To find DH’s view offensive?

[Peanutbutterkid08]

I was discussing with my teenage son about how misogyny was systemic in society and how white straight men have always held privilege. Ds doesn’t really agree with this, he thinks girls and women have an ‘easier time.’
I said just because NAMALT (🙄) doesn’t mean it’s enough for men to just sit back and say not my problem. In the same way I don’t believe it is enough to just not be racist - if you don’t speak up even if not racist yourself you are part of the problem.
DH said - in a sort of patronising and angry voice ‘didn’t realise you were such a feminist sweetheart.’
Then he went onto say to ds ‘they’ll miss us when we’re gone, we hold together society.’ DH is in a high level job and is actively encouraged to recruit women into senior positions which I know he doesn’t agree with. It’s because only 3% of the the senior positions in his company are held by women.
It was the way he said it. So scathing. Now he’s stormed off upstairs.

Your house sounds fun

Why has he stormed off upstairs? Because he didn't agree with what you and DS were discussing, or did you take him up on his comment.

He sounds very patronising and misogynistic. And I don't think much of the society he is holding together where 2 women a week are murdered by men - usually close to them.

I couldn't be with someone who's views differed from my own so much.

Well, now you know what he really thinks. It's not great, is it? Especially how he's pulling in your son to this "us vs them" mentality. I'd suggest a conversation, but he doesn't sound like he'd be open to that.

He said I don’t seem to have a very high opinion of men.
Can’t really argue with that I suppose. I don’t. And as I’ve grown older my opinion lowers. Not on an individual basis but in terms of how they behave on a larger scale and even the ones that are ok don’t actively stand up with women and say this isn’t acceptable.
He’s angry so he’s stormed off.

He's a great dad.

Took one for the team to get his son out of that conversation

It must be a depressing day when you realise that your partner is a massive sexist twat. Sympathies

What a sexist pig ans your sons learning from him,

As the first poster said, fun in your house,

Eeek. How you gonna mention they only held together the bits they power grabbed and excluded women from?!

He sounds like he’s taking it all a bit personally. Does he have a tendency to make everything about him?!

Can you show evidence like this study where 3 women wore a dress that recorded inappropriate touches from strangers in a bar on a night out, 157 unwanted touches in 4 hours

www.iflscience.com/technology/these-dresses-record-groping-because-so-many-men-wont-believe-women/

Then he went onto say to ds ‘they’ll miss us when we’re gone, we hold together society

Why? Where tf does he think "the men" are all going? (Assuming "we" means men... unless he thinks that him and your ds alone hold society together, which is rather big headed). What a weird comment.
Based on his response to what you said he sounds deeply condescending, over sensitive, and not very bright. But I appreciate what you wrote is only a snapshot... is he generally more coherent than that? Is it just this particular issue that turns him into a condescending fool?

Not on an individual basis

But how does that come across when you discuss this with your son when your overarching narrative is that you have a very low opinion of men?

Well your DH just proved your point to your son didn’t he? 😢😡

The crying shame is that the damage is largely already done and your son won’t see it, although one day hopefully he will see the light.

Women will have decades more struggle before attitudes really change

Yeah it’s great 😬😬 I love it in my house. 😩

Yeah your husband is a twunt.
The answer to anyone throwing “feminist” around like it’s an insult is always “yes of course I am, were you expecting me to agree with being suppressed?”

Side note - why do men think feminist is an insult. It’s like calling someone stunningly amazing and beautiful and expecting them to be insulted.

Your son can be somewhat excused bc he’s young and the young have very little life experience. All you can do is guide and signpost to sources that will give him a more critical view and broader understanding of the subject.

Your husband though - he’s clearly a sexist. For me that’s a huge deal breaker.

Why don’t you spend sometime deciding if it’s a deal breaker for you too. Because it’s a long life being stuck with someone who sees you as less than.

For all of the people sarcastically saying it seems fun in OP’s house, do you never discuss serious topics with your family? I think it’s great that OP has these conversations with her son (particularly with a father like that).

Why the sneeriness?

@Peanutbutterkid08

He said I don’t seem to have a very high opinion of men. Can’t really argue with that I suppose. I don’t. And as I’ve grown older my opinion lowers. Not on an individual basis but in terms of how they behave on a larger scale and even the ones that are ok don’t actively stand up with women and say this isn’t acceptable. He’s angry so he’s stormed off.

Well he's done nothing to improve your opinion there, has he.

What 'view' are you upset by? All he said was 'they'll miss us when we're gone'. He didn't express a view, did he?

Side note - why do men think feminist is an insult.

Second side note, why do so few women identify as feminist?

Dinosaur attitudes and misogyny are one thing..... but the anger and storming off?

Anger? Really? Is there more to this...

@girlmom21

What 'view' are you upset by? All he said was 'they'll miss us when we're gone'. He didn't express a view, did he?

Did you deliberately miss out the second past of the sentence?

Part*

I’m upset by the view that he doesn’t believe that women are disadvantaged in anyway at all.
And alongside that he’s now really angry and hugely defensive.
He’s moaned before about having to actively recruit women.

For all of the people sarcastically saying it seems fun in OP’s house, do you never discuss serious topics with your family? I think it’s great that OP has these conversations with her son (particularly with a father like that).

It's not the topic of the conversation, it's the DH & DS reaction. Putting OP down, disrespecting her in her own home, dismissing her views and belittling her. THAT'S the 'fun' bit people are referring to

How did your son react to his dad's outburst?