to be annoyed DH is going on a stag weekend to Amsterdam?

[JinglyJangly]

DH is going on a stag weekend after Christmas to Amsterdam and too be honest, I am not too happy about it. I have heard what really goes on and why men go there, i.e. sex shops, brothels, live sex shows etc.

The blokes he is going with are a bunch of knobs. I have heard the majority of them frequent these types of places (only from what DH has said).

DH went on a stag weekend to Edinburgh a few years back and the guy who's stag party it was, was well up for visiting a brothel and guess what? he is going on the stag weekend to Amsterdam .

AIBU to be annoyed about him going? I am feeling a bit down in the dumps today and keep thinking all sorts about what they will get up too.

Whatever happened to guys going for a few beers at the local? It seems the norm for stag weekends to be held abroad nowadays. WHY is that?

but you can do a piss up in the local every day of the week
its an excuse to get away for a weekends piss up

Without the missus giving them evils! lol

Elizabeth, I think Madamez is just not introducing any moral judgement just making a statement.
Whereas the discussion here tends to say monogamous=good - Not=bad.

I think what she's saying is monogamy is not or everyone. If you are with a partner who clearly is not, it's pointless to try and make him stay. You are only inviting heartache.

Madamez?

I told my DH about this discussion last night, and he said "well, she's bloody naive if she doesn't realise that sort of thing is available in most large British towns".

There are lapdance clubs here in Portsmouth, and apparently a thriving red-light district in Southampton, for example.

If your DH and his mates want to do that sort of thing, they've no need to go to Amsterdam. So you either trust him every time he goes out with them, regardless of location - or you are suspicious every time. That's my view on the whole thing.

I am not naive. I KNOW there are places in the UK with prostitutes, but Amsterdam and Prague are nortorious for IT which means it is far easier to get IT if you want IT.

If my DH & his 20 stag party went to Portsmouth or Southampton, they wouldn't know where to get IT would they? Wheras in Amsterdam it is in your face.

YABU, have you been to Amsterdam yourself? We went for my 30th, and went to the joint shops (or whatever you call them), the red light district, and to a sex show. Did it make us want to have a threesome? No, it was just an eyeopener.

I don't think just because your DH is going to Amsterdam it means he is going to see a prostitute, and you are already married to him so what has happened to trust?

My DH has been to stag weekends / nights, and they have ended up at brothels, but more often than not by that stage they are so drunk they don't let them in, or they only let the stag in (for DH's best friend's stag night they only let him and his dad in!).

YABU, and you will be owed a weekend away too!

"for DH's best friend's stag night they only let him and his dad in!)"

How nice .

They (brothels) make a special arrangement to let the stag in, the weekend before his wedding to the woman he 'loves'? How delightful.

You know, the world seems a much nastier place to me after reading this thread. And it seems unthinkable to me that so many are OK with their OHs being lapdanced, going to sex shows, brothels, etc. Men must be laughing themselves silly that women are so 'liberated' they're queuing up to declare they're OK with it.

do you know how easy it is to get IT in any bar, anywhere if you want IT

i think you are a bit naive tbh

LOL at "IT" - can you not bring yourself to utter the word? SEX!

You really ARE naive (or being deliberately obtuse) if you don't realise that men who want to pay for sex will have very little trouble finding a place. Just by asking the barman, probably! I am fascinated by this vision you have of Amsterdam and Prague though - streets lined with prostitutes, irresistibly luring in the poor men, powerless to escape...

InnAFull - I totally agree with your post.

imo, there is a diffrence between going to a lap dancing club and having a pesronal lapdance. i understand that if i am willing to 'let' my dh go to a lap dancing club, then i run the risk of him having one of these, but i do trust him to not go that far. i dont mind a bit of thing.

sorry ment to mind a bit of looking!!

somehow half my post didnt appear!
i said you cant put lap dancing clubs and sex shows in the same catagory as brothels! surely if a man went into a brothel he would be actually looking to have sex and be unfaithful. whereas men can go into a lapdancing club or sex show, just for the 'entertainment'
even my mum has been to as sex show fgs.

Yes - me and the DW got so mashed one night we couldn't even FIND the red light district.

We thought that was quite an achievement.

I've been to only one lap dancing club in my life on a stag.

I didn't enjoy it that much cos all the girls were cheap little bimbos - but a lot of the others did.

They just had a lot of fun, had a few drinks and went on their merry way.

Nothing happens apart from some ogling and laughter.

Wow. This discussion is still going on huh!

JJ: I really do think that you're getting very stressed about the choice of destination for entirely the wrong reasons. The most ten most popular stag destinations (according to The Buzz) are: Dublin, Edinburgh, Amsterdam, Barcelona, Praque, Tallin, Krakow, Newquay, Riga and Bratislava. These are the reasons that they give for the popularity of, for example, Prague and Amsterdam:

Prague: "Prague is unquestionably the stag party capital of Europe, where the drink is dangerously cheap and the place is friendly and large enough to absorb the influx of stag and hen party weekends. There are plenty of top class restaurants, bars and clubs, and the Czechs are surprisingly welcoming to the hordes of weekend invaders."

Amsterdam: "Only 45 minutes by plane from London, 75 minutes from Birmingham, with return tickets costing as little as £20. It?s probably got a greater concentration of drinking venues than most cities, an excellent reputation for nightlife plus of course decriminalised cannabis. The only downside to Amsterdam is the prices and that it can also be difficult for independent stag party groups to get into some of the clubs."

Let's face it most stag groups don't go abroad for the culture, the usual requirements are somewhere easy to get to, that isn't going to cost the earth, that has great nightlife, cheap beer and which probably offers some exciting daytime adrenalin activities too. Stag groups just DON'T choose somewhere based on the fact that there may more strip clubs than somewhere else. They just don't.

PS. Eric is right about lap dancing/ strip clubs.

Eric can you rally more men from dadsnet and explain to JJ that you can get pissed and pick up any tart any day in any club rather than making out with a prostitute in a window?

Or am I really naive and have too high an opinion of men?

i cannot believe this is still being discussed.

Jingly, if you want a man who doesn't like going on these type of stag do's you marry a man who doesn't like going on these type of stag do's. You don't marry someone who likes that sort of thing and then expect them to stop liking that sort of thing just cos they married you.

have you changed since you got married? have your likes and dislikes changed? You marry someone you trust, you marry someone you share opinions with, you marry someone you LOVE.

I fell in love with DH, we dated, we found stuff out about each other, we got engaged, he arranged his stag do - if at that point i suddenly had issues with this and realised i didn't trust him and that i couldn't cope with him going, yes we probably would have rowed about it i would have been all defiant, "if you love me you won't go" and the wedding would have been off. You can't change a person, they are who they are. Dh loves me and thats what matters, thats the fact that keeps him monogomous - and no I am not niave, it's called trust.

All you realists out there - how can you enjoy life constantly thinking that the minute your dh is out of sight and with people you don't necessarily like they are shagging everything that moves? how is that a better life than mine where i KNOW he isn't shagging everything that moves and he only wants to shag me which is what he will do the minute he gets home!

And if you say "how can i KNOW?" - cos if i didn't KNOW i wouldn't have married him.

I went out with a guy who i loved passionately, together for 5 years - he was my everything, he cheated on me for the entire 5 years, i would never have married him, cos for that entire 5 years i knew what he was capable of, i didn';t trust him but i loved him. Now with dh i realise how different a trusting relationship is and how complete and safe i feel. the minute my ex was out of sight i KNEW what he was doing, even if i had no proof, with dh i just don't feel like that, and it is so fab!

Sorry to waffle, but if you can't be yourself in a marriage and i mean husbands as well as wives, there really is no point.

Can I make a slightly different point?

Imagine if the OP had written "I've been invited on a hen night, and my DH wont allow me to go, in case I sleep with the stripper, because one of my friends once did that".

We would all be on here, ranting and raving about how he can't do that, it's outrageous, you are an independent woman, he can't tell you what to do and how dare he not trust you!

So why can't we apply the same to this man?

Slim:

I think JJ's concern is that the only reason we go on stag weekends to places like Amsterdam is because of the red-light district (not sure why that applies to Prague cos it didn't have one last time I was there) and that therefore all the other guys on the stag weekend will be solely interested in hookers and brothels and that therefore DH may be sucked into this.

I did mention that I actually had my stag weekend in Amsterdam and we managed to get through the weekend without going to any hookers, brothels or sex shows but it doesn't seem to be cutting much ice. I also mentioned that there are a hundred other reasons why you'd go to Amsterdam for a stag weekend but that also appears to be cutting no ice.

But as you say, it's also worth pointing out that of the few guys and girls I know who've been unfaithful, none have been on stag weekends away but rather on random nights out with mates in town or away with work. I'd also add that in the incredibly unlikely event that I went on a stag weekend and everyone said "hey, sod this drinking and dancing fun let's all go visit a brothel and shag some hookers?" I think I'd be inclined to say "Hmmm, incredibly tempting as that is, I may just stay here and smoke a little more dope ta". I mean, seriously, why the bollocks would you go to a brothel just cos some other guys are going?

my dh and i are currently discussing weather he will 'alllow' me to go on a girly weekend to ibiza. it would only be 1 mate for 2 nights. he says i cant go. i want to go. if i end up not going, i wont divorce him or leave our marrige! thats stupid to say there is nothing in a marriage if you cant be yourself.
we have so much else going on in our marriage that i wouldnt even consider laeving him over something so trivial.
yes it would probably continue to be an issue, but not enough of an issue to leave the man i love and who loves me.

if he loves you why can't u go?

oh and liz if it helps you fight your corner, my dh sent me on a girly weekend to italy because i was stressed and needed some time away. It was absolutely fab and i came back completely refreshed.