to be annoyed DH is going on a stag weekend to Amsterdam?

[JinglyJangly]

DH is going on a stag weekend after Christmas to Amsterdam and too be honest, I am not too happy about it. I have heard what really goes on and why men go there, i.e. sex shops, brothels, live sex shows etc.

The blokes he is going with are a bunch of knobs. I have heard the majority of them frequent these types of places (only from what DH has said).

DH went on a stag weekend to Edinburgh a few years back and the guy who's stag party it was, was well up for visiting a brothel and guess what? he is going on the stag weekend to Amsterdam .

AIBU to be annoyed about him going? I am feeling a bit down in the dumps today and keep thinking all sorts about what they will get up too.

Whatever happened to guys going for a few beers at the local? It seems the norm for stag weekends to be held abroad nowadays. WHY is that?

lisalisa: interesting question as to subjective or objective, almost philosophical...! I think though that it has to be subjective as at the end of the day because what happens or doesn't happen is purely and solely down to that individual. Sure there are situations that people could view objectively as being risky but those objective criteria are themselves subjective (e.g. drunk, away from home). Personally (and from having seen it happen) I think there's a lot more risk in people being unfaithful whilst away on business than there is in any other situation.

By Madamez - "someone who has enjoyed a varied sex life with lots of different partners is not someone who is likely to remain monogamous longterm"

So if someone has slept with say 100 people are you saying they are not capable of ever having a monogamous relationship?

madamez, some good points - but i will say, I enjoyed a varied sex life before getting married, i do not want to stray now and i do not resent my dh for 'tying' me down, as i chose to marry him and i chose to end my bed hopping days!

Well I think you need to share a similar outlook for a relationship to work and when you have disagreements trust and understanding come in to play.

bingo rebel

Message withdrawn

My DW has been for a load of hen parties away all over the place including Barcelona.

I never once thought for a second she would be doing anything more worrying than having a great time with her pals.

well if elizabeth and jingly are to be believed eric i think you should be tagging your wife with a tracking device if in fact you are silly enough to TRUST her and let her go away WITHOUT you....

Sorry that was silly and childish, but i am getting very annoyed by all this now.......

Yeah and this sweet talking thing my dp was never any good at that so I can take him on face value

It's just the generalisation that men in general can't be trusted that really offends me.

Like I said before, if it were a post saying someone's husband wasn't letting them go on a hen night, this would be a very different thread.

Why is it OK to say that all men are untrustworthy cheaters, but we are all outraged when men make generalisations about women. I assume JJ, Elizabeth and Lisalisa would all be unmoved if a man were to come on here and say he didn't let his wife drive because women couldn't be trusted behind the wheel of a car?

OK, I know I should just stop reading this thread. I'm sorry that these people have come across men who hurt them, but believe me, I know some women who are worse.

OH MY GOD YOU HAVEN'T GOT A CLUE MOTHERFUNK.

Hey, this shouting thing is good isn't it?

Pimping got so bad in Amsterdam that they have shut down a third of the "legal" brothels there -

link

"Prostitution is legal in the Netherlands, and coffee shops are licensed to sell small amounts of marijuana. But the district is a magnet for petty criminals and, authorities believe, human traffickers, druglords and mobsters ? who take advantage of the situation to launder money.

"Our aim is simple: to get rid of the criminal part of the Red Light District," said Justice Ministry spokesman Wim van der Weegen.

....... Last year, the city used the law to order the closure of one-third of all brothels in the Red Light District who were unable to comply."

Trafficking women for prostitution is also a big problem:

link

AMSTERDAM (Reuters) - The Netherlands launched a campaign on Thursday to fight forced prostitution by urging clients to alert police if they suspect women are being coerced into selling themselves.

Each year about 3,500 women are trafficked to the Netherlands to work in brothels or illegal escort agencies even though the Dutch have thousands of self-employed prostitutes and some of the most liberal sex laws in the world, research shows.

...........Last year Dutch police received more than 600 tip-offs about women who may have been forced into prostitution, and 400 women contacted the Dutch foundation against female trafficking.

"A typical scenario is a woman leaves her country with someone she trusts, expecting to work in a bar or nightclub. But the person turns out to be a trafficker who sells her on to pimps in the Netherlands," a foundation spokeswoman said.

Often they end up trapped in private houses, forbidden to go out alone and regularly beaten and abused, she added.

Harrowing accounts of girls being smuggled into the Netherlands by abusive pimps have stoked public outcry in recent weeks but have done little to dent the huge number of visitors drawn to Dutch red light districts."

Ok can someone please answer me this simple question, the same question I have asked over & over. Why do married men want to go on stag nights to Amsterdam or Prague? Because there have been quite a few women on here that have said that under no circumstances would their partners even entertain the idea.

So why do a high % of married men want to go to these places?

probably to get away from nagging wee wifeys for a couple of days
and because the beers cheap and the craics good

Message withdrawn

to make up for my silly post - apologies girls i am going to try and be diplomatic.

We never going to see eye to eye on this debate me thinks - we not going to get to 800 posts and jingly is going to say "hey you know what, i change my mind, he can go to amsterdam and i will even pack condoms"

The problem with this is that we are all so different (and hence the whole point of MN), one persons gripe will make another person laff (one of my friends cannot abide farting, whereas i think its funny). Generally like minded people get on, people who have different views don't. DH and I are like minded in most things. He likes to go out and get drunk as do i, we sometimes do this together we sometimes don't. He goes away with his mates, i go away with mine. In another relationship this would be unheard of.

Some people don't WANT to go to amsterdam on a stag do and thus their wife/partner would never need come across this dilema and life would be a blur of happiness. The thing is we are all happy in our own ways in our own homes living our own lives.

OP (jingly) asked if she was being unreasonable not wanting DH to go, some said yes, some said no, we all have our reasons one way or the other and they are all valid points when related to YOUR way of life but we can't put our own VIEWS forward as fact.

We have all started to get a wee bit judgmental of each other and have started to think other peoples relationships are wrong because of a, b and c, but fact of the matter is, jingly and her partner are happy people, they married for the right reasons, are together for the right reasons. She had a gripe she wanted to vent about her dh going away, we came forward with our points of view to help her clarify her thoughts, but i think we all got a bit sidetracked with comments of reality checks etc etc.

SO in conclusion - jingly what have you decided!

Message withdrawn

"OK, I know I should just stop reading this thread. I'm sorry that these people have come across men who hurt them, but believe me, I know some women who are worse."

It's a specious comparison. If it was a man who said he didn't want his wife to drive because she was an alcoholic who drove drunk and someone might get hurt, that's would be fair enough and a good comparison.

It's obvious that some married men do go to Amsterdam on stag weekends to have sex with prostitutes. As it's not really possible to tell who will and who won't, it's probably better for men to avoid it completely.

My dh would go because he would like to try the coffee shops - i.e. get stoned legally. He would also like to be with his friends go to some bars and just hang out.

Barring the legally stoned bit, this is all stuff he could do over here. So it kind of ties in with my theory that stag dos have become rather commercial and competitive. But if that's where the stag do was arranged for, and if it tied in with home stuff, then he would go.

He would not go and visit any brothels, though I imagine they would walk through the red-light district. Again - might as well go to London.

He owuld probably not visit the Rijksmuseum or take in the cultural high spots.

JJ: I answered this question several pages back but since you clearly missed it, please allow me to copy and paste rather than type it all out again.

The most ten most popular stag destinations (according to The Buzz) are: Dublin, Edinburgh, Amsterdam, Barcelona, Praque, Tallin, Krakow, Newquay, Riga and Bratislava. These are the reasons that they give for the popularity of, for example, Prague and Amsterdam:

Prague: "Prague is unquestionably the stag party capital of Europe, where the drink is dangerously cheap and the place is friendly and large enough to absorb the influx of stag and hen party weekends. There are plenty of top class restaurants, bars and clubs, and the Czechs are surprisingly welcoming to the hordes of weekend invaders."

Amsterdam: "Only 45 minutes by plane from London, 75 minutes from Birmingham, with return tickets costing as little as £20. It?s probably got a greater concentration of drinking venues than most cities, an excellent reputation for nightlife plus of course decriminalised cannabis. The only downside to Amsterdam is the prices and that it can also be difficult for independent stag party groups to get into some of the clubs."

These are the reasons that stag weekends go to Amsterdam and Prague (and Eastern Europe). Is your question answered now? (Please please please let it be 'yes')

"Aye, I know. I do have a clue, thanks for all that lovely information though. Anyway.. the women in the windows, in the red light district area of Amsterdam, are all legal. And thats what was being referred to."

Actually what you said, and it's all there in black and white, was that there are no pimps and no trafficking in Amsterdam which is complete and utter bullshit. I think I'd go as far as saying it's a delusional claim, MotherFunk.

I was just providing information about what life is really like for many prostituted women in the Netherlands.

Men go on a particular type of stag weekend for the same reason there are Page 3 girls in the sun. Some men like looking at tits. Some of these men will be unfaithful to their partners and some won't. I do not consider looking at breasts to be commiting adultery. Most men are visually oriented and get aroused by naked female bodies. There is nothing wrong with that. Female and male bodies are wonderful things. But the man or woman who touches rather than looks has crossed a line and to me that would indicate existing problems in a relationship.
I swore I wouldn't get involved in this thread but it is getting ridiculous.