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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it's weird to share a bed with your 14 year old daughter?

253 replies

shedofdread · 27/10/2021 11:36

I had a friend.

She was a single mum. Her daughter was bullied at school, so she took her out for homeschooling.

In conversation with her one day she mentioned that her and her daughter routinely shared a bed.

I'm sure it was nothing sexual and the girl is well cared for but AIBU to be a bit freaked out by it anyway?

OP posts:
User527294627 · 27/10/2021 13:25

I think it’s much weirder that you considered there to be something sexual or strange about it. Humans need physical closeness for comfort, security, reassurance, safety - all normal human needs which have nothing to do with sex.

Sprinkles32 · 27/10/2021 13:31

When I was roughly the same age, there were a certain group of girls that enjoyed making my school days a misery. They caused me a lot of anxiety. After a hard day at school of being made to feel very small and insecure, then dreading the thought of going back the next day, getting into my mums bed was the only thing that could make me feel better. I guess it was my ‘safe space.’ I have a 5 year old and a 7 month old and if they ever go through something like I did at school when they are older (I really hope not) I’d gladly let them in my bed if that’s what they wanted and made them feel better.

LadyCampanulaTottington · 27/10/2021 13:34

Oh god OP unclench. You’re the odd one.

HunterHearstHelmsley · 27/10/2021 13:35

YABU.

It's weirder thinking it's weird. That's some fucked up thinking.

AuntMargo · 27/10/2021 13:48

You need to take a good look at yourself!!! You actually mentioned the word sexual, in a completing innocent mother and daughter sleepovers. I slept with my 29yr old daughter for 3 weeks after the birth of her baby boy, she's single mum and needed support. To me you are a very odd woman !!!

Djifunrsn · 27/10/2021 13:52

My and my teen dd had Covid recently and slept in bed together. My teen ds slept in bed with my dh for a while whilst we played musical beds with our dog! There’s nothing wrong with it op.

Rexthesnail · 27/10/2021 13:59

Haven't you posted this exact same thing before???

LucyGrey · 27/10/2021 14:00

When I was 14 I was horrifically bullied and depressed. I often shared a bed with my mum. There was only the two of us as she and my dad divorced when I was 2. I wouldn't think anything of it.

HopeYourHighHorseBucks · 27/10/2021 14:02

I remember after my first serious "heartbreak" at 19 I slept in my DMs bed for about 5 days Grin

I think to consistently sleep with your DC way in to their teens is unusual but I wouldnt judge it, there could be lots of reasons. Me and my DSis would always push our beds together or make little camp beds, we would think nothing of going to our DMs mum bed after a night out and all squashing in there to tell her what we did etc (my now DP at the time found it strange and said he would never think to lay on his mums bed) which I found strange. Its what you're used to I suppose. I don't think my DM would have been pleased if I had decided to permanently move in to her bed though.

Marvellousmadness · 27/10/2021 14:02

I feel like a lot of pp's would sing a different song if this story involved a dad...

mewe3 · 27/10/2021 14:03

I'm 21 and will share a bed with my mum if needed. Same with friends or any female
I'm related to, how is that weird you're just sleeping

HopeYourHighHorseBucks · 27/10/2021 14:07

Also there is a big wide world out there and other cultures co sleep frequently as it is the norm. She might share the same view. I know one side of my family dont understand putting baby in their own room at 6 months and feel it's too young so have done it later on in life. They dont understand the obsession with making children sleep alone. I appreciate the OP is talking about a teen so not exactly the same but people will raise their eyebrows at a parent co sleeping with a 1/2 year old so the judgement starts young IMO.

diamondpony80 · 27/10/2021 14:13

Family members can actually share a bed without anything sexual going on for goodness sake!

We never shared a bed with the kids, even when they were young (unless they were sick). But then I wouldn't really sleep well with 3 in the bed as I need my space.

If it were just me and my daughter, then yeah, why not? Occasionally. We'd both prefer our own space I think though so probably wouldn't happen very often.

The time where your kids are that close to you is short so why not embrace it?

DeborahAnnabel · 27/10/2021 14:16

When my dad went away for work I’d often hop in with my mum.
In fact on the occasion when my mum would go away I’d also hope in with my dad.
As a child/teen.

My pre teen has been sleeping with my husband all week as I am away.

God forbid any of it is “sexual”. Wouldn’t have occurred to any of us.

Bigballer · 27/10/2021 14:19

This reply has been deleted

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Cantstopthewaves · 27/10/2021 14:21

I'll be available and happy for my DD to sleep with me when she is 14 and she needs comforting or just fancies sleeping beside her Mum.
My ds 12 got into bed with me the other morning for a cuddle and a chat.
Should I be worryingHmm

stayathomer · 27/10/2021 14:26

Yes personally I'd think it's unhealthy if regular but just because I think people need to learn to have their own space and night time is something people should learn to navigate

isthismylifenow · 27/10/2021 14:27

It just freaked me out

This post is more weird.

Suzi888 · 27/10/2021 14:28

“It just freaked me out. It feels odd.“ Says more about you, than them. Sorry OP, YABU

isthismylifenow · 27/10/2021 14:28

My dd is 19 and sleeps with me quite often.

How freaked out are you now....

stingofthebutterfly · 27/10/2021 14:29

The only thing odd about this is you thinking it's odd. Humans like company and protection. There's only the two of them in the house. As long as the child has her own bed to go to if she wants to, there's no issue.

I'd rather share with my 13 year old daughter than my husband sometimes, tbh...

Alwayswantedasmegf · 27/10/2021 14:29

Why didn't you just ask your friend?

I think sleeping in your mums bed as an adult as a one off say for instance if it's Christmas time and you stay over at her house is is absolutely fine

But to sleep with your 14 year old consistently is not on. I mean personal space... for a start.

TableFlowerss · 27/10/2021 14:30

Not ready a single reply here as I can’t be bothered with all the shight that goes with this kind of thread.

I agree with you, it’s weird. Unless it’s a needs must and it’s a short term solution due to a house move etc… but other than that then I find it strange.

People arguing it’s totally natural and normal etc…. I bet my house on the fact 99% of 14 years olds that do share a bed with mammy would never share that info with their friends! I wonder why that is?…..!!!

drury7thedition · 27/10/2021 14:32

When my teen is worried about something she a) gets in my bed at night because she doesn’t sleep otherwise b) rereads an old favourite book.

I can’t see an issue. A child seeking comfort/reassurance from a parent.

It’s more weird to think it’s weird imo. A 14 year old is still a child.

HikingforScenery · 27/10/2021 14:38

Sounds like your issues, not theirs.
There’s nothing wrong with their arrangement.
I like my space when I sleep but some prefer close comfort. Why not?