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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Another football parent calling my son gay boy

480 replies

Porkpiesarespicy · 23/10/2021 15:27

So I guess my AIBU is, do I pull them up on it or just let it go. Week after week they call him gay boy. "Oh there's gay boy I didn't see him" , "well done gay boy good game". You get my gist. I think it's said in jest, but my god it makes my shit itch.
I couldn't give two hoots if he's gay or not as long as he's happy in himself.
Not sure that I would be over reacting to call them out on it next time?? Hence why not I'm here asking you lot...! If so I need help with come backs I'm not quick witted and tend to think oh I should have said after the event.
Also do I call them out or speak to the manager who is friendly with them? Don't want it to be awks but equally want them to know what they are doing is not acceptable (imo anyway)... thoughts please mumsnetters

OP posts:
RobinRedbreasts · 25/10/2021 20:44

@iklboo

Your son has a 'perm'?

That's your ONLY concern on this thread?

To be fair I didn't realise it was a 'thing', apparently it is. I asked a colleague at work today and he said lots of lads have the top of their head permed - apparently they are copying some football player. I did not know this. I thought lads stopped having perms at the end of the 70s...
logsonlogsoff · 26/10/2021 08:08

Well done Op -
For
Standing up while others wouldn’t. Your son may not be gay or bi but there will be other kids there who are or are figuring out their sexuality and experiencing this casual homophobia as the norm when it’s absolutely not.

EmeraldShamrock · 26/10/2021 08:18

We're all behind you OP.
I'd love to be a fly on the wall for the conservation.

Ireolu · 26/10/2021 08:27

How an adult can think it is acceptable to address a child that way is beyond me. I am sure you have had lots of advice on how to handle this OP.

iklboo · 26/10/2021 09:26

Even if it wasn't a 'thing' to have a perm, OP's son's hair is his own choice / business and doesn't warrant homophobic abuse. The fact that she is being abused should be the ONLY point of this thread.

notanothertakeaway · 26/10/2021 10:32

@RobinRedbreasts

www.thesun.co.uk/fabulous/16532968/tweenage-perm-80s-throwback/

I didn't know perms were a thing, but here's an image (not of OP's son)

Clandestin · 26/10/2021 10:57

[quote notanothertakeaway]@RobinRedbreasts

www.thesun.co.uk/fabulous/16532968/tweenage-perm-80s-throwback/

I didn't know perms were a thing, but here's an image (not of OP's son)[/quote]
I’ve seen teenage boys with perms quite a lot over the last year or so, but that Sun article claiming they were doing so specifically to look like Timothée Chalamet is hilarious. It’s more ‘Kevin Keegan with shaved back and sides’. Grin

Justilou1 · 26/10/2021 11:08

This new (old) trend reminds me of this craze… I am from Australia so I don’t know if UK shores were blessed with Fido Dido in the 80’s, but they were definitely a thing here.

Another football parent calling my son gay boy
iklboo · 26/10/2021 12:12

Yes, Fido Dido graced our shores. More often called Filo Dildo though 😄

KittenKong · 26/10/2021 12:21

I had a Fido Dido pencil tin for school!

RobinRedbreasts · 26/10/2021 12:45

@iklboo

Even if it wasn't a 'thing' to have a perm, OP's son's hair is his own choice / business and doesn't warrant homophobic abuse. The fact that she is being abused should be the ONLY point of this thread.
Where did I say it was okay to abuse anyone? I was just surprised that a boy had a perm. I didn't think it was necessary to start a new AIBU thread to discuss it. It seems other people thought it was okay to talk about it too...
Whereismumhiding3 · 26/10/2021 18:03

Good luck OP, guessing you're meeting the welfare officer tomorrow, Thursday or Friday this week?

Hope it goes well ; that they take it seriously and stop this woman's homophobic and other abuse & bullying of children that are there to play football

logsonlogsoff · 27/10/2021 08:25

I can believe so many people are getting derailed by the perm! That’s not really what this is about…

logsonlogsoff · 28/10/2021 11:44

Let us know how it goes OP.
As
a coach I can tell you that if it’s not taken seriously by your club/welfare lead then you should email your local FA welfare officer who WILL take it seriously and will
deal with it.
We Recently had to sanction a parent for behaviour and they couldn’t come to the kids games. They broke that by turning up and now the child isn’t playing in the team.

Thataintright · 28/10/2021 11:48

"Are you always so childish?!"

itsgettingwierd · 28/10/2021 11:51

Good luck with meeting.

I do think your son sounds brilliant as well with his response of "I'm not gay but even if I was....."

Let's hope as generations move on we get less and less if this and people call it out more.

That's any type of hate crime language.

littlebilliie · 28/10/2021 11:59

@Porkpiesarespicy

So I guess my AIBU is, do I pull them up on it or just let it go. Week after week they call him gay boy. "Oh there's gay boy I didn't see him" , "well done gay boy good game". You get my gist. I think it's said in jest, but my god it makes my shit itch. I couldn't give two hoots if he's gay or not as long as he's happy in himself. Not sure that I would be over reacting to call them out on it next time?? Hence why not I'm here asking you lot...! If so I need help with come backs I'm not quick witted and tend to think oh I should have said after the event. Also do I call them out or speak to the manager who is friendly with them? Don't want it to be awks but equally want them to know what they are doing is not acceptable (imo anyway)... thoughts please mumsnetters
We had this in a WhatsApp with the main coach chipping in.

The main coach ended up being a real wrong one and is struck off.

This is abuse and I would report to the club and copy in FA. They have little tolerance for this type of behaviour.

logsonlogsoff · 28/10/2021 12:10

I love coaching and love the kids, but quite frankly
there are times I wish DD had chosen another sport other than footie. The girls are amazing but some of their parents and grandparents are an absolute nightmare- particularly some of the ‘old
School’ ones who think football is all about rivalries, grudges, being ‘hard’ or whatever instead of fun and exercise for children.

logsonlogsoff · 29/10/2021 00:34

Funny, just spoke to another dad - coach tonight and he’s had something similar and wasn’t sure what to do. After seeing your thread OP, and answers, he’s less torn about ‘ snitching’ on a dad who apparent is a ‘good’ bloke but moves to tell his son not to be ‘so gay’ on the pitch.
I’m still in shock that a coach, on the FA pathway, was so hesitant to deal with this , but seems he’s had the nudge he needed to sort it out . He was stepping back as it was a dad and his own kid.

TirednWorried · 29/10/2021 10:12

The he main coach ended up being a real wrong one and is struck off

Yhr trouble is that can lead to the end of the club, and hundreds of kids with no club to play at

LadyEloise1 · 30/10/2021 09:43

@Porkpiesarespicy
How did the meeting go ?
Is there training or a game today ?
I'm still Shockthat people around her don't call her out on her comments to children.

Idony · 30/10/2021 10:53

Absolutely baffled this wasn't tackled after the first utterance. How could you let them keep doing it! Confrontv them then speak to the organisers. Honestly you have to be there to defend your kids, not shy away like another child.

Lokdok · 30/10/2021 11:52

That’s disgusting. You should have called him out the first time! He should be banned from attending. If you’re too scared to speak to him directly, tell your coach what he’s said.

iklboogiemaninthecloset · 30/10/2021 17:29

@Lokdok - it's a woman!

Northernparent68 · 30/10/2021 18:18

I’d move clubs.

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