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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it's weird to share a bed with your 14 year old daughter?

253 replies

shedofdread · 27/10/2021 11:36

I had a friend.

She was a single mum. Her daughter was bullied at school, so she took her out for homeschooling.

In conversation with her one day she mentioned that her and her daughter routinely shared a bed.

I'm sure it was nothing sexual and the girl is well cared for but AIBU to be a bit freaked out by it anyway?

OP posts:
JohnStonesMissus · 27/10/2021 23:03

TableFlowerss..My children are the same age as the OPs...the OP hasn't mentioned her children's age, just her friends daughter's age Hmm

TableFlowerss · 27/10/2021 23:07

@JohnStonesMissus

TableFlowerss..My children are the same age as the OPs...the OP hasn't mentioned her children's age, just her friends daughter's age Hmm
That’s what I meant….
hugocat · 27/10/2021 23:09

Reading with interest.. my daughter slept in a bed with me until she was 9. However, nobody has answered the question' what if it was the dad sleeping with the child and not the mum?

TableFlowerss · 27/10/2021 23:11

@hugocat

Reading with interest.. my daughter slept in a bed with me until she was 9. However, nobody has answered the question' what if it was the dad sleeping with the child and not the mum?
That would be interesting to see if the responses are the same…..
Thedogscollar · 27/10/2021 23:14

@shedofdread

I had a friend.

She was a single mum. Her daughter was bullied at school, so she took her out for homeschooling.

In conversation with her one day she mentioned that her and her daughter routinely shared a bed.

I'm sure it was nothing sexual and the girl is well cared for but AIBU to be a bit freaked out by it anyway?

I'm more concerned by your last paragraph. What a strange thought to haveHmm
hugocat · 27/10/2021 23:15

[quote thefamous5]@TableFlowerss

How do you know I'm not from the US?

As it is, I'm from Birmingham and we say mom. Idiot.
[/quote]
Yes , I'm from Birmingham too and we do say ' mom' grrr 😡

Anotherbrokenairer · 27/10/2021 23:20

Co-slept when they were little then during childhood into young adult hood they knew they were always welcome. From bullying to traumatic events, sickness, heart ache or hangovers it was a safe place for them for warmth and cuddles or just company.

TableFlowerss · 27/10/2021 23:21

Yes , I'm from Birmingham too and we do say ' mom' grrr 😡

There was no need for the other poster to add ‘idiot’ at the end though was there…

hugocat · 27/10/2021 23:21

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

hugocat · 27/10/2021 23:22

[quote AccidentallyOnPurpose]@TableFlowerss

Its late appearance in English is curious, but Middle English had mome (mid-13c.) "an aunt; an old woman," also an affectionate term of address for an older woman.
In educated usage, the stress is always on the last syllable. In terms of the recorded appearance of the variant or related words in English, mama is from 1707, mum is from 1823, mummy in this sense from 1839, and mom 1867

You can always try to educate yourself, before you state something as a fact. Just because you don't know something, doesn't mean it's wrong, doesn't exist or it's a spelling mistakes.[/quote]
Seriously Hmm

hulahooper2 · 27/10/2021 23:22

My ddhad a traumatic time as a young adult , divorce , hormones etc and often slept with me anc is a perfectly well adjusted independent adult now , nothing harmful or weird about it

TableFlowerss · 27/10/2021 23:23

Oh fuck off you idiot. I've got a 2.1 English and Linguistics degree and yes 'mom' isn't standard English and it IS American, however I'm from Birmingham and this is what we say here like 'man' in the North

Do you think the world evolves around Birmingham?! It really really doesn’t…. 🤣🤣

AccidentallyOnPurpose · 27/10/2021 23:24

@hugocat

Reading with interest.. my daughter slept in a bed with me until she was 9. However, nobody has answered the question' what if it was the dad sleeping with the child and not the mum?
It can happen and it can be fine.

The main difference is that girls(especially teens but it can start a lot younger) do tend to get embarrassed about their growing/changing bodies around males, including their dads. The majority are fine with their mum and even other females. Some will be with neither which is fine of course, but I doubt they'd want to sleep in bed with their parents if that was the case.

Add in certain involuntary morning male reactions and it can become uncomfortable/awkward for both even if there's nothing wrong per se with it. In my experience girls and dads relationships just seem to naturally evolve into boundaries and privacy. Just like mums and boys often do and just like they evolve differently between boys and dads.

Of course I'm talking about safe,loving,respectful,well adjusted relationships.

FrankButchersDickieBow · 27/10/2021 23:28

My dd is 13 and usually gets in bed with me a couple of times a week.

Me and my sisters took turns of getting in bed with our mum when my dad was on nights.

I don't find it weird at all.

What is weird OP, is your comment about it being nothing 'sexual'.

Get your mind out of the gutter and mind your own beeswax.

hugocat · 27/10/2021 23:28

@TableFlowerss

*Oh fuck off you idiot. I've got a 2.1 English and Linguistics degree and yes 'mom' isn't standard English and it IS American, however I'm from Birmingham and this is what we say here like 'man' in the North*

Do you think the world evolves around Birmingham?! It really really doesn’t…. 🤣🤣

So where are you from? Obviously you have nothing better to do than put down others on an online forum. BORING. Goodnight
hugocat · 27/10/2021 23:30

Edit 'mam'

TableFlowerss · 27/10/2021 23:31

Says you with a degree in Linguistics 😮🥱🥱🥱🥱 Not entirely sure I believe you with your potty mouth.

AccidentallyOnPurpose · 27/10/2021 23:51

@hugocat yea seriously. When someone is stating something as fact , is normally a good idea to check it is a fact and not an opinion. Especially if they're dismissing a whole group of people and their language/regionalisms as american or spelling mistakes.

mummy182822828 · 28/10/2021 05:45

There's nothing wrong with it

BunNcheese · 28/10/2021 06:01

@hugocat

Reading with interest.. my daughter slept in a bed with me until she was 9. However, nobody has answered the question' what if it was the dad sleeping with the child and not the mum?
Girls have periods from as young as 9. Personally I would not allow my 14 year DD to sleep in a bed with her father.
Vbree · 28/10/2021 07:54

BunNCheese why on earth would it make a difference if it was the father and the girl had periods?

thefamous5 · 28/10/2021 08:40

@BunNcheese

Why does a girl having periods mean she can't share a bed with her dad?

Unless you are sexualising the situation? Or insinuating all dads are paedophiles?

authenticforgery · 28/10/2021 08:45

@BunNcheese is your child's father a pedophile then?

LadyCrawley · 28/10/2021 08:48

After a tough day I'll bed share with my 4 and 2 year old, they need comfort. And I imagine I will still want to comfort them when they are older

FinishWhatWeStarted · 28/10/2021 08:50

My 13 year old is struggling a bit at school. Dh is away so last night she asked if she could sleep in with me. Of course I said yes. The same as if my 5 year old needed a bit of reassurance and a cuddle. Nothing weird about it.