Another football parent calling my son gay boy

[Porkpiesarespicy]

So I guess my AIBU is, do I pull them up on it or just let it go. Week after week they call him gay boy. "Oh there's gay boy I didn't see him" , "well done gay boy good game". You get my gist. I think it's said in jest, but my god it makes my shit itch.
I couldn't give two hoots if he's gay or not as long as he's happy in himself.
Not sure that I would be over reacting to call them out on it next time?? Hence why not I'm here asking you lot...! If so I need help with come backs I'm not quick witted and tend to think oh I should have said after the event.
Also do I call them out or speak to the manager who is friendly with them? Don't want it to be awks but equally want them to know what they are doing is not acceptable (imo anyway)... thoughts please mumsnetters

[kitkatsky]

YANBU!

[MargotMoon]

@porkpiesarespicy2 Well done for reporting this and standing up to it. It makes zero difference that her son is gay - or even if your son is or isn't and whether he is bothered about the use of the word. The fact is, using it as a derogatory term is unacceptable. Any other kids who over heard her, whether gay, straight or whatever, would think it's ok to use the word in that way.

There's a guy I've known since I was a kid who I sit near at football. He is white but because his wife and kids are black he thinks it's ok to use racist language - and he has brought them up to be the same! It absolutely baffles me - like, "I can't be racist, my family is black" and that gets taught through the generations.

[billy1966]

@porkpiesarespicy2

Thank you
*@MadeForThis @maudmadrigal @RatherbeinCanada*
Your comments have made me feel better, I was starting to doubt myself for reporting her, I was made to feel like I was in the wrong. I did say in my opinion that makes her comments worse because she would know how such comments might upset her own son.

I think your reporting and your reply were perfect.

She is a nasty piece of work and I would be unimpressed with whomever told you you may have over reacted.

It is no one's business but yours.

YOU didn't like her name calling, and YOU took action.

Some parents look the other way in the face of awful behaviour, YOU don't.

Well done.

[Dartsplayer]

You absolutely did the right thing regardless of what she or the other mum think. Don't let them make you think you did the wrong this, you absolutely didn't and they are awful

[Drinkingallthewine]

No you didn't overreact. She's not homophobic because she's got a gay son? Probably not racist towards the mixed race kid she abuses because she's got a black friend as well.

The content itself is probematic but that's not the main point - which is that an adult significantly older than a child player is consistently being derogatory towards several children on the team.

Your son may not care. Her son might feel supported by his mother. The mixed race kid might shrug it off. But this may not be the case for the next kid she is singling out for her horrible comments.

It's very telling that she wouldn't say it in front of their dads though - that's showing that she knows what she says is out of order and that she will only dare to say those things when she's feeling like she's unlikely to get challenged.

[Lumilly]

@logsonlogsoff

Well done , OP.
The only way we can kick this sort of
Crap out of sport and change the culture is to stand up
To it at grass roots level. Your bravery has made a difference, and helped not just your son but other children in that club.

It's not just sport, it's still everywhere. You did the right thing for you son and other kids there.

[ToughTittyWhompus]

The Chidi quote from The Good Place is apt here:

“That’s worse. You do understand how that’s worse, right?”

[porkpiesarespicy2]

Thank you
@MadeForThis @maudmadrigal @RatherbeinCanada
Your comments have made me feel better, I was starting to doubt myself for reporting her, I was made to feel like I was in the wrong. I did say in my opinion that makes her comments worse because she would know how such comments might upset her own son.

[MadeForThis]

Just because she loves her son doesn't mean she can be abusive and bullying towards other peoples sons.

Her words are still vile and disgusting. Her relationship with her son doesn't change that. You did the right thing in reporting it.

[maudmadrigal]

Of course it's a good thing that she is accepting and supportive of her own child. But I don't see that that changes anything at all about her behaviour towards your son (and others). It just isn't relevant to the situation there.

You've done the right thing, and that's just as much the case despite this new information. I hope things go well for you tomorrow. You're not the bad guy, and it sounds like you have the support of the club (as indeed you should).

[RatherbeinCanada]

As one of her sons is gay she must be aware of the abuse he could have endured yet she is still spouting stuff like that? She has no idea about your son's sexuality and as an adult should know that that isn't appropriate.
Don't feel bad. Your son may shrug it off but it could be a major issue for another child. I would have reported it too.

[porkpiesarespicy2]

So another up date... one of her elder sons is gay and she's very accepting of his relationship and supportive, which is great as you should be. I was told perhaps you did over react reporting her, I was told this by another mum with mutual friends.

I just don't know what to think now! Doesn't make it okay does? I am
Actually dreading the game tomorrow because I've been turned in to the bad guy for reporting her.

[porkpiesarespicy2]

@123becauseicouldntthinkofone

I just dont even know how to put what I am feeling into words other than I am raging for you. I have seen some disgusting things said and done at teens football inc break legs etc. That bitch needs putting in place...count yourself lucky I am not on your team or we would both be kicked off the team...but at least take her down with me ha ha. You could also report Fifa if the coach does nothing about it!!!

It's shocking really, She has said nasty stuff to boys who are multi cultural too so she's clearly nasty. I can't believe I'm the only one who has reported her, I mean that's after 3 times of hearing it but apparently it's been going on for months week in week out! I was slated on here for not sticking up for my lad from the first time I heard it, which is fair enough I get that I should have done, - hindsight is wonderful. But there are 9 other parents at the games who could have said hang on a minute! But thankfully the club are taking it serious so let's watch this space...

[porkpiesarespicy2]

@Tallisimo

Glad she has been spoken to. Hope it is the end of her unpleasant comments.

Thank you, time will tell we had no game this week but there is next week so I'm hoping she listens to the welfare. To be fair she (welfare) was horrified about her behaving like this for so long and no one else mentioning it, and not just at the comments aimed at my son. She is vile with some of the things she has said. I've swapped which child I take to football now just so I can be there to report it again if she is silly enough to carry on or to put a stop to it.

[123becauseicouldntthinkofone]

I just dont even know how to put what I am feeling into words other than I am raging for you. I have seen some disgusting things said and done at teens football inc break legs etc. That bitch needs putting in place...count yourself lucky I am not on your team or we would both be kicked off the team...but at least take her down with me ha ha. You could also report Fifa if the coach does nothing about it!!!

[Strugglingtodomybest]

Well-done, I think you handled that perfectly.

[Qwertykeys]

Sorry just read the update , well done hope she keeps quiet from now on

[Qwertykeys]

Yes , pull them up and tell the manager and club safeguard officer. Football should be an all inclusive sport and this kind of behaviour should not be tolerated. If you have no joy report to the FA and have the manager removed .

[Tallisimo]

Glad she has been spoken to. Hope it is the end of her unpleasant comments.

[334bu]

Well done.

[CaptainMyCaptain]

Well done.

[Glittertwins]

@porkpiesarespicy2

So Welfare at the club have spoken to the manager not said it's come from me but have said a complaint has been made about her comments and they need to stop as the club will not tolerate it. She was very quite today so hopefully the message has reached her but I was told I'm not to say anything personally as it could escalate because she's "unsavoury" and to let the club deal with it and follow the official channels. The welfare was hanging around our game today. However we will see at future games if she takes note. Hopefully that is the end of all of her derogatory comments aimed at one she feels like on that day.
Thank you all for your support In one way or another
X

Only just seen your update here. Hope it is still going okay for you and DS

[shrugitoff]

@porkpiesarespicy2
So glad she has been " tackled" on her disgusting behaviour.

[Orchidflower1]

Glad there was a positive outcome. Yep definitely stick with the official channels firstly because if she she’s a nasty piece of work you can keep yourself safe but also it will leave a paper trail so if push come to shove and her child has to leave their is evidence.

[porkpiesarespicy2]

[quote Orchidflower1]@porkpiesarespicy2 how was the meeting?[/quote]
So Welfare at the club have spoken to the manager not said it's come from me but have said a complaint has been made about her comments and they need to stop as the club will not tolerate it. She was very quite today so hopefully the message has reached her but I was told I'm not to say anything personally as it could escalate because she's "unsavoury" and to let the club deal with it and follow the official channels. The welfare was hanging around our game today. However we will see at future games if she takes note. Hopefully that is the end of all of her derogatory comments aimed at one she feels like on that day.