To think it's weird to share a bed with your 14 year old daughter?

[shedofdread]

I had a friend.

She was a single mum. Her daughter was bullied at school, so she took her out for homeschooling.

In conversation with her one day she mentioned that her and her daughter routinely shared a bed.

I'm sure it was nothing sexual and the girl is well cared for but AIBU to be a bit freaked out by it anyway?

I’m always pleasantly surprised with the majority of comments on threads like this. It’s really no one else’s business unless you think there is something sinister, which you have said you don’t,

Nothing wrong with it just will make it harder when DD moves away for uni, or gets a partner or finds her own place.

My dad died when I was 11 (in front of my brother and I). I slept in my mum's bed on and off till I was about 16

There's nothing wrong with a child sharing a bed with a parent

The fact you even mention anything about it being/not being sexual says A LOT more about you than your friend and her daughter

Bizarre thread. I'm another who co-slept with my daughter into her teens. She had a perfectly good bedroom and bed, just preferred to star shape herself across my bed leaving me clinging to the edge with a small corner of the duvet. Happy days 😊

@TableFlowerss

Not ready a single reply here as I can’t be bothered with all the shight that goes with this kind of thread.

I agree with you, it’s weird. Unless it’s a needs must and it’s a short term solution due to a house move etc… but other than that then I find it strange.

People arguing it’s totally natural and normal etc…. I bet my house on the fact 99% of 14 years olds that do share a bed with mammy would never share that info with their friends! I wonder why that is?…..!!!

Because people like you and OP insist it's weird and odd and creepy?

WTAF is wrong with you OP.
Seriously your post has really pissed me off.
You're the weirdo.

@SapereAude

The only thing that's odd is you attaching a sexual meaning to it.

This

Sorry yabu. I have shared with my sisters and my mum growing up (no space for all of us to have separate!) And as an adult have shared with my sister in law (who is a teenager) when I was looking after her whilst her parents worked away. She doesn't like being alone and regularly goes in with my mother in law after my father in law goes to work. Whilst she stayed with me (my husband was away) she climbed in with me and my son, not weird at all. Sometimes children (even big children) need the comfort and security of their adult/caregiver.

Op

You don’t have children

If you plan to, you need to stop with the judgments

Otherwise there is very little chance your children would want to share a bed with you, a mother that is full of judgment.

I shared a bed with my mum in my 50s when we went on holiday together. It never occurred to me it wasn’t normal.

I was friends with a woman. It was really, really intense, like a message every ten minutes from 7:30 in the morning to 11:00 at night.

Unless her real friends turned up in which case radio silence for days.

I ended up severing contact because it was just too much and she'd get offended when I didn't answer.

She had problems with her mental health and needed something no amount of friendship could solve.

She home-educated her daughter and they slept together in the same bed. She's was 13 at the time. I feel sorry for that child, she's going to really struggle as an adult.

Still I am a bit sad. I'm really lonely and I welcomed the contact.

And on another thread… you have a real issue with this, don’t you op?

@FourTeaFallOut

I imagine that if she has been so badly bullied at school that she has been forced into homeschooling, she must be traumatised.

How a parent choses to help her child recover from that is up to them. If this is a way that the kid gets the comfort that they need or prevents them from self harming then that's the strategy she is using - alongside homeschooling.

It really is nothing to do with you though, is it? I notice the past tense on your friendship?

Absolutely this.

The mental outcomes for children who are bullied are actually worse than for those who experience sexual abuse. Don't underestimate the trauma of it.

What’s wrong with sharing a bed with your child? I always sleep next to my children if they are quite ill (flu or bad cough). I like to be able to hear their breathing and check temperatures in the middle of the night.

They also come in to me if they have had a nightmare or feel poorly in the middle of the night. It is a comfort thing I think.

I remember my dad going away to see my uncle overnight once. The best thing was sleeping with my mum.
I was in my 30s with my own house. Sometimes you just can't beat cuddling up with mum. Dd (12) loves sleeping with me. Me, less so 😂

I actually think you're the sick weirdo that you find it weird.

@Oftenithinkaboutit

*I was friends with a woman. It was really, really intense, like a message every ten minutes from 7:30 in the morning to 11:00 at night.*

Unless her real friends turned up in which case radio silence for days.

I ended up severing contact because it was just too much and she'd get offended when I didn't answer.

She had problems with her mental health and needed something no amount of friendship could solve.

She home-educated her daughter and they slept together in the same bed. She's was 13 at the time. I feel sorry for that child, she's going to really struggle as an adult.

Still I am a bit sad. I'm really lonely and I welcomed the contact.

And on another thread… you have a real issue with this, don’t you op?

OP - if you have no safeguarding concerns about the 14 year old (and you have said that you don't) then it's a non issue and none of your business if they choose to share a bed.

I'd still be interested to know what the relevance of "in the country" is.

I find it a bit odd. I wonder if people would have the same view if it was dad and his teenage daughter

Because people like you and OP insist it's weird and odd and creepy

@AccidentallyOnPurpose

It’s not creepy, it just doesn’t promote independence. Different if they’re poorly, or a one off, but all the time is odd imo yes.

Much like the mothers that breast feed until the kid is 5 proclaiming it’s better for child. I suppose some would argue it is but there’s no need to do it and past a certain age it’s considered strange.

Sharing a bed with someone isn’t strange, it’s the fact we’re supposed to help our children to be independent and co sleeping at 14 is trying to keep them young kids for some parents who want to infantile them for as long as possible.

Usually the ones that shout the loudest on here how it’s totally ‘normal’. Bet their 14 year olds wouldn’t shout about it with their class mates though eh!

@shedofdread

I had a friend.

She was a single mum. Her daughter was bullied at school, so she took her out for homeschooling.

In conversation with her one day she mentioned that her and her daughter routinely shared a bed.

I'm sure it was nothing sexual and the girl is well cared for but AIBU to be a bit freaked out by it anyway?

As that former single mum, and also someone who suffered from financial issues where we struggled with housing so had to rent a room through flatshare, I had to share my room with my daughter when she was 14-15 for over a year. At first it was a bit difficult but we both adapted just well and cuddled. No, it was not anything sexual as you sadly mention, but back in the olden days and still in many societies this is rather normal.... On the top side, whoever got up first got the other some breakfast in bed , so we always had that together :)

@TableFlowerss

Guessing you don’t have children either

I’d love to know the spilt on this thread between those supporting op and don’t have children
And those saying that the op is being judgemental and parents

I can’t imagine any parent agreeing with the op

But I can imagine someone without a child thinking this is odd or that it doesn’t “promote independence” nonsense

I remember getting in to my Mum's bed occasionally if I couldn't sleep or wasn't feeling well- probably stopped a little younger than 14 but I don't think it matters. When my parents were in the process of separating she would ask me if I wanted to sleep in her bed, I guess she needed the company at the time!

I think it's far more odd that you've considered whether there's anything sexual to it?!

[quote Oftenithinkaboutit]@TableFlowerss

Guessing you don’t have children either

I’d love to know the spilt on this thread between those supporting op and don’t have children
And those saying that the op is being judgemental and parents

I can’t imagine any parent agreeing with the op

But I can imagine someone without a child thinking this is odd or that it doesn’t “promote independence” nonsense[/quote]
I have got children actually and one a similar age to OP but I don’t know anyone of my friends or family that would encourage their 14 year old to sleep with them.

4? Yes. 14? Not at all.

You must have a lot of hang ups to find comforting your child strange.

My friends son was 15 by the time he stopped sharing a bed with her. He eventually stopped when he wanted to stay up late playing Xbox with his mates in the school holidays.

He's now mid twenties, very well adjusted with a lovely girlfriend, very good job and own house, I don't think it's had any lasting scars

@TableFlowerss

*Because people like you and OP insist it's weird and odd and creepy*

@AccidentallyOnPurpose

It’s not creepy, it just doesn’t promote independence. Different if they’re poorly, or a one off, but all the time is odd imo yes.

Much like the mothers that breast feed until the kid is 5 proclaiming it’s better for child. I suppose some would argue it is but there’s no need to do it and past a certain age it’s considered strange.

Sharing a bed with someone isn’t strange, it’s the fact we’re supposed to help our children to be independent and co sleeping at 14 is trying to keep them young kids for some parents who want to infantile them for as long as possible.

Usually the ones that shout the loudest on here how it’s totally ‘normal’. Bet their 14 year olds wouldn’t shout about it with their class mates though eh!

Actually, I think you'll find that the evidence suggests that children who have all of their emotional needs met (which this lady is clearly doing) end up more independent and resilient than those who believe we have to force children into independence before they're ready. They know their parents are there when they need them.

From personal experience, my eldest child, who I have
Never co slept with and tried to encourage independence with (because the books said so) is the clingy child who needs constant reassurance and lacks confidence. The three I have co slept with and 'babied' are fiercely independent when they need to be (although still love a mama cuddle!), more resilient and confident at new situations. I wish more than anything I could go back in time and do the same for my eldest.