To find DH’s view offensive?

[Peanutbutterkid08]

I was discussing with my teenage son about how misogyny was systemic in society and how white straight men have always held privilege. Ds doesn’t really agree with this, he thinks girls and women have an ‘easier time.’
I said just because NAMALT (🙄) doesn’t mean it’s enough for men to just sit back and say not my problem. In the same way I don’t believe it is enough to just not be racist - if you don’t speak up even if not racist yourself you are part of the problem.
DH said - in a sort of patronising and angry voice ‘didn’t realise you were such a feminist sweetheart.’
Then he went onto say to ds ‘they’ll miss us when we’re gone, we hold together society.’ DH is in a high level job and is actively encouraged to recruit women into senior positions which I know he doesn’t agree with. It’s because only 3% of the the senior positions in his company are held by women.
It was the way he said it. So scathing. Now he’s stormed off upstairs.

@SpinsForGin Oh didn't mean it was right, just trying to explain the attitude in general.

One thing we can thank Covid for was the increase in workplace flexibility & working from home.

Covid must have a silver lining!

[quote smoko]@SpinsForGin Oh didn't mean it was right, just trying to explain the attitude in general.

One thing we can thank Covid for was the increase in workplace flexibility & working from home.

Covid must have a silver lining![/quote]
I wasn't blaming you!

Although, Covid has been spectacularly shit for women and their career development- specifically mothers.

I couldn’t believe my eyes. They are holding everything together ???? WTF?
I would think that my DH was delirious with just one comment like this, but it wasn’t the only comment your DH has made. But on the other side what could you expect from a Dad who never cooked a meal or changed a nappy. He basically lives in unreal world as it seems.
My sympathies OP, I can’t imagine how you would cope with this further down the line.

When I was in corporate land, anybody who left early to pick up their kids would be frowned upon - men & women.

Oh yes. I remember it well. We have an impaired executive team - Flower leaves at 5.30 on the dot every day! Said by our MD to his secretary as I was getting ready to pick up DS from nursery. In my earshot and clearly intended for my consumption.

Never mind the hours I spent on transatlantic calls after putting DS to bed, or the Saturday and Sunday mornings I would routinely spend at my desk at home in order to catch up with all the extra work on top of the 35 hours I was actually paid for. And I was physically present at the office 9.30 to 5.30 Monday through Friday...

This was over 30 years ago. It seems not much has changed. So depressing.

@Sceptre86

What is the point of your post other than to mouth off? Or is that it, which is fair enough we all need a sound board sometimes? Your dh is an idiot, you chose to marry him and presumably stay with him. Your ds is going that way in terms of his behaviour Why are you surprised? Yes it's great you are addressing this with your son but maybe if you had done so with your dh years earlier your son wouldn't think this is the norm. I'm not sure what you wanted from your post.

@Sceptre86 What's the point of your comment other than to mouth off?

@CatsArePeople

IMHO i never discuss feminism with men. It's just pointless. Even the most agreeable, the most reasonable men are just shit scared of the F-word. And self-proclaimed male feminists are even worse.

I hear ya, @CatsArePeople Similar waves of frustrated exhaustion as emanating from Reni Eddo Lodge's "Why I'm No Longer Talking To White People About Race". www.waterstones.com/book/why-im-no-longer-talking-to-white-people-about-race/reni-eddo-lodge/9781408870587

& don't get me started on the self-proclaimed male feminist, so eager to mansplain my own political & personal beliefs at me. Too often the species is thinly concealed by the trademarked Nice Guy masquerade -
captainawkward.com/2013/11/15/519-my-stalker-has-a-first-name-its-b-a-r-r-y/

$10 bucks says OP doesn't return to explain why she has stayed with the mysogynist.

@Phobiaphobic I'm not sure what your problem with me is. My post was directed at the op and I genuinely wanted to know what she wanted to get from the post. I didn't attack her in anyway. She asked if she was being unreasonable to be upset with her husbands views and I don't think she was but I don't understand why they would come as a surprise to her when he has displayed misogyny during their marriage.

And you married this man?

@FlowerArranger hear you - the countless out of office hours never being recognised, but if you dare pack up at the time your contract says you finish it's frowned upon.

Thankfully work at a company where long hours are frowned upon, though they do seem to appreciate if you put in extra hours when it's needed.

So glad to be out of the culture where staying back late "proves" you're a good worker.

That was mean of your boss to say & likely he said it snidely because he knew that it would be against HR rules to pull you up about leaving at 5.30 ! But commenting that the team was "impaired" for it was skirting around HR rules.

@Speckledhem

Why do women like you get so wound up about stuff. Truly strong women don’t give a stuff about what think

You're so right. All those oppressed women in undeveloped countries are just weak, unlike our superior brand of western female empowerment.

Oh no hold on, that's fascism. You got me confused for a moment there @Speckledhem.

Still, since you are so Truly Strong & all, could you nip into a large UK town, find all the female victims of sex trafficking, & get them released? I'm sure when you explain to the men responsible that they are naughty & need to stop trafficking, they will hear you & comply, because - unlike their victims - you are Truly Strong.

@CatsArePeople - love the username

The man who sexually assaulted me in my sleep identified as a "Male feminist". Am really wary of any man who claims to be a "feminist"

I feel like it's an easy way to get in with women, used as a ploy to seem progressive & interesting to women. Get your guard down. I'm safe with him - he's a feminist! He's one of us!

Although have long thought there could be a new word for feminism - humanism? Something more inclusive I suppose, which doesn't have the longstanding connotations of being anti-men

Not saying feminists are anti-men, but that this is the cliche - the bra burning man hating feminist!

Considering how language culture tends to evolve & gender issues of today, it's interesting there has not yet been another social group created which has a genderless term.

@Peanutbutterkid08

I do work. I just do everything else as well. 🤷🏼‍♀️

So stop.

No discussion, no negotiation.

Just stop. fucking. doing. it.

They will live off takeaways & their laundry will pile up & your house will become a tip.

At that point, hire a cleaner or housekeeper which both you & DH pay for proportionately to your incomes.
If that housekeeper could be male, so much the better ...

@Peanutbutterkid08

You can be skeptical Not but I do work. 30 hours, so I appreciate not full time and it doesn’t pay as much as DH’s work but it is demanding. It just means it’s me sorting out all the school runs / holidays / childcare too.

It doesn't mean anything of the sort OP.

Stop allowing it to.

When DH kicks off about it, let him know it's his turn now, until he has clocked up the several thousand hours of shitwork that would make the tally even between you.

My gosh, OP, who did you marry?

Sounds like both your husband and your son have been swallowing a bunch of red pills.

"Women have it easier"
That's some rhetoric straight from MRA discussion boards. I'd be dropping him just for that. It's so disrespectful.

@Sceptre86

What is the point of your post other than to mouth off? Or is that it, which is fair enough we all need a sound board sometimes? Your dh is an idiot, you chose to marry him and presumably stay with him. Your ds is going that way in terms of his behaviour Why are you surprised? Yes it's great you are addressing this with your son but maybe if you had done so with your dh years earlier your son wouldn't think this is the norm. I'm not sure what you wanted from your post.

Couldn't agree more.

I honestly think that in PSE they need to be teaching this stuff. Not just about sex, but about the day to day of relationships.

And it's an actual emergency that they need to be teaching girls what will happen when a relationship breaks down, so they know that if they give up work to look after a child, they are risking so, SO much, because they'll be entitled to virtually nothing extra for doing so, and that's if they're married. If they're not even married then you'll just get a bare minimum to keep the child, and that's only if you have the child full time - if you accept a 50/50 arrangement on divorce, then you'll get at most, if you're lucky, 3 years of a little extra to get yourself on your feet, and again NOTHING if you aren't married.

Women need to be told that they are totally screwed financially if they stop working to look after children, and I think this either needs to change, or we need to be able to buy insurance policies, or have marriage contracts that make this fairer.

@ChargingBuck

But if OP refuses to do chores, her husband might divorce her.

For whatever reason, putting up & shutting up is her preferred option than being single

The law is on the OP's side that if she chooses to leave, she will not be left destitute

This will mean the husband can complain to the son that evil mummy has taken him to the cleaners as women love to do - but that just makes him an MRA mug for getting married in the first place.

I feel like OP is intentionally avoiding any questions as to why she won't choose to change her situation

I mean, if she is ranting about feminism, she is hardly a meek walllflower right? So what's stopping her from saying "right-o, I'm done with cooking your meals you ungrateful pair of bastards. Enjoy your microwave meals!"

She just keeps coming back acting as though she has no choice in the matter. How is this an example of feminism? She has choices, but seems like she prefers to pretend that she doesn't?

Otherwise instead of being angry at men you'd just be angry with yourself for your decades of inaction. It sounds like she is blaming men for being a slave - it's 2021, if you don't want to do all the housework, don't do it!

Unless there are issues of abuse & she is fearful of husband? But then if so, why be ranting about feminism in front of a man you know to be a mysogynist?

There must be some emotional or financial payoff for staying. My guess is OP is in love with the house, which is why she does all the domestic duties grudgingly. It's the house she is in love with, is my bet.

I see a lot of women on here worried to leave because they will lose their lovely detatched property & have to move into (shock horror) a flat

Flats are often described on here as being "pokey" - in other countries flats are very common & not an issue of class like they seem to be there.....

I say it's the house because she's mentioned the husband has a well paying corporate job & we know she works too now, so likely a lovely looking home is the financial clincher which keeps her there.

I could be completely off base, but her avoidance of responding is telling.

But if OP refuses to do chores, her husband might divorce her.

Almost an ideal outcome then hey @smoko?

Only improved by OP getting in first - all the proverbial ducks in a row & asset list lodged with shit hot lawyer before DH has a chance to take to the fainting couch over having no clean pants to put on ...

@ChargingBuck

Without the OP to come back & clear up the mystery as to why she is unable or unwilling to change her behaviour, am left to wildly speculate

The "fainting couch"