to be annoyed DH is going on a stag weekend to Amsterdam?

[JinglyJangly]

DH is going on a stag weekend after Christmas to Amsterdam and too be honest, I am not too happy about it. I have heard what really goes on and why men go there, i.e. sex shops, brothels, live sex shows etc.

The blokes he is going with are a bunch of knobs. I have heard the majority of them frequent these types of places (only from what DH has said).

DH went on a stag weekend to Edinburgh a few years back and the guy who's stag party it was, was well up for visiting a brothel and guess what? he is going on the stag weekend to Amsterdam .

AIBU to be annoyed about him going? I am feeling a bit down in the dumps today and keep thinking all sorts about what they will get up too.

Whatever happened to guys going for a few beers at the local? It seems the norm for stag weekends to be held abroad nowadays. WHY is that?

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MotherFunk - I have visited Amsterdam (and not just the red light district) and know it has a lot to offer and has beautiful sights, art, architecture, etc but how many times have I got to say this, that 20 guys on a stag do are not interested in this side of Amsterdam.

oh dear ,we are planning to take my mum to Amsterdam for her 80th birthday next April,i do hope she will behave

Motherfunk - I think you are taking the implied criticism of Amsterdam to heart too much. No one is saying the city is just full of hookers and nothing else. That's just not the issue at stake, if we all ignore the word Amsterdam perhaps and focus on the fact these guys want to go to brothels...

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DingDong - Yep IKWYM - I'm sure PILs managed to behave themselves when they were in Prague a few months ago. Though maybe I'd better warn my male married colleague who is going at Xmas... then again he is taking his DW.

I think that some of the posters are doing Amsterdam and Prague a grave disservice. Though personally I have never been, I certainly know people who have been to both cities and have raved about how beautiful they are and the many interesting sights which don't include scantily clad ladies.

cestlavie

Actually, I'll try to be serious. These are amongst the reasons stag weekends go to Amsterdam and Prague.

Amsterdam - lots of cheap flights from airports all around the country; short flight time; cheap accommodation; lots of good clubs; stag-friendly (i.e. bars and clubs will allow in groups of blokes); and probably most importantly, readily available dope.

Prague - relatively cheap flights; very cheap accommodation; incredibly cheap beer, food and clubbing whilst there; very stag-friendly (unfortunately for the poor locals). In essence, one you're there, people have to spend comparatively very little money to have a very good time (i.e. 50p per pint, £1 club entry) which is why places like the Baltics, Slovakia and Poland are increasingly popular for stag weekends. .

I am aware that these don't sound particularly cultural - apologies to those praising those cities, they are gorgeous in their own right - but having been on many, and arranged a couple of stag weekends, those are amongst the key criteria.

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Very well put Lisa.

er, amsterdam is a beautiful, cultured city

the problem is the husband, not Amterda m

No one is saying otherwise pinetreedog.

Chill out!

We went to Amsterdam for our honeymoon.

We wanted somewhere outside of the UK, but not too far travelling, somewhere with a renowned night life but yet easy to get round.

Amsterdam fits the bill.

If i wanted to go there on a Stag my DW would be dead jealous and want to sneak along!

I'm sure your DH will have a great time and will come back to you with many tales of boistrous activities still ringing in his ears.

So is the OP worried only about her DH possibly being unfaithful, or is it still going to be a problem if he just gets drunk, smokes lots of dope, watches some girls dance in a strip club, and passes out on the street?

my pov, I would be very unhappy about it. All the women who say they trust their dh's and know they wouldn't do anything etc etc. Just look at the relationships threads. How many women have found out, to their utmost surprise and horror that their dh cheated on them, and they coud not believe it, not their dh, they had trusted them 100% etc etc.

I agree with lisalisa. No one is infallible. It's asking for trouble. If my dh suggested it, I think I'd have to ask him not to. If he inststed I'd be very unhappy but don't know what I'd then do

Lisa - I consider it "naive" and "ill thought out" to say that "guys" in general are susceptible to a beautiful body, etc. I also take exception to your assumption that the trust we place in our husbands is wrong, and that given the chance they would all be cheating on us, because they just can't help it! They're men! If you feel that way, then you shouldn't allow your husbands to go to pubs, clubs, or possibly even to work, because there are women who will have sex with them for free!

I'm sorry that some of the posters on this board have clearly had bad experiences with men, and feel they cannot be trusted, but don't lump the rest of us in with you.

I would never dream of telling my husband what he was "allowed" and "not allowed" to do, just as I would be horrified if he tried to control my life in that way.

Grow up - the problem is not the venue, it is the relationship. If a man wants to pay for sex he can do it in any city, and I'm positive he could do it where the OP lives.

Lisalisa:

Beer, drugs and partying is almost exactly what they intend. To the eternal shame of men, when presented with an opportunity for a weekend away with a group of guys they choose not to spend it enjoying the vibrant cultural aspects of, for example, Vienna, but instead getting drunk and acting like kids. Mea culpa.

Sadly, the wonderful capitals you refer to are not, shall we say, particularly welcoming to stag groups. Should a stag group wish to pay incredibly expensive hotel bills and food and drink costs whilst being refused entry to anywhere passably decent then Paris or Reyjavik would indeed be ideal but such stag groups tend to be in the minority.

And in terms of being tempted, I imagine those open to be tempted are as likely to find temptation in a club in Blackpool as they are in Amsterdam.

lisa, a lot fo what you say can be interpreted as men being blameless before any temptation whatsoever and women always being the guilty ones. Dangerous stuff.

I think Lisa's post was spot on actually.

And no I don't have a problem with DH getting drunk, smoking dope (he doesn't usually), passing out in the street, seeing women dance naked BUT the rest I don have a problem with.

I'm with you too JinglyJangly.

It's disingenuous for all these people to be saying "oh they could visit a brothel in any city". Most people wouldn't have a clue where to start looking for a brothel in Edinburgh or Paris or wherever but you can find the red light district in Amsterdam in about five minutes. I certainly did the time I visited there - most tourists go for a look, and if they're a crowd of boozed up males with a bad attitude to women they are likely to do a lot more.

Also there's a moral issue, most prostituted women in Amsterdam are from overseas (possibly trafficked), many of them will have pimps who will use violence on them to keep them working. It's a very sad and depressing business. The men who use women like this in my view are pretty much scum.

you think it's spot on that a church leader should never be on his own witrh a woman due to possible sexual temptation?

Just to add, I don't suppose there are many stag weekends to Stockholm, where it is illegal to pay for sex.

Or maybe all these men who are oh so trustworthy when they visit Prague or Amsterdam on stag weekends would be delighted to visit the Northern Venice as they aren't interested in exploiting women when they get together, oh no they aren't.

I just accept I cannot make my dh do anything.

If I couldn't trust him and it really upset me very much, I'd question the future of our relationship