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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be annoyed DH is going on a stag weekend to Amsterdam?

926 replies

JinglyJangly · 10/12/2007 18:57

DH is going on a stag weekend after Christmas to Amsterdam and too be honest, I am not too happy about it. I have heard what really goes on and why men go there, i.e. sex shops, brothels, live sex shows etc.

The blokes he is going with are a bunch of knobs. I have heard the majority of them frequent these types of places (only from what DH has said).

DH went on a stag weekend to Edinburgh a few years back and the guy who's stag party it was, was well up for visiting a brothel and guess what? he is going on the stag weekend to Amsterdam .

AIBU to be annoyed about him going? I am feeling a bit down in the dumps today and keep thinking all sorts about what they will get up too.

Whatever happened to guys going for a few beers at the local? It seems the norm for stag weekends to be held abroad nowadays. WHY is that?

OP posts:
robin3 · 12/12/2007 10:32

Haven't followed this but I think most men would want to go and few would want to decline because their wife didn't approve. Some blokes are seriously in to the sordid stuff but in my experience of hearing endlessly about such weekends from the men at work, it's always the usual suspects in the group that go too far. Some will go along but have boundaries and others get stuck in with no guilt.

I think you kind of know if you've got a controlled bloke or not. Personally i'd have no issue with DP going and I'd be happy at his being in a strip club. Anything beyond looking a nakedness would not be ok however.

harleyd · 12/12/2007 10:42

i find this whole thing bizarre
i go away for weekends with my mates
dh doesnt bat an eyelid
he goes away, and thats also fine

i really dont know how you can tell an adult "no you cant do that because i dont allow you"

Original poster
JinglyJangly · 12/12/2007 11:47

To sum up this thread. I personally don't get why married men would want to go to Amsterdam knowing the type of place it is, by that I mean the brothels/live shows/sex shops etc. The guys DH was going with are not interested in the drugs, so I guess that's not the reason they are going.

I can understand why maybe single guys would want to go there but not married ones. Out of the 20 guys going, only 4 (yes 4) are single.

Like I have already said, you ladies are more trusting that I could ever be, but to those of you that say you know your blokes wouldn't cheat or wouldn't even be tempted I think you need a reality check.

OP posts:
Meeely2 · 12/12/2007 12:05

so to sum up jingly, you think all men WILL cheat given the chance and that NONE of them will say no thanks i'm married? I think you need a reality check.

Meeely2 · 12/12/2007 12:08

so the only way a bloke can prove he will always be faithful is to always be by your side? we should never have to prove our monogomy by saying no to things that may throw temptation in our way, you should have more faith in your relationship that it can withstand times apart and withstand temptation being wafted under both your noses.

goingfrigginchristmascrazy · 12/12/2007 12:09

You need a reality check..you are the one with issues over your dh going away for a silly stag do-the the most he will probably get up to is oogling at a few pairs of tits and then throwing up in a gutter somewhere while trying to find his hotel pissed...

Sounds like a normal night out in the UK tbh..I've seen tons of w*nkered women flash their tits in the streets after pubs kick out and groups of men cheering them on-most are prob married too or in a stag do group

Get over it..you sound completely uptight

DeathBySnooSnoo · 12/12/2007 12:09

'DeathbySNooSnoo: because monogamy is something you're either inclined to, or not. Just like being gay or straight'

do you have scientific evidence to back this up?
its just that i was not monogomosly inclined untill i met my dh,as i hadn't been in love before.

so if someone is born with a possesive/jealous/controlling nature then as long as they state this at the start of a relationship then its ok,no?

i see there have been many repeats of the 'i cant believe some women say they won't allow their husband to do something' shite since last night

i will repeat what i said.my dh can do what he likes,but i would not stay in a relationship with a man who went to a strip club.

EricScrooge · 12/12/2007 12:09

I think you are the one needing a reality check.

That is a ludicrous statement and quite insulting.

There is nothing wrong with looking at the menu - but me and all my pals ALWAYS eat our dinners at home.

Meeely2 · 12/12/2007 12:10

the Right bloke will make the RIGHT choice and the Wrong bloke will make the WRONG choice - i am assuming your dh is the right man for you hence he is your DH, so he will make the Right choice (be it not going in the first place, or going and behaving himself)

Meeely2 · 12/12/2007 12:11

but the point is HE makes those choices, NOT YOU

binklebells · 12/12/2007 12:45

The right bloke can make a wrong choice too at times and vice versa of course

To err is human and all that...

robin3 · 12/12/2007 13:02

Jingly

Crikey you're asking the big male sexuality question but the entire porn industry is the proof that you're not facing the reality. Surely you don't think all the people who use porn are single.

Your logic of 'why would you' is like saying why would anyone want to go on a big dipper or a dangerous expedition. Why do people drink too much, eat too much, have one night stands? The answer in my opinion, is because human beings want to experience stuff and venture in to the unknown.

Perhaps if you're life is very content and happy and you're not a adrenaline type of person then it is difficult for you to recognise that to experience new things and push limits is a basic human nature for some. I'd also add that I know lots of guys at work who would dearly have loved to not go on their 10th stag weekend when it meant sleeping on the streets, dressing up, humiliating yourself, spending a fortune etc. BUT they did because it's part of the male must do and they don't want to be the guy that doesn't go.

rebelmum1 · 12/12/2007 13:08

I wouldn't worry about him going astray unless you have good reason, I think he is or he isn't and you can't worry about that. If he has been faithful two you and you trust him am sure it'd be ok. You have to trust them. I think it's a pain to be honest they go off pay a fortune to get spliced, lose their wallets then come home good for nothing. I mean what's wrong with blackpool? They could be in a pub anywhere. Silly nonsense imho.

lizandlulu · 12/12/2007 13:10

meeely2- sorry i have been out.
he says i 'cant go' but wont give me a good reason why not. im positive he trusts me, i think he is just not so trusting of other men. dont get me wrong, im no supermodel at all, but he worries that something will happen to me and i am too far away for him to come and 'rescue' me. he is quite insecure overall and had recently been put on tablets for depression, so i dont want to push the matter, but feel i should go to prove to him that i will be fine.
as i said very early o at the start, he went to dublin on a stag doo, no problems. i cant see why i cant go. after all i need the break!!

rebelmum1 · 12/12/2007 13:11

You should arrange weekend with the girls as compensation otherwise you will feel resentful, that he's off having the time of his life while your stuck at home, it's unequal.

cestlavie · 12/12/2007 13:13

I also think that's bloody insulting.

I'm a married guy and have been on stag weekends to Amsterdam and Eastern Europe. Neither I or any of the married guys I've been with have come anywhere close to misbehaving on any of these.

Just because you clearly have sod all faith in your DH's ability to keep his dick in his pants DON'T tar all other DH's with the same brush.

lisalisa · 12/12/2007 13:37

Message withdrawn

harleyd · 12/12/2007 13:41

but you cant spend your life saying "no you cant go there/do this" just because you have a worry that they will go out and get pissed and do something
its stupid
everybody has jealousy in them, but you cant let it rule you
if they are going to cheat, theres nothing you can do about it, whether its in the pub down the street, or amsterdam

goingfrigginchristmascrazy · 12/12/2007 13:45

Better lock our husbands up for good and not let them outside just incase of being compromised

Spink · 12/12/2007 13:45

but lisalisa - tho i agree with you about the humanness of making mistakes, I don't think it necessarily follows that in an attempt to prevent that we should stay away from situations where mistakes might happen.. taking your point further, should we all be staying sober, never going out without our dps... and what about work christmas do's? they are so notorious

Meeely2 · 12/12/2007 13:46

lisalisa - yes i appreciate that i totally do - I got wrecked this weekend and puked all over myself in front of my boss who then cleaned me up - i have totally regretted that in the cold light of day, but i before the event i didn't think i was capable of it, so therefore i didn't say, no i won't go just in case i boff on myself.

Who says before getting ready to go out on the town - no i best not go in case i snog someone i shouldn't - we'd never go out!

that seems very far fetched to me that you should just avoid temptaion cos it's ALWAYS there. (theres a fit pharamacist at tesco, but i don't NOT go shopping in case i shag him)

Meeely2 · 12/12/2007 13:48

liz - thanks for replying - you should stand your ground and go on this trip, you are a big girl and can look after yourself and yes you need a break.

lisalisa · 12/12/2007 13:49

Message withdrawn

lisalisa · 12/12/2007 13:52

Message withdrawn

OrmIrian · 12/12/2007 13:53

Bit late but fwiw I wouldn't mind. And I don't think I've ever DH to do anything in our entire life together. And vice versa. Not our place to do that.

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