to be annoyed DH is going on a stag weekend to Amsterdam?

[JinglyJangly]

DH is going on a stag weekend after Christmas to Amsterdam and too be honest, I am not too happy about it. I have heard what really goes on and why men go there, i.e. sex shops, brothels, live sex shows etc.

The blokes he is going with are a bunch of knobs. I have heard the majority of them frequent these types of places (only from what DH has said).

DH went on a stag weekend to Edinburgh a few years back and the guy who's stag party it was, was well up for visiting a brothel and guess what? he is going on the stag weekend to Amsterdam .

AIBU to be annoyed about him going? I am feeling a bit down in the dumps today and keep thinking all sorts about what they will get up too.

Whatever happened to guys going for a few beers at the local? It seems the norm for stag weekends to be held abroad nowadays. WHY is that?

The remaining 11 men stayed in the bar rather than hit the streets BTW.

How on earth do you know that those men are telling you the truth minorityrules

The point is that it takes two to tango, any trips to Amsterdam without Jinglyjangly would have to be with her express consent, the agreement of both parties to a relationship has to be what makes a realtionship work

jj - Getting back to your original question - if you think your dh is likely to have sex when he is in Amsterdam on a stag, YANBU to not want him to go. After all, most women don't want their husband to cheat on them.

But. if you DO think he is likely to have sex there... why is he less likely to have sex behind your back anywhere else? I know other people have asked this but I don't think you've answered... I mean, I get that prostitues may be more accessible in Amsterdam, but it seems a bit of an oversimplification to base your argument just on that??

and JJ - enough with the "majority of prostitutes are from eastern europe... forced into sex" type comments - please. Stick to what you actually know, rather than guesses and generalisations.

Bet you wish you'd never asked now JJ

I haven't got time to read the whole post but did post before when things hadn't gotten so complicated.

I think the trust issue is neither here nor there, for me the real issue is control over someones life.

I just can't get my head round anyone stopping their partner from doing something they really want to do. My relationship doesn't work like that and never will. Just because you are married or in a committed relationship with someone does not mean you have the right to control them and ultimately stopping your dh from going away for a weekend is controlling him and this is damaging to you, to him and your relationship.

Believe me if you control someone who doesn't want to be controlled they will either deceive you or rebel and the reprecussions of both would be really unpleasant.

We make joint decisions

peacedove - What is all that Psychology/Sociology crap you are on about?

OK, I have to confess I am guilty of the crime of "only reading the OP".

I wouldn't be the slightest bit bothered if my DH went to a stag do in Amsterdam because I trust him. I suspect that has already been said by others! If I went to a hen night where all the other girls were single and on the pull (and this has happened) DH would not mind, he knows I am not about to swan off and cop off with someone else just because everyone else does.

OK, will skim thread now.

WOW JingleyJangley, you don't trust your husband AT ALL, do you!

You have made some horrible comments to other posters on this thread, and about men in general - "Congrats to the rest of you for having such VERY strong willed men hmm. (supposedly)." I don't know whether to be irritated or feel extremely sad for you.

My husband spends long periods of time away at sea. Gosh and golly, there are women onboard ships nowadays. He must be shagging them, obviously. Well, I trust him. Does that make me "naive", or him "strong-willed"? No, it makes us a normal, happy, solid family unit.

I know these men are telling truth as they don't gloss over anything else, I am an honorary man in conversations

They will happily discuss every other aspect of their lives, they know I have no issues with discussions of porn or prostitution or casual sex, they know I won't judge them.

They would not hold back information like that, they have no reason to

And the faithful, happy, in love, secure men can be believed to!

If you mean me and my psychology/sociology "crap" I was being a teensy weany bit ironic and sarcastic using the Freud stuff. Thought you might get that.

As for the other stuff yet again you're insulting me with a rude and sweeping generalisation saying I talk crap.

lets just hope neither you or your family ever need any therapeutic support, it obviously wouldn't be very well recieved.

As long as no bodily fluids were exchanged I couldn't give a fig what dp would get up to in Amsterdam although of course he is far too classy to ever go on such a do

My dh is too old to go on stag dos noddy

Some people seem to be of the opinion that all women want monogamous relationships and are thereby entitled to force the man of their choice into being monogamous. Many men are as deeply monogamous by nature as many women: monogamy, like any other sexual preference or orientation, is fairly deeply ingrained in some people. However, not everyone likes or wants a monogamous relationship, but in a culture which repeatedly insists that only monogamous relationships are 'real' or 'proper' relationships, it takes a lot of courage and self knowledge to explain to any prospective partners that monogamy is not on offer and never will be. And to keep saying it to someone who is refusing to listen.. but that is a bit of a digression. You can't force a person to remain monogamous when they don't want to. They will either decieve you, or end the relationship. And someone who is monogamousl will not like being treated as an untrustworthy sheeplike fool just because his/her partner is insecure.

oo-er

Message withdrawn

I don't think that it so much a question of trust- I am sure if my dh went on one of these weekends he would be faithful, but the fact that he wanted to attend such a stupid and vulgar event as stag night in Amsterdam would really lower my opinion of him.

so is mine cam I don't think he's ever been on one.

yay

Can't you just shag him before he goes, pack him some condoms and tell him to have a good time. Your reaction will totally spook him, he'll spend all weekend wondering what is going on with you and forget to shag a stripper

Its not my dh style either noddy my dh really would be looking at the Rembrandts

madamez-why do you always go on about people being 'monogomously inclined' as though it is something that one is born with like being gay or straight?

Sorry but PMSL again

MrsR - what if, for the sake of argument, it was your DH's brother, and the brother's best friend organised the stag - as often happens. Would you still have a lower opinion of your DH? That sounds rather harsh. I know mine has been on stag weekends that he fully expected to be hideous, but he went because the groom wanted him there. Because they are friends.

very good point well made madamez, shame about the snipey remark that followed. I agree monogamy is not for everyone and people should be more open and honest about this rather than sanctiminiously dictating that it's the right and only way.