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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Another football parent calling my son gay boy

480 replies

Porkpiesarespicy · 23/10/2021 15:27

So I guess my AIBU is, do I pull them up on it or just let it go. Week after week they call him gay boy. "Oh there's gay boy I didn't see him" , "well done gay boy good game". You get my gist. I think it's said in jest, but my god it makes my shit itch.
I couldn't give two hoots if he's gay or not as long as he's happy in himself.
Not sure that I would be over reacting to call them out on it next time?? Hence why not I'm here asking you lot...! If so I need help with come backs I'm not quick witted and tend to think oh I should have said after the event.
Also do I call them out or speak to the manager who is friendly with them? Don't want it to be awks but equally want them to know what they are doing is not acceptable (imo anyway)... thoughts please mumsnetters

OP posts:
SkylarFerris · 07/11/2021 08:53

Amy update op?

SkylarFerris · 07/11/2021 08:53

Any

JacquelineCarlyle · 07/11/2021 09:52

The Op updated yesterday @SkylarFerris

HikingforScenery · 08/11/2021 09:43

[quote notanothertakeaway]@RobinRedbreasts

www.thesun.co.uk/fabulous/16532968/tweenage-perm-80s-throwback/

I didn't know perms were a thing, but here's an image (not of OP's son)[/quote]
I’ve seen children with hair like that. I thought it was their natural hair texture. Everyday is a school day.

So are these curls created from using chemicals? Are there no long term effects?

Orchidflower1 · 08/11/2021 09:53

@porkpiesarespicy2 how was the meeting?

porkpiesarespicy2 · 08/11/2021 10:12

[quote Orchidflower1]@porkpiesarespicy2 how was the meeting?[/quote]
So Welfare at the club have spoken to the manager not said it's come from me but have said a complaint has been made about her comments and they need to stop as the club will not tolerate it. She was very quite today so hopefully the message has reached her but I was told I'm not to say anything personally as it could escalate because she's "unsavoury" and to let the club deal with it and follow the official channels. The welfare was hanging around our game today. However we will see at future games if she takes note. Hopefully that is the end of all of her derogatory comments aimed at one she feels like on that day.

Orchidflower1 · 08/11/2021 12:44

Glad there was a positive outcome. Yep definitely stick with the official channels firstly because if she she’s a nasty piece of work you can keep yourself safe but also it will leave a paper trail so if push come to shove and her child has to leave their is evidence.

shrugitoff · 08/11/2021 14:07

@porkpiesarespicy2
So glad she has been " tackled" on her disgusting behaviour.

Glittertwins · 10/11/2021 17:22

@porkpiesarespicy2

So Welfare at the club have spoken to the manager not said it's come from me but have said a complaint has been made about her comments and they need to stop as the club will not tolerate it. She was very quite today so hopefully the message has reached her but I was told I'm not to say anything personally as it could escalate because she's "unsavoury" and to let the club deal with it and follow the official channels. The welfare was hanging around our game today. However we will see at future games if she takes note. Hopefully that is the end of all of her derogatory comments aimed at one she feels like on that day. Thank you all for your support In one way or another X
Only just seen your update here. Hope it is still going okay for you and DS
CaptainMyCaptain · 10/11/2021 17:23

Well done.

334bu · 10/11/2021 17:39

Well done.

Tallisimo · 10/11/2021 17:54

Glad she has been spoken to. Hope it is the end of her unpleasant comments.

Qwertykeys · 11/11/2021 06:44

Yes , pull them up and tell the manager and club safeguard officer. Football should be an all inclusive sport and this kind of behaviour should not be tolerated. If you have no joy report to the FA and have the manager removed .

Qwertykeys · 11/11/2021 06:47

Sorry just read the update , well done hope she keeps quiet from now on

Strugglingtodomybest · 11/11/2021 07:11

Well-done, I think you handled that perfectly.

123becauseicouldntthinkofone · 11/11/2021 15:47

I just dont even know how to put what I am feeling into words other than I am raging for you. I have seen some disgusting things said and done at teens football inc break legs etc. That bitch needs putting in place...count yourself lucky I am not on your team or we would both be kicked off the team...but at least take her down with me ha ha. You could also report Fifa if the coach does nothing about it!!!

porkpiesarespicy2 · 13/11/2021 20:58

@Tallisimo

Glad she has been spoken to. Hope it is the end of her unpleasant comments.
Thank you, time will tell we had no game this week but there is next week so I'm hoping she listens to the welfare. To be fair she (welfare) was horrified about her behaving like this for so long and no one else mentioning it, and not just at the comments aimed at my son. She is vile with some of the things she has said. I've swapped which child I take to football now just so I can be there to report it again if she is silly enough to carry on or to put a stop to it.
porkpiesarespicy2 · 13/11/2021 21:04

@123becauseicouldntthinkofone

I just dont even know how to put what I am feeling into words other than I am raging for you. I have seen some disgusting things said and done at teens football inc break legs etc. That bitch needs putting in place...count yourself lucky I am not on your team or we would both be kicked off the team...but at least take her down with me ha ha. You could also report Fifa if the coach does nothing about it!!!
It's shocking really, She has said nasty stuff to boys who are multi cultural too so she's clearly nasty. I can't believe I'm the only one who has reported her, I mean that's after 3 times of hearing it but apparently it's been going on for months week in week out! I was slated on here for not sticking up for my lad from the first time I heard it, which is fair enough I get that I should have done, - hindsight is wonderful. But there are 9 other parents at the games who could have said hang on a minute! But thankfully the club are taking it serious so let's watch this space...
porkpiesarespicy2 · 19/11/2021 10:30

So another up date... one of her elder sons is gay and she's very accepting of his relationship and supportive, which is great as you should be. I was told perhaps you did over react reporting her, I was told this by another mum with mutual friends.

I just don't know what to think now! Doesn't make it okay does? I am
Actually dreading the game tomorrow because I've been turned in to the bad guy for reporting her.

RatherbeinCanada · 19/11/2021 11:14

As one of her sons is gay she must be aware of the abuse he could have endured yet she is still spouting stuff like that? She has no idea about your son's sexuality and as an adult should know that that isn't appropriate.
Don't feel bad. Your son may shrug it off but it could be a major issue for another child. I would have reported it too.

maudmadrigal · 19/11/2021 11:19

Of course it's a good thing that she is accepting and supportive of her own child. But I don't see that that changes anything at all about her behaviour towards your son (and others). It just isn't relevant to the situation there.

You've done the right thing, and that's just as much the case despite this new information. I hope things go well for you tomorrow. You're not the bad guy, and it sounds like you have the support of the club (as indeed you should).

MadeForThis · 19/11/2021 12:26

Just because she loves her son doesn't mean she can be abusive and bullying towards other peoples sons.

Her words are still vile and disgusting. Her relationship with her son doesn't change that. You did the right thing in reporting it.

porkpiesarespicy2 · 19/11/2021 13:18

Thank you
@MadeForThis @maudmadrigal @RatherbeinCanada
Your comments have made me feel better, I was starting to doubt myself for reporting her, I was made to feel like I was in the wrong. I did say in my opinion that makes her comments worse because she would know how such comments might upset her own son.

ToughTittyWhompus · 19/11/2021 13:35

The Chidi quote from The Good Place is apt here:

“That’s worse. You do understand how that’s worse, right?”

Lumilly · 19/11/2021 13:39

@logsonlogsoff

Well done , OP. The only way we can kick this sort of Crap out of sport and change the culture is to stand up To it at grass roots level. Your bravery has made a difference, and helped not just your son but other children in that club.
It's not just sport, it's still everywhere. You did the right thing for you son and other kids there.