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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be annoyed DH is going on a stag weekend to Amsterdam?

926 replies

JinglyJangly · 10/12/2007 18:57

DH is going on a stag weekend after Christmas to Amsterdam and too be honest, I am not too happy about it. I have heard what really goes on and why men go there, i.e. sex shops, brothels, live sex shows etc.

The blokes he is going with are a bunch of knobs. I have heard the majority of them frequent these types of places (only from what DH has said).

DH went on a stag weekend to Edinburgh a few years back and the guy who's stag party it was, was well up for visiting a brothel and guess what? he is going on the stag weekend to Amsterdam .

AIBU to be annoyed about him going? I am feeling a bit down in the dumps today and keep thinking all sorts about what they will get up too.

Whatever happened to guys going for a few beers at the local? It seems the norm for stag weekends to be held abroad nowadays. WHY is that?

OP posts:
Meeely2 · 12/12/2007 15:48

married men are just men underneath it all jingly - they want fun, beer and time with their mates just like you or i do - it shouldn't matter WHERE they want to do that.

MotherFunk · 12/12/2007 15:49

Message withdrawn

Elizabetth · 12/12/2007 15:52

Well I mean men in stag groups not men in other types of groups, meely.

I think it's hilarious how uninformed people are about what goes on on these types of lads' weekends. Although we have had a couple of stories here about male partners who ended up in brothels or having a lap dance, but they didn't do anything, oh no they didn't.

PennyBenjamin · 12/12/2007 15:52

Elizabetth, you have either completely missed my point, or you have made my point for me - or possibly both, I can't decide!

The example you gave would be a specific example of one man whose wife is an alcoholic, saying she can't drive because she might hurt someone - just like saying my husband cheated on me before, so I think he'll cheat on me again.

Whereas my example of a man saying I won't let my wife drive because all women are bad drivers is a generalisation - just like saying no men should go on stag weekends to Amsterdam, because all men are cheaters.

Elizabetth · 12/12/2007 15:53

Oops, that should have been addressed to MotherFunk.

MotherFunk · 12/12/2007 15:53

Message withdrawn

MotherFunk · 12/12/2007 15:54

Message withdrawn

cestlavie · 12/12/2007 15:54

Ah Elizabetth, I shall bow to your superior knowledge of what goes on on stag weekends. I imagine that you've been on many more than the fifteen or so that I've been on and are therefore far better placed than I to comment on them.

MotherFunk · 12/12/2007 15:55

Message withdrawn

Meeely2 · 12/12/2007 15:55

ok i just thought of summutt that may save jingly's dh. Perhaps its not the fact that it's amsterdam thats the reason he wants to go. Maybe he wants to go cos it's a stag do of a mate and he'd be going wherever it was? He might be thinking "shite it's in amsterdam, not that fussed about going there, but hey ho, he's a mate, everyone is going so i'll tag along"? maybe, perhaps, possibly?

Elizabetth · 12/12/2007 15:56

Well it's not a perfect analogy Penny, but it's close enough.

Once again, someone is paying to use all these prostituted women in Amsterdam. Some of the clients are men (married or partnered) on stag weekends from the UK, doing the old "What happens in Amsterdam, stays in Amsterdam" schtick.

I've got to say even if a male partner didn't cheat, the fact that he might be covering up for another man who did would be bad enough.

JinglyJangly is right, the question to answer is why all these men like to have their stag weekends in Amsterdam or Prague and the answer is not a good one and it involves the exploitation of women.

Meeely2 · 12/12/2007 15:58

ok ok, we have managed somehow to let elizabeth onto her soapbox, can we coax her down now please (i distinctly remember a porn thread going on for DAYS with her on it)

The OP wasn't about prostitution legal or otherwise....shall we get back to the point?

chenin · 12/12/2007 15:58

I am amazed at some of the 'views' on here...

Firstly, I feel sooo sorry for men nowadays, they are so emasculated by women, the poor sods can't even go on a boys weekend. JJ is making out these men to be brainless drips tied to their mummy's wife's apron strings. FGS, let men be men! It is important for their masculinity to be able to go on a stag do... get pissed, fall over, act like schoolkids etc.

I would be most interested to know if JJ and all those that agree with her have ever been on a girlie break? I would imagine not, but surely you are both people in your own right. You are married to each other with a bond of trust. You are not living with your mother or father, having to ask permission to go out with your friends.

I could not be in a marriage where I had to ask my husbands permission to see my girlfriends, be it for a shopping day, or a weekend away. I hate to say it, but life is gonna be very boring in years to come if you live in each others pockets now.

Elizabetth · 12/12/2007 16:01

"There are pimps and trafficking everywhere, thats the point Its got nothing to do with Amsterdam, and to suggest that it is in some way worse there (which is definitely not true) because of the legalised prostitution there is a rather strange thing to say."

Give it up MotherFunk. You were talking bollocks like this:

"OH MY GOD

That is unreal, stupid, uneducated and misinformed comments. Can you remember that prostitution is LEGAL in Amsterdam.There are no pimps. There is no trafficking."

I put you right as to the reality of the situation, now you are trying to pretend you didn't say it. If you want to look at stupid, uneducated and misinformed take a look at your own comments.

As for pimping and trafficking being worse because the industry has been legalised, that's completely true - Sweden where paying for sex is illegal does not have the same issues with trafficking and pimps that the Netherlands do.

harleyd · 12/12/2007 16:02

exploitation of women again
twas only a matter of time i guess

Elizabetth · 12/12/2007 16:03

"ok ok, we have managed somehow to let elizabeth onto her soapbox,"

Yeah, it's OK for people to say that prostitution is lovely and isn't it great for those prostitutes in Amsterdam (whose customers never include married/partnered men on stag weekeneds from the UK), but when someone disagrees it's a soapbox.

cestlavie · 12/12/2007 16:03
PennyBenjamin · 12/12/2007 16:04

Elizabetth - you're not going to get any argument on here that pimping and traffiking is bad, but that's not the question. You've moved away from the point.

Elizabetth · 12/12/2007 16:05

"exploitation of women again
twas only a matter of time i guess
"

Yes, women being sold into sex slavery so wankers from the UK can go on their jolly lads weekends is so dull isn't it?

Imagine feeling empathy for them or being angry about what is done to them. Sneering on Mumsnet is so much more fun isn't it?

Meeely2 · 12/12/2007 16:06

elizabeth, please read the OP and tell me where your responses are relevent?

Elizabetth · 12/12/2007 16:08

Meeely, if JinglyJangly wants to tell me I'm off-topic then I'll gladly listen.

I notice you didn't chastise Motherfunk for her bullshit claims which were the start of all this.

Elizabetth · 12/12/2007 16:09

C'estlavie, your list was incomplete. You missed off "paying for sex from a prostitute" which is on some men's lists at least.

YeahBut · 12/12/2007 16:09

As someone who lives in the Netherlands, can I point ouf that Amsterdam is not a seething hub of sin and vice! It is a beautiful and cultured city that has earned an undeserved reputation of seediness because of the behaviour of some tourists. Your average Dutch man or woman is, by nature, very conservative. They have a pragmatic rather than liberal attitude towards sex and soft drugs. They accept that some people want to pay for these things so they would rather control, supervise (and tax) access to them. That's why there is a red light district - so that people who want to gawp or avail themselves of the facilities can do so without it affecting the lives of everyone else.
There are no hordes of hookers at the gates of Schipol airport waiting to pounce on unsuspecting men as soon as the plane lands. Your dh would have to be actively looking to have sex with a prostitute and go out of his way to do so. And he could do that just as easily on a stag do in your own home town. Only he'd be much more likely to pick up a nasty STD there than from the Dutch girls who have their sexual health more closely monitored.

Meeely2 · 12/12/2007 16:09

can i just also add a little comment - women, yes women, the ones with boobs, go to amsterdam too on hen weekends - stick that in yer pipe and smoke it - can we STOP picking on men, PLEASE.

C'estlavie, you can thank me later....

Meeely2 · 12/12/2007 16:11

thank you yeahbut, a normal post