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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be annoyed DH is going on a stag weekend to Amsterdam?

926 replies

JinglyJangly · 10/12/2007 18:57

DH is going on a stag weekend after Christmas to Amsterdam and too be honest, I am not too happy about it. I have heard what really goes on and why men go there, i.e. sex shops, brothels, live sex shows etc.

The blokes he is going with are a bunch of knobs. I have heard the majority of them frequent these types of places (only from what DH has said).

DH went on a stag weekend to Edinburgh a few years back and the guy who's stag party it was, was well up for visiting a brothel and guess what? he is going on the stag weekend to Amsterdam .

AIBU to be annoyed about him going? I am feeling a bit down in the dumps today and keep thinking all sorts about what they will get up too.

Whatever happened to guys going for a few beers at the local? It seems the norm for stag weekends to be held abroad nowadays. WHY is that?

OP posts:
Original poster
JinglyJangly · 11/12/2007 19:13

Oblomov - I think its more a case of your DH has brainwashed you and sweet talked you into believing he only goes to Amsterdam for the sights or/and booze - yeah right .

OP posts:
Original poster
JinglyJangly · 11/12/2007 19:16

EX - its both tbh.

OP posts:
peacelily · 11/12/2007 19:18

i have friends who're astonished that I "allow" my dh to do certain things such as go snowboarding with his mates or go to lapdancing/strip clubs when on a stag do. However they live very controlled and narrow lives goverend by very strict sets of rules and values.

I thought it was hysterical when dh told me about his lapdancing stag do experience ( I think the dancer his mates paid for him to have a dance from was a bit ropey...it was Blackpool!) My friends husband who's not allowed to these venues went home at 11pm while the rest of them stayed out getting wasted and enjoying themselves (far far too wasted to do anything but shout talk nonsense to each other and fall into each other I expect).

I'm sorry but I think that's just bloody ridiculous and I make no apologies for my opinion.

PuppyDogTails · 11/12/2007 19:18

My DP goes away with his mates every couple of years, they've been to Prague, Amsterdam, Hamburg - yes, all the stag night locations. I know that they go to watch nudie ladies, just like they go to drink lots of beer. I can't see the problem - he's not being unfaithful. I also don't see why that's making me naive and brainwashed JJ?

HowTheGibbonStoleChristmas · 11/12/2007 19:19

I think it's sad that you are in a relationship that has that little trust JJ

It really doesn't have to be like that and nor should it.

ExDhsNutsRoastingOnAnOpenFire · 11/12/2007 19:20

Ok JJ let's put it this way, imho, if it were just a stag to Amsterdam I'd say YABU but if it is a stag to Amsterdam where there really is a strong likelihood of all of them going to a brothel and you think that dh would join in then YANBU but then I'd worry about dh being a prat if he didn't have the guts to say no he isn't going.

If I found out dh did go to a brothel he'd certainly be in trouble though!

Original poster
JinglyJangly · 11/12/2007 19:21

peacelily - I suspect you are not in a monogamous relationship?

If you are happy this way then it's fine but I am not.

OP posts:
PuppyDogTails · 11/12/2007 19:22

That's a ridiculous assumption JJ

scorpio1 · 11/12/2007 19:22

I am almost astonished by the use of the word 'allow' in alot of these messages.

Trust is a big issue in this.

Will your DH copy his friends if they do indeed go in a brothel,etc? Could he not decide that he doesn't want to watch it? or maybe (and quite likely) he wants to appear to fit in.

I'm sure if it was a man not allowing his wife to do something on here, questions would be being asked.

This however is just my opinion, i have a very trusting relationship, could leave dp naked with hundreds of porn stars and he would not touch.

peacelily · 11/12/2007 19:23

totally mongamous for 8 whole years I think it's very presumptuous and narrow minded of you to assume that because;

  1. We trust each other and
  2. We're both quite easy going and open minded people

we're off shagging all and sundry!!

I do feel for you tho because it must be awful to live with this kind of anxiety and lack of trust on a daily basis.

Oblomov · 11/12/2007 19:28

JJ, Don't patronise me you obnoxious woman.
I love my husband and trust him.
I am not stupid or naieve and to what lads do. But not all of them, take it that extra step and do something hurtful.
NOT ALL MEN DO THIS
You don't trust yours.
Answer the question.
You don't trust your husband , DO YOU ?

HowTheGibbonStoleChristmas · 11/12/2007 19:28

Oh,I didn't answer you before, sorry.

YABU

Oblomov · 11/12/2007 19:29

Is JJ here just to wind us up ?
Lets encourage her husband to go and sleep with as many people as possible.
That is what she thinks he will do anyway.

mynameisnic · 11/12/2007 19:30

I read up to page 6 of this thread and was so incensed by JinglyJangly's comment that anybody who trusts their dh100% is being naive. That is the most idiotic statement I have ever read on mumsnet (which is saying something!)

Jingly-Jangly - You are very unfortunate not to have experienced a truly loving, honest and respectful relationship.

PuppyDogTails · 11/12/2007 19:30
Smile
Original poster
JinglyJangly · 11/12/2007 19:32

scorpio - it's not a case of 'copying' his mates going to a brothel. My DH get's drunk rather quickly & is easily influenced by others. He seems to just go along with the others - I think he just likes to be popular and keep in with the guys iukwim .

Congrats to the rest of you for having such VERY strong willed men . (supposedly).

OP posts:
Oblomov · 11/12/2007 19:33

I'm with Peacelily.
We have also been togehther 8 years and have never cheated on eachother.

ScottishMummy · 11/12/2007 19:33

JinglyJangly - just cause your man hangs out with a bunch of Neanderthal's, does not make him one too. if he is a good 'un then what have you go to to worry about.

to put the counter view i had the misfortune to go on a work colleague hen night, and is was appalling. they turned up with horrid big pink plastic penises, screaming like harridans, bride kopped off ending up furtling a Chippendale-esque oily boy, then proceeded to go round the club asking strange men for a kiss and flashing her breasts at anyone who would look

honestly, i was squirming with embarrassed horror all night (and im not prudish

pinetreedog · 11/12/2007 19:33

I cannot imagine a relationship where I 'did not let' my partner do certain things and/or where he 'did not let' me do certain thigns. Or rather, I can't imagine it being a very satisfying one.

I just don't have that sort of control over another sdult's life. and I wouldn't want it.

Maybe that's what the big difference in attitudes is here.

pinetreedog · 11/12/2007 19:34

i'm catching up - yeas, what peacelily said

scorpio1 · 11/12/2007 19:35

i think most men (and women) want to be popular and do the same as their friends - no-one wants to be the person waiting outside somewhere whilst everyone goes in beause of something their partner says.

its not that my dp is strong willed. he is normal and wants to do 'boy' things, and is very kind, loving and respectful of me.

Oblomov · 11/12/2007 19:35

We have to feel sorry for someone who is so bitter and twisted. who has such low self esteem. And who is in a realtionship that is meaningless, because there is no trust.
1 , 2 , 3 aaaarrrrrrggg - lets all feel REALLY REALLY sorry for sad case Jingly Jangly.

The woman needs help.

Elizabetth · 11/12/2007 19:37

"i have friends who're astonished that I "allow" my dh to do certain things such as go snowboarding with his mates or go to lapdancing/strip clubs when on a stag do. However they live very controlled and narrow lives goverend by very strict sets of rules and values."

Not believing that it's OK for men to sexually exploit women isn't a narrow set of rules and values. In fact it's very old-fashioned to take a boys will be boys attitude the way a lot of people here.

As for lap-dancing clubs, I can't believe that any woman is really happy about her partner going to a place where a naked women gyrates in her huband's crotch giving him an erection. If he paid a woman to do it for him at a party there'd be an uproar, but because he does it in a club with his pals suddenly it's OK?

Oblomov, I wouldn't trust any man on a stag weekend to Amsterdam, not my partner, not your partner, not anybody's partner. They don't go to visit Ann Frank's house now do they? The level of denial here is striking, only matched by the number of married men who go off to Amsterdam on boys' weekends to pay for sex.

ScottishMummy · 11/12/2007 19:38

nasty unkind post oblomov, who rattled yer cage. potty mouthed comment

scorpio1 · 11/12/2007 19:39

i am NOT in denial of the trust in my relationship.