to be annoyed DH is going on a stag weekend to Amsterdam?

[JinglyJangly]

DH is going on a stag weekend after Christmas to Amsterdam and too be honest, I am not too happy about it. I have heard what really goes on and why men go there, i.e. sex shops, brothels, live sex shows etc.

The blokes he is going with are a bunch of knobs. I have heard the majority of them frequent these types of places (only from what DH has said).

DH went on a stag weekend to Edinburgh a few years back and the guy who's stag party it was, was well up for visiting a brothel and guess what? he is going on the stag weekend to Amsterdam .

AIBU to be annoyed about him going? I am feeling a bit down in the dumps today and keep thinking all sorts about what they will get up too.

Whatever happened to guys going for a few beers at the local? It seems the norm for stag weekends to be held abroad nowadays. WHY is that?

I just shudder when I remember a tale my ex boyfriend told me of when he lived in the far east. A group of his male friends, all very successful, all in long term relationships, all "nice" guys went off for a lads golf holiday. Or thats what they told their girlfriends. He stayed behind with the girlfriends as he knew what they were getting up to and wasnt into it. The guys spent the whole weekend in a brothel not playing golf. He was there when the girlfriends took the "missing you" phone calls. He then got calls from the men saying what they were really doing. The women didnt have a clue.

Found that deeply depressing. Sympathise with OP but guess you cant stop an adult doing what they want to do.

Elizabeth - It does bother me that the women are probably being traficked from eastern europe.

When I was backpacking around Italy, I met a Polish girl in Rome who was crying her eyes out one night, she told me that her boss who was a bar manager, (she was a waitress) had given her an ultimatum that she either works as a lap dancer come escort (posh word for prostitute I reckon) or he would sack her and she would have no choice but to return to Poland where she had no job, no money no nothing.

She was a very attractive girl and was incredibly shy and I felt so sorry for her. That thought always sticks in my mind. I am sure a high % of the ladies of the night are from eastern europe and forced into the sex trade. It is very .

People keep complaining about how this is about a lack of trust, how about the lack of respect on behalf of the DP/DHs towards their partners and wives when they go to places like Amsterdam or Prague?

These places are notorious, if you don't know that you are either naive or in denial. I think it's completely disrepectful for a man in a relationship to go on a boys' weekend to one of these places. It's just throwing the sex aspect of a stag weekend in their partners' faces. To demand trust on top of that seems a bit much to me.

I mean someone is having sex with the thousands of prostitutes in Amsterdam, and given that most prosituted women report that their clients are very often married it seems likely that a few of them are some woman's husband.

The women on here are in denial.

That's a very sad story, JinglyJangly. And not at all uncommon.

Doesn't stop men using prostitutes though.

I also don't think the man you know and love is the same guy who goes away with his mates on stag weekends. You get them all together withoout a female babysitter and they are not to be trusted. When I lived in Amsterdam you would see loads of these groups using the services of the prostitutes.

of course there's lack of respect. I'd consider the future of my relationship

cestlavie, your post of 17:17 made me REALLY LAUGH.
If the 'wifey' doesn't want to go.
No problem, I'll go.
You describe it perfectly.
COUNT ME IN !!!!!!!

I think I better stop posting.
JJ you are either very very badly in denial, or stupid.
How many times do you need to be told ?
Stag do is not the issue.
YOU DO NOT TRUST YOUR DH.

THIS IS THE UNDERLYING problem.
Hello, can you hear us.
Which bit do you not understand ?

I don't the OP is unreasonable at all. And I do trust my husband. But people are different with a skinful and they do do things they wouldn't normally do.

It doesn't make them untrustworthy, it just means they are fallible human beings.

I MADE my DH go on the stag weekend of a very old friend of mine's husband. DH hates stag nights. He had to travel to Gloucester, it rained, they stole a hat from a Mexican restaurant and then some of the others got into a fight with some locals. He has never really forgiven me for that one and now glares at me if anyone mentions the words stag night.

No Oblomov you are the one that is stupid and/or in denial.

If you are one of the many that said they have no problem with their bloke going to Amsterdam and trust them 100% you are very naive.

Wow, that was a rude post Oblomov. JinglyJangly clearly isn't stupid.

It's not a trust issue it's a total lack of repsect issue on the part of men who think it's OK to go on these types of stag weekends to Amsterdam or Prague and expect their partners to stay at home simpering, "but I trust him".

Thanks Elizabeth. I am glad someone agrees with me. There only seem to be a few of us though which is quite worrying.

Elizabeth - re "most prostituted women in Amsterdam are from overseas (possibly trafficked), many of them will have pimps who will use violence on them to keep them working."

With all due respect, you are only guessing, and your guess is wrong. I did a little research in the Amsterdam system for a paper and talked to quite a few window girls in Red Light District. Because what they are doing is legal, they rent a room and pocket their own money. I spoke to a woman who had a cafe in a southern European tourist town and came to Amsterdam for several months in winter to make money in a place nobody knows her.

This is not forced labour. These women are not 'trafficked' and they don't have pimps because they either work for themselves (in the RLD windows) or are employed by a company (brothel, call girl agency, etc). Remember it's all legal. Therefore, no need for pimps, violence, trafficking etc.

This has to be one of the most bizarre discussions I have ever seen on Mumsnet. I am amazed that, during the time I lived in Amsterdam I did not succumb to shagging a prostitute, given it is apparently mandatory upon visiting that fine city. I have been there numerous times with dh and he hasn't either, but then again he is a special case as he has a testosterone problem so in fairness I cannot generalise.

What do you actually think Amsterdam is like? It is a beautiful, relaxing, wonderful city. Admittedly someone did offer me Viagra on a street corner but that's all part of its local charm.

Amsterdam is not the problem. Amsterdam is lovely. Viva Amsterdam. (And also Prague, although I've never been there, does anywhere else in Eastern Europe qualify for its apparent notoriety? Warsaw?)

I trust DH. But I would not let him go to Amsterdam on a stag do. It is not just a trust issue.

It's a STAG DO they are not there to take in the sights!

If a man really wants to cheat he will, locking him up in a metaphorical cage by not "allowing" him to do certain things is just prolonging an eventuality and you can't do this!

You can't cage people in because you don't approve! Human beings are not possessions and by treating them as such you'll ultimately drive them away.

I find the argument then men are weak in fallible creatures who must be protected from the lure of female wiles a dangerous one. its the 21st century and by perpetuating this idea that men can't help themselves is regressing us back centuries.

It ties in with the notion that women should cover every inch of their flesh in certain cultures because the poor unfortunate men, god bless them won't be able to resist. I find this objectionable too although yes, I would cover up in a Morrocan Souk cos I couldn't cope with the hassle.

This is a relationship issue not an Amsterdam issue (and i know what goes on there I've been 6 times)

CoteDAzur - whether they are trafficked or not it is still downright bloody sleazy and disrespectful to women. I am sure these women are absolutely desperate for doing what they do.

No, I am not stupid JJ.
And I am not in denial.
I have a loving relationship with my dh and I trust him.
Shame you can't say the same.

Re-read the posts. Everyone keeps telling you that the stag do or the place it happens is not the issue. The problem is that you do not trust your dh.
People keep telling you this, AGAIN and AGAIN and AGAIN.
But you have not actually adresssed this issue.

Elizabeth, do you not trust your husband either ?

My DH went there for his stag. Had a blast by all accounts...I trust him 100% and have never wondered if got up to anything.

Without trust you have NOTHING.

I am neither naive nor in denial, JJ and Elizabeth in particular.

Like I've said over and over - Not every man is the same and I trust mine implicitly.

If I didn't then I wouldn't be with him. There are no degrees of trust. It's either there or it isn't and I wouldn't want to live without it.

I go away frequently and the last time I went to London I stayed at a male's house without my OH. Nothing happened between us, even though we got very drunk together and my OH wasn't in the least bit concerned.

Just because you don't want your DH to go out alone because he may be ravished by some crazed woman of the night doesn't mean that the rest of us are loonies if we don't agree.

Motherfunk - I agree that it would be silly to assume that just because they are going to Amsterdam they'd visit a brothel as there are loads of stag dos where they don't I'm sure.

But I read into the OP that it was the track recrod of some of the boys going who do want to visit brothels that was particularly at the heart of this - is that right OP or is it just visiting Amsterdam?