Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it's weird to share a bed with your 14 year old daughter?

253 replies

shedofdread · 27/10/2021 11:36

I had a friend.

She was a single mum. Her daughter was bullied at school, so she took her out for homeschooling.

In conversation with her one day she mentioned that her and her daughter routinely shared a bed.

I'm sure it was nothing sexual and the girl is well cared for but AIBU to be a bit freaked out by it anyway?

OP posts:
HailAdrian · 27/10/2021 12:37

I wouldn't think twice about sharing a bed with 15yo DD if we stayed in a hotel or whatever. However, she'd HATE that, hence I get a twin room if we do. YABU.

'I'm sure it was nothing sexual' was really weird btw.

AmDillDandin · 27/10/2021 12:37

You're the one who sounds like the oddball.

Oddball.

MissJeanBrodiesprime · 27/10/2021 12:38

YABU and yes I think you’re weird to think there is something sexual about it. This potentially says more about you op than about this mother and daughter. You say it “feels odd” - why exactly?

penguinwithasuitcase · 27/10/2021 12:38

@MissJeanBrodiesprime

YABU and yes I think you’re weird to think there is something sexual about it. This potentially says more about you op than about this mother and daughter. You say it “feels odd” - why exactly?
She literally said she DIDN'T think there was anything sexual about it.
GladAllOver · 27/10/2021 12:39

Just too much over thinking and why mention sex?
And why do you mention it's just the two of them in an isolated house? I'd think that would be more reason to share the bed for mutual security.

Dontforgetyourbrolly · 27/10/2021 12:40

You are far weirder to comment that you are sure there's nothing sexual . Are you for real ??

DeireadhFomhair · 27/10/2021 12:41

You say you "had a friend", so I presume that there's a reason she's no longer a friend?
Having two teenagers here, they will barely sit on the same sofa as me so there's no way they'd sleep in a bed!

GaolBhoAlba · 27/10/2021 12:41

@danni0509

Says a lot about you if your first thought was a sexual one.

What’s wrong with a mum comforting her daughter who is probably a bit fragile!! (given what you wrote)

I find your comment bizarre actually.

This!
BowledOverly · 27/10/2021 12:42

@shedofdread I feel a bit sorry for you. My 15yo DD still sometimes sleeps in with me if she’s had a bad day or is feeling upset. It’s being near your mum for comfort. For support.

If you can’t understand that at any age without it making you uncomfortable, I think you have more issues to unpack than you realise.

MissJeanBrodiesprime · 27/10/2021 12:46

@penguinwithasuitcase

she didnt think there was anything sexual. Implies that she considered there was something sexual about it.

foxgoosefinch · 27/10/2021 12:48

My mum had to share a double bed with her grandma until she left home at 19. My aunts on the other side of the family shared a bed until they got married.

My four grandparents all came from working-class families where there were 10+ children in each family (and tiny flats/houses!) Do you think they all had a bed each? Confused

Where/how do you think working class people slept until quite recently? It’s not been normal for most of history to have a bed/bedroom to yourself, and still isn’t the case across large parts of the globe!

penguinwithasuitcase · 27/10/2021 12:50

[quote MissJeanBrodiesprime]@penguinwithasuitcase

she didnt think there was anything sexual. Implies that she considered there was something sexual about it.[/quote]
Exactly, and dismissed it.

Considering something and dismissing it is not the same as thinking that something is true.

And - see my earlier post –there are plenty of us survivors of abuse who DO consider this first and then dismiss it 99% of the time, not because we're 'weird' or 'gross', but because our minds have been forced to think that way.

So all of you lot calling OP names for considering it and dismissing it could do with winding your teeth in.

PaperMonster · 27/10/2021 12:54

Completely normal. Maybe explore your own feelings here, they’re a bit odd.

Butchyrestingface · 27/10/2021 12:55

I'm sure it was nothing sexual and the girl is well cared for but AIBU to be a bit freaked out by it anyway?

You REALLY need to get your mind out of the gutter.

Jesus Christ.

LobsterNapkin · 27/10/2021 12:57

Evereyone having their own bed is a pretty recent phenomena even in western culture. In the past it would have been the well-off that slept that way, everyone else would have shared. And even kids in well-off families might share rooms and beds.

My 14 year old daughter would be inclined to sleep with me a lot of the time if there was room in the bed. And - she's homeschooled too. In the country.

SnowWhitesSM · 27/10/2021 13:04

Its also a pretty recent phenomenon that teenagers have a teenage hood. Before the 1st World War you were a child and then you were an adult with your own family. 14 yr olds were working and having their own babies rather than sleeping with their parents in an extended childhood..

ShrinkingViolet9 · 27/10/2021 13:13

She's been out of school since she was 7. It is just the two of them alone in a medium sized house in the countryside.

It just freaked me out. It feels odd.

What is the relevance of "in the countryside"?

ShrinkingViolet9 · 27/10/2021 13:17

I'm sure it was nothing sexual and the girl is well cared for...

which suggests to me that you have considered both of the above as potential issues - but why?

Hemingwayscats · 27/10/2021 13:17

Why would the thought of sexual abuse even enter your mind? You’re the weird one here. Nothing strange about a Mother and daughter sharing a bed. I last did it when I was 17, I’d just had my DS and I needed my Mum.

JustLyra · 27/10/2021 13:18

You cut her out of your life because of the sleeping arrangements for her “well cared for” child.

She’s had a lucky escape.

SirVixofVixHall · 27/10/2021 13:19

My 14 year old loves to come in with me and often will do if DH is away. If it was just the two of us I think she would probably pop in all the time, so much cosier ! She slept in with us from newborn to quite big even though she had her own bed, she just preferred it. Same with my older dd.
Humans have slept together in family groups since the dawn of us as a species, safety, warmth, affection. Only very recently and in very affluent homes has it been normal for people to sleep alone. I remember reading an article where Germaine Greer said that when she was in India staying with a family one of the children would come in with her because they were so worried she would be lonely sleeping by herself. I thought that was lovely.

OnPaper · 27/10/2021 13:22

My parents divorced when I was around 10 and my dad moved out. From then onwards and until the age of 18 (that's when I left for uni) I slept at the same bed as my mum.

I was terrified of the night and shadows and being alone at night so sleeping next to my mum was comforting and if my mum was away for work I would jump in my grandma's bed. Blush
She lived with us.

Fluffyteal272 · 27/10/2021 13:23

Shame on you OP.

When I was a teen I slept in with my mum for quite a while. I was really poorly with an undiagnosed condition and the fear I felt at night was so dreadful I'd sneak into my mums bed. It gave me comfort and helped me to sleep.

You have no idea what that girl is going through.

Eilatan2018 · 27/10/2021 13:25

@shedofdread

I had a friend.

She was a single mum. Her daughter was bullied at school, so she took her out for homeschooling.

In conversation with her one day she mentioned that her and her daughter routinely shared a bed.

I'm sure it was nothing sexual and the girl is well cared for but AIBU to be a bit freaked out by it anyway?

You said ‘I’m sure it’s nothing sexual’ ffs what a weird insinuation to make! Why even think that? She’s her daughter, so bloody what! Stop being a weird judgemental idiot!
LettertoHermoine · 27/10/2021 13:25

The fact you were "freaked" says so much about you. That lady and her daughter should be doing jumping jacks all over that shared bed that you removed your judgmental self out of their lives.

YOU are the one that is odd.

Swipe left for the next trending thread