comfort that they need or want for the sake of normality.

Many married people do not have sexual relations

Especially as they age

Are they not independent?

I don't find it strange. My kids are 12 and 14 and still get in my bed.

“Normal” and typical”
@TableFlowerss

I hope you don’t use these terms with your own children if they perhaps want to do something a bit left field

it depends on the context, whether the daughter is happy with it etc. Since my dad died, if I am staying at my Mums I quite often take her a cuppa first thing and then climb into her bed for a chat. I'm.in my 50s!

My son is 12. I would LOVE him to climb in to bed with me… but no chance!

My younger daughter…. Im always offering and sometimes I get lucky!

What the hell is wrong with you that you think this is weird?

You're the one with the problem not your friend.